High-demand babies: what they are, and parenting tips

Raising a baby is something that for most people is beautiful, but it is definitely not easy. After all, we are talking about a completely vulnerable and dependent being with multiple needs that we must be capable of supply, and that at least initially is not capable of expressing them in a specific way, often crying being the only way to communicate her needs or the existence of discomfort or some kind of deprivation (such as hunger or the desire for contact) that know.

Each baby has its own way of being, its own temperament: there are those who cry a lot or a little, more curious or fearful, more active and more sleepy. And some of them are especially demanding, which is why some authors have come to propose the term high-demand babies to designate them.

• Related article: "Types of temperament in babies: easy, difficult and slow"

What is a high demand baby?

Babies in high demand are understood to be those boys and girls are characterized by requiring and asking for attention on a continuous basis

, crying frequently and waking up during sleep more often than usual. This term was created by William Sears, from the observation of the behavior of one of his daughters.

In addition to the above characteristics there are many others that are defining. Among them is the fact that they cannot usually calm down on their own and have a high level of anguish in the face of separation from their caregivers, with whom they are demanding and from whom they demand care. They also often require continued physical contact. Usually these babies seek to breastfeed often, something that also tends to relax them to a great extent.

They often present some level of sensory hypersensitivity, in such a way that they seem to capture with greater intensity the stimulation coming from the different senses. Likewise, they are usually alert and attentive children, slightly hyperactive (not in the sense of a disorder but in that of highly vigilant and active). Also in many cases a high level of curiosity, sociability and creativity can be observed, as well as a high capacity for motivation. And it is that one of the characteristics that stands out the most in them is the high level of insistence and energy in what they do. It is also common for them to appear muscularly tense. To consider a baby to be in high demand, it is necessary that at least most of these characteristics are met.

Finally, although it is not something definitive, the truth is that many of these babies have capacities high cognitive skills and sometimes a certain level of precocity, learning earlier and more easily than others. In other words, they are intelligent children whose initial characteristics may (although not necessarily, it depends on how they are managed) end up evolving towards highly valued skills and abilities in adulthood.

In fact, a high percentage of gifted children They have been for small babies in high demand or with characteristics similar to it. Of course, this does not mean that the relationship is bidirectional: not all or most of the babies in high demand are going to be gifted.

A very important question

Regardless of the characteristics of this type of baby, it is essential to highlight one fact. We are talking about babies that present common characteristics, but We are not dealing with babies who present any type of pathology by themselves. Of course, it is possible that the reason a baby cries is the pain caused by some type of pathology and this causes them to end up demanding more help.

Beware of expectations

The high demand for these babies is often considered to be an aspect solely due to the way the child is. However, whether or not a baby is considered to be in high demand is often derived from parental opinion or expectations. It is necessary to take into account that each one of us has an image or expectation of how and when a child should require us, expectations that do not have to be realistic.

If for example a baby cries every night at four in the morning it is not because it is especially demanding, but we are talking about habitual behavior in all or almost all babies. All babies are demanding attention, cry and have different frustrations and complex behaviors that we often can not understand.

In addition to this, we have to take into account that in some cases the presence of a high demand may be due to the fact that we are not able to understand the needs of our baby. It is not that we are bad parents, but a possible misunderstanding of our baby's way of being that makes it difficult for us to respond with the kind of stimulation and affection that the child needs.

• You may be interested in: "The Attachment Theory and the bond between parents and children"

Some action guidelines

Babies in high demand are characterized, as we have said, by requiring continuous attention from their parents. The high demand of these children can confuse and come to cause uncertainty regarding how to act for many parents. That is why it is worth offering a brief guideline for action.

The first thing to keep in mind is that the high-demand baby is a vulnerable being who is expressing a real need, being something unintentional on their part and that is not a way to manipulate us or achieve something from us.

Although there is controversy regarding whether or not to respond to your contact search, the truth is that it has been shown that responding to They tend to make them grow up thinking that the world is a safer place and that they have a greater capacity for self-esteem and defense of their rights. It is important that the baby feels loved and learns to recognize positive emotions. Likewise, we must also work on our emotions.

In addition to this, it is important to keep in mind that we do not have to feel guilty about their crying. Generally the cause of these is not going to be anything that we have done or not done, but simply a manifestation of one of their sensations or the emergence of some need.

As we have said, these children are active and curious, so stimulation can attract their attention. But they are also highly sensitive to it, so we must try to monitor the type of stimuli that reach them. It will be useful to calm them when there are unexpected stimulations, such as loud noises. Showing a calm demeanor towards them, and even towards their demands for attention, can serve as an example and relax them.

Something that may seem logical but that can be on the mind of many parents and generate doubts is the fact that it is also normal to feel overwhelmed. A very relevant aspect that we have to work on is taking care of ourselves and from time to time doing some pleasant activity without having to be on top of the child. We are not worse fathers or mothers for wanting to have a moment of tranquility, and there will be times when we may need outside help (for example, from grandparents or uncles) in order to lower the level of tension.

Criticism of this denomination

The consideration of what a high-demand baby is and the fact of classifying it has generated much criticism at a general level. And it is that although it is true that there are children who have this type of temperament, more demanding compared to others, labeling them could be considered a way of pathologizing (although it is not what the category intends) a behavior that on the other hand is normal in a creature that depends on parental care to survive.

Another criticism of this category is the fact that there is no line between what is and what is not a high-demand baby: any of us can consider that our son is hypersensitive, absorbent and ultimately demanding since no clear time limit or frequency is established that differs from what another baby would do. That is, it is possible to detect that a child is demanding or not, but not so much to determine where the limit would be.