Everything goes wrong for me: possible causes, and what to do

There are times when there is not a day in which we do not get up on the wrong foot. We go to work or school and we are already late. Once there we have a huge pile of work that we find more difficult and heavy than usual. We try to wake up by going to the coffee machine, he swallows the coins and deprives us of our caffeine fix.

"My day is going bad... everything goes wrong for me!" we think. Are we bad luck magnets? Aren't we good at what we do? Are we worthless? and other similar phrases come to mind. We assume that things go wrong for us means that there is something wrong with us.

Why does everything go wrong for me? The great unknown. Is it fate? We are? What's happening? Here we will see some possible answers.

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Everything goes wrong for me!

It has happened to all of us that we have a time in which nothing of what we had proposed turns out as we wanted. We stop doing what we were doing and ask ourselves, frustrated, “what the hell is going on? Everything goes wrong for me!". Life is not a straight and stable line, but is marked by ups and downs and

in its low we tend to see things in a more pessimistic way, since it seems that the world is conspiring against us or, also, that we stop being competent and become useless.

These bad streaks are normal. We cannot expect that we will always be happy and that everything will go well for us. However, despite the fact that we can keep this reality in mind on many occasions when we see that nothing goes right, there are continuous disappointments and it seems that what we had proposed is not going to be fulfilled, it is inevitable to think that everything is going wrong These are moments that do not stop hurting and attract demotivation, reluctance, apathy, anxiety and depression.

People are dreaming beings and we set all kinds of goals in various spheres of our life. existence such as work, partner, friends, personal projects and goals to be successful in the life. When something bad happens and it seems to sabotage our dreams It is inevitable that we ask ourselves if there is something in our lives or something in our own way of being that has generated a whole situation full of misfortunes and misfortunes. Could it be that we have a bad attitude or is it really worthless?

Before becoming obsessed and embittered even more by the negative situation in which we find ourselves, where disappointments cloud our sight and they do not let us see the light at the end of the tunnel, what we have to do is reflect and calm down a bit, stop the machine. To the extent that we can, we should rest a bit, both physically and mentally. Resting and slowing down a bit are very good for acquiring a more global and adjusted image of what happens, in addition to stopping that runrún, that mental rumor that tells us all the time that everything works out for us evil.

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What is happening to us?

We live in a society of extremes. The media and all kinds of organizations tell us that we have to be happy, idealistic, optimistic and energetic people.. The message that we have to be "happy" 24/7 is very nice and, at the same time, toxic, basically because it makes us collide with our realism. People are not happy beings all the time, since depending on our personal characteristics, education and context in which we live we will see life in one way or another, changing according to the time that let's live.

No matter how optimistic we consider ourselves, sooner or later periods come when we are a little sadder. It should not be thought that this sadness is depression, since this is a relatively long mental disorder in case it is not treated with the appropriate professional help, but we are talking about euthymia, that is, changes in mood within the expected normality and not pathological. There are days when we are happier and others when we are sadder.

Being within one of these stages it is norms that our vision is more pessimistic, especially applying it to what we do and what happens to us. Naturally, It is in these times that our mistakes and the misfortunes that occur in our daily lives will be seen in a more exaggerated way., seeing how everything is really going very wrong for us. Every mistake will make us think that we are worthless, and every misfortune that the world, God, fate or whatever has turned against us.

But sooner or later the bad streaks fade and the good ones come. All the pessimism that we had shown in the previous period is replaced by optimism and motivation: the light has come at the end of the tunnel, which had never stopped being there. We learn that anyone has a bad streak, that we are worth a lot, that there are many things for which we have to be happy and that the good always compensates for the bad and even surpasses it.

However, although the stages of a certain pessimism are normal, this does not mean that they are harmless and, in fact, if they prolonged or we focus too much on all the bad things that are supposedly happening to us, we run the risk of getting stuck in they. The reasons that make this happen are varied, although they are usually personal, such as our own way of being, our self-esteem and self-worth. If we don't stop with the runrún of the bad things that happen to us, we are going to stretch and stretch until it is a serious problem..

Possible causes

There are several reasons behind why we have the thought of "everything goes wrong for me". One of them is impossible to control, capricious and unpredictable: bad luck.. Bad luck is a variable that, even without being able to be measured, we know it is there, not to annoy our lives, but because in life there are moments of luck and moments in which we are not so lucky. It may be the case that, due to pure bad luck, what we had proposed does not work out for us, and we cannot do anything about it.

But Bad luck aside, there are many personal factors that influence our way of seeing reality., factors that can be changed both with one's own effort and by seeking professional help. Among these factors we can find the following:

1. filtering phenomenon

It is usual that behind the belief that everything goes wrong for us there is a cognitive distortion. People perceive reality based on what we "want" to see. If we insist on seeing everything bad that happens to us and we do, that is, we have a very negative vision of reality, it is not surprising that we see that many things are going wrong for us.

The phenomenon of negative filtering refers to a situation in which people focus on the bad and leave out the good., which certainly happens too. People are human beings and in our nature is the act of making mistakes, but also, we get it right many times and we do things well.

