The 5 signs of envy: how to recognize it in people

There is something that we often forget: our way of knowing ourselves goes through compare the experiences that happen to us with those that happen around us. Living in society is essential to form what we call self-concept, which is the set of ideas that we associate with the "I". To judge and value those characteristics in which we stand out for better or worse, we must see how life is going for other people.

This, for some things, is positive, since it allows us to demand that injustices be corrected. But it also has its bad side, since favors the appearance of envy.

• Related article: "Psychology of envy: 5 keys to understand it"

The 5 signs of envy

Envy is what happens when a state of discomfort appears caused by the comparison between oneself and others, and we don't like the result of this mental operation. It is a phenomenon closely related to the self-esteem, because it appears when it is threatened by new information about third parties with whom we consider that we can compare ourselves.

However, envy is not something negative just because it makes us feel bad. Furthermore, it is because how it interferes in the way we relate. On the one hand, as we will see, it gives us a reason to show some hostility to the person we envy. On the other hand, envy is something socially frowned upon, so whoever experiences it tries to hide the fact that they feel that way, even if he manages to make his passive-aggressive or directly aggressive attitude towards the other seem to be justified in a way rational.

However, there are ways to know approximately when a person acts out of envy. Whoever feels this way is not able to completely mask those causes that move them to behave in a certain way, for different reasons. In the following lines we will review several signs that denote envy. The fact that one or two of them are present does not mean that what is happening is precisely a problem of wounded egos, but in general, they help to understand what happens for odds.

1. ill-justified hostility

One of the characteristics of envy, as we have seen, is that it arises from self-esteem