How to ask for forgiveness: 7 keys to overcome pride

Know how to ask for forgiveness when the moment calls for it It is one of those skills that, however simple they may seem, make a difference in personal relationships. And it is that there are people who experience serious problems when it comes to apologizing, even if the other person is someone they love with whom they trust.

But, as with many other skills, it is possible to learn how to apologize to someone you love or even someone with whom you have a more formal or professional relationship. Next We will see what are the keys to achieve it.

• Related article: "Forgiveness: should I or should I not forgive the person who hurt me?"

How to ask for forgiveness: several tips

In order to learn to apologize, certain habits and beliefs related to self-image and expectations about how social relationships should be must be modified. Let's see it in depth.

1. Internalize the idea that no one is perfect

Many people who experience difficulty apologizing actually have unrealistic expectations about how they should be perceived by others.

Specifically, they are excessively perfectionists, and they reject the idea of ​​asking for forgiveness because they see this as a staging of their own failure. In other words, an action that, when seen by more people, makes something subjective ("I have reasons to apologize") become objectified.

Thus, asking someone for forgiveness means making an effort that, at the same time, contradicts one's own self-image, highly idealized.

However, it must be clear that no one is perfect. Even the great historical figures, the most admired, seen from the present are full of failures, even mistakes that today's children would not make.

• Related article: "Self-concept: what is it and how is it formed?"

2. Get out of the self-criticism loop

Many people begin to cruelly judge themselves for not asking for forgiveness. However, this is on the one hand unnecessary and unreasonable, and on the other an excuse that justifies the absence of a proper apology. That is to say, it is a strategy to purge responsibilities without having to ask for forgiveness and making everything remain "inside doors", without anyone other than oneself being able to benefit from this.

That's why it's important to recognize this thought routine for what it is: an excuse. You have to break this cognitive ritual.

3. Practice accepting mistakes

The acceptance of the error is the most mature attitude No one can escape from mistakes, as we have seen.

For this reason, it is good that you get used to performing small apology rituals, even if at first it is only asking for forgiveness for the little things of everyday life. The very fact of doing this repeatedly, progressively increasing the importance of the context in which we apologize, predisposes us to continue doing it spontaneously.

4. train empathy

It is crucial that you dedicate efforts to empathize, put yourself in the other person's place cognitively and emotionally. To do this, do just that: imagine that you are that person and that you see things from their point of view. If you get used to doing this in moments with a significant emotional charge, little by little it will become less difficult for you to empathize spontaneously.

• Related article: "are you empathic 10 typical traits of empathic people"

5. Focus on detecting the discomfort caused

Who intends to ask for forgiveness but does not succeed, surely does not see the magnitude of the damage and inconvenience it has caused. In a way, one's own pride is more important than admitting to the other person that they are in an unfair situation.

That is why you have to stop to reflect on the damage that has been done; not only in the most superficial and apparent, but also in the details and indirect effects that our actions have caused.

For example, being very late for a meeting doesn't just mean spending a few awkward minutes waiting; it also implies losing part of the day, or even being left in a vulnerable situation if it is a meeting with potential clients, for example.

6. make a simple script

The first few times you try to apologize by trying to make everything go as it should, you may experience a relatively high degree of anxiety. This state of activation can cause you to fall into a somewhat chaotic and disorganized pattern of behavior.

That is why it is best to dor a little script about what you have to say and do. Of course, it must be very simple and brief, with two or three one-line ideas, and nothing more. If you literally write everything you want to say to yourself, this may cause you even more stress, as remembering everything is extra work that you don't really have to do.

Just remember the ideas that structure your apology and express them as they come to you at the time. Surely it will not be perfect, but this is normal.

• You may be interested in: "The 7 types of anxiety (causes and symptoms)"

7. watch what happens

Seeing how the other person reacts after we have apologized is, although it may not seem like it, the most important part of learning to say sorry. The reason is that actually this It's not something we do for ourselvesbut for the other person. That is why our point of view will help us to iron out the imperfections in our way of communicating and will allow us to help the other in whatever they need at that moment to feel better.