2. learned pessimism

As we have commented, we live in a society that sells us the message that to be fulfilled you have to always be happy. The problem is that this same message clashes with another issued by our circle of closest acquaintances, especially family, friends and significant others which is neither more nor less than Murphy's Law: if something has to go wrong like this be.

This pessimism is a cultural trait, as is the language, traditions, gastronomy or any other and, therefore, it ends up being learned. It is difficult to get rid of a pessimistic mentality if we have grown up from a very young age receiving these types of messages and expecting the worst in the world and in ourselves, even in a minimally healthy way.

3. Lack of selfesteem

Naturally, one cannot talk about the thought of "everything goes wrong for me" without talking about a profound lack of self-esteem. Low self-esteem is not a state that a person reaches from one day to the next.Nor does it have to stay that way for life. Self-esteem can weaken, vary with time and with experiences, experiences which can make us doubt our worth and cause us to have a negative self-concept.

If we have very low self-esteem and also our self-concept, this is the way we see ourselves, it is negative, it is not surprising that we attribute everything bad that happens to us to ourselves. We think that not only bad things happen to us, but that we are the ones who attract them.

Low self-esteem and a negative self-concept are aspects that must be worked on in a psychologist's office and by carrying out an important self-revaluation exercise.

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4. covert disorder

The feeling of "everything goes wrong" may actually be a symptom of a psychological problem, of a mental disorder that requires psychotherapeutic intervention. Mood disorders like depression and anxiety can be the source of a pessimistic mindset.

The common pattern in depression is blaming yourself for bad things that happen and attributing good things to luck. Depressed people tend to think that the misfortunes that happen to them are their fault and that they actually deserve it, while whatever merit they can get they think is because the situation has been very benevolent to them. they. This way of thinking is very dysfunctional and needs help from a psychologist.

5. Hard times

Finally we get the idea of ​​hard times. Sometimes bad luck manifests itself in all its splendor and extension making us live a period in which things are not looking good objectively speaking. The economy is down, our company is going to hell, we have broken a leg and any other misfortune can occur, profoundly affecting our lives.

The world changes and, sometimes, a series of coincidences and the fact of being in the least indicated place and place causes us to have a misfortune that makes everything go wrong. It is to be hoped that sooner or later our situation will improve and, for now, the only thing we can do is live through the difficult times in the best way we can. Life is not easy and waiting for it to be perfect will make us more bitter.

What can we do if everything goes wrong?

As we mentioned, it is normal to notice that we have a time in which everything goes wrong for us. Even so We must not sit idly by and dwell on all the bad things that are happening to us., but to see how we can change our situation and what degree of control we have over it. Focusing on what it is very difficult for us to achieve for now because bad luck does not allow us is to torture ourselves. The best thing is to stop the physical and mental machinery for a moment, calm down and reflect on our situation.

The first thing we must do, taking advantage of this pause of body and mind, is to ask ourselves: what aspects depend on us? Is there something external to us that has influenced it? Can we control it? This step requires deep meditation, a reflection that will allow us to clarify what has happened and find out what negative events that have occurred in chains have made us fall into the well of "everything goes wrong".

Once we have seen what depends on us and what we should not accept the idea that there are things that are not within our control. Since we can't control them, it's not worth getting bitter about them. It is true that sometimes life is very unfair and brings us really cruel events, but even so, what is the use of regretting it over and over again? Isn't remembering the bad reliving the damage it did to us? Difficult times do pass, but they never will completely if we don't stop thinking about them.

There are times more complicated than others and we have to accept it. Let's assume the complexity of the world. Bad luck will truncate many of our projects and objectives, but that is not why we should give up and get used to the idea that nothing is going to work out for us. In the same way that it seems that something is not going to work out for us, surely there is another option that will work out. When a door closes, a window opens.

It is also necessary to pay a little attention to the type of thoughts we have. Given the possible causes that make us think that everything is going wrong for us, we must ask ourselves if we are applying a negative filter to our reality, it is That is, if we pay too much attention to the bad things that we undoubtedly do (just like everyone else!) and ignore the good that we also do have. As we have said, focusing only on the bad and neglecting the good is a bias, it allows us to see reality objectively.

Taking all this into account, we emphasize taking a break, whenever possible. The mind and body become exhausted when overused and exhaustion causes us to apply the filter of negativity. The machine that is our being has to be oiled and recharged from time to time. Once we have done so, we will once again have energy, more vitality, a not so pessimistic vision of the world and full of optimism.

Bibliographic references:

• Beck, J. (1995). Cognitive therapy: basic concepts and deepening. Gedisa Editor.
• Bellino, S.; Homeland, L.; Ziero, S.; Rocca, G.; Bogotto, F. (2001). "Clinical Features of Dysthymia and Age: a Clinical Investigation". Psychiatry Review. 103 (2–3): 219 - 228.
• Goic A (1991). Masked depression: Medical face of mental depression. Rev. Med. Chile 119 (3): 321-326.
• López Ibor J.J. (1972). Masked depression. Brit. J. Psychiatry. 12: 120-245.