5 ways to stop self-sabotaging with resistance to change

The resistance to change, improve, and undertake is subtle and slippery. When my clients tell me that they spend time putting off important tasks or that they feel blocked from starting certain tasks, the first thing I jot down is the word "resistance."

But... What is resistance? It is a blockage of energy, it is the opposite of flow, it is an invisible ditch that prevents us from crossing from where we are to the place where we will be most self-realized.

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resistance to change

As I write this I think about myself and my relationship with the resistance to exercise. It has always been very difficult for me to play sports and, on top of that, I have the feeling that it takes time for my thousands of commitments. A few months ago I had an ankle sprain that was the perfect excuse to abandon any type of muscular effort, even that of all those parts of my body that were in perfect working order. Even with all my training in emotions, I couldn't detect that what was taking over me was resistance.

I convinced myself by telling myself that the sprain had been a signal to rest and catch up with my things. I decided to take refuge in what is easier for me – my intellectual activity. However, the body is our great ally and suddenly, I began to experience some great back and waist pains, which invited me to wonder what could be happening to me at the level emotional.

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Why do we choose resistance if it does not benefit us?

We resist changes because they scare us.. Even in the simple example about me, my fear was losing control of my responsibilities. More unconsciously than consciously, we fear that we can't do things perfectly.

We are lazy to push beyond the known to discover new ideas or implement new habits. We convince ourselves that we can't change because we obsess over all kinds of limiting beliefs that prevent us from seeing beyond our problems. We identify with thoughts that tell us that we are not or that we do not have what it takes to undertake. We are more comfortable living on autopilot than feeling the emotions that come with pausing and examining our inner world.

This reminds me of the phrase "better bad known than good to know". Resistance contains a very rigid look at life: if I change what I have, it will go wrong. In that place there are no nuances, possibilities, or movement. It is a very contracted way of living and has a very binary look that whispers to us that what is new is bad and what is known is good.

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Important reminder to work with resistance

If we discover that we are resisting a change and become angry, ashamed, or self-flagellated, it will be like throwing fuel on the fire. It is easier to understand this when we see it in another. Think of a child who always leaves school homework for later. If his parents scold him and say all kinds of embarrassing things to him, he will feel defeated and start to "self-criticize" with thoughts like, "you're lazy, others can and you can't, it's the only thing you have to do", etc Instead of giving ourselves that little push to carry out what we want, we are going to feel so overwhelmed that we will remain immobile.

To resistance, as well as to all our feelings and emotions, you have to treat it with self-compassion. Phrases like “I see what you are feeling, I know what it costs you, I understand you, we are going to take one step at a time”, can help us make radical changes. Neuroscientifically speaking, there are also reasons to refuse to act in our favor. When our brain is stressed, fighting, fleeing, or paralyzed, all three actions are examples of resistance. These mechanisms do not benefit us but are natural. However, it will be our tolerance for the unknown that will help us grow and move on to our new evolutionary stage.

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How can we detect resistance in our own lives?

These are pretty common places pointing to her:

• Leaving things for later (or never)
• Wasting our time (social networks, T.V., series, etc.)
• Easily demoralized when something doesn't go as planned.
• Giving so much thought to a matter that it ends in inaction.
• Wanting to do things perfectly and have everything under control.
• Feeling that if we do something we will please someone with whom we are angry.
• Choosing comfort over the uncertainty that comes with growth.
• Create excuses for not undertaking or changing.
• Blaming others to justify our inaction.

What can we do to overcome our resistance to change?

As I said before, the first thing is to accept that it is a defense mechanism that, although it does not favor us, prevents us from exposing ourselves to the unknown, stressing ourselves out with too many things, and getting out of our comfort zone. The main thing is to remain even-tempered and curious to try:

• Start the changes slowly, respecting our times, but starting.
• Take one step at a time. Subdivide tasks. Avoid implementing too many things at the same time.
• Prepare for obstacles that may come your way and think about what to do about them.
• Always keep in mind our mission, the "why" we are carrying out our change.
• Talk about our desires, find someone to support us, and motivate us. If the resistance is too great, please ask for professional help.

Above all, ask yourself: “what will my life be like in a year if I keep resisting change?” And then he repeats the same question to you again for five years and ten. Honestly visualize your answers. You will see how you finally choose growth over stagnation.