I hate my father: what can I do to stop feeling that?

Family life can be a great source of conflict which, if not properly managed, can become a ball that gets bigger over time.

The reasons for this tendency towards the intensification of certain conflicts have to do with many factors: the daily treatment (which makes it difficult to take a few days of truce to better empathize with the other during the reunion), the importance of parental roles and the seriousness of negligence in the care and education of sons and daughters, etc.

For this reason, sometimes many patients who attend therapy show a high degree of anger and resentment against a parent, or both. Phrases like "I hate my father" are relatively common in this area.

Possible reasons for hatred of the father and how to solve it

However, What to do when conflicts of this type become very intense and seem to be chronic?

There are many possible causes that explain the birth of this feeling of hatred, and that is why here I am I will focus on some of the most common ones that have to do with the role of parents in cultures westerners.

1. If it is because of a feeling of guilt

In some cases in the family history, traumatic events occur, the blame for which is attributed to someone specific, despite the fact that doing this is a simplification. It is a way of having a target on which to vent frustration..

The figure of the father, who has traditionally been associated with the role of protector of the family, is often the target of these recriminations. In order to solve these situations, it is necessary to restructure the thought schemes and beliefs about what happened in such a way that a more realistic perspective is adopted, with more nuances and details.

2. If it is because of a history of abuse

In some cases the accumulated resentment against the father is due to a history of sexual abuse committed by him.

These can be recent or have been committed in the remote past, but in both cases the solution must go through the opening of a judicial route that allows to clarify if these abuses were really committed or No. During the process, the person must remain isolated from the influence of the father, due to possible physical or psychological that he can do to him, in addition to avoiding manipulation based on blackmail emotional. Due to the physical constitution of boys, the ability of parents to use physical coercion is greater, so it is necessary to take security measures.

Any possibility of possible reconciliation between the father and the son or daughter must be subject to a clear reinsertion and sufficiently proven by the first, in the long term.

3. If it is due to parental negligence

Parental negligence, understood as the abandonment of children and the refusal to carry out the tasks of care and education that must be carried out by caregivers on a mandatory basis, is a form of child abuse that tends to leave traces in people's behavior when they become adults. Among these traces the feeling of hate is frequent.

In these cases, reconciliation is usually difficult, since parents who have neglected the care of their children and the establishing affective bonds with them during their childhood, they tend to not feel more attached to them when they are adults, which makes separation an effective strategy to avoid having to constantly think about all those related things with parents.

In cases where the latter are remorseful and want to start having a healthy relationship with their children, the help of psychotherapeutic assistance is usually a requirement.

4. If it is due to communication failures

Defects in communication are a source of problems and conflicts not only between parents and children, also in the relationship of all members of a family in general. The adoption of very defined family roles and the creation of taboo subjects can create an oppressive atmosphere within the family in which people cannot express themselves honestly, which is usually associated with the appearance of a state of continuous self-monitoring and, therefore, stress, which can be the source of outbursts of anger and angry.

In these cases it is also advisable to attend forms of psychotherapy in which several of its members are worked on at the same time, in order to ensure that communication flows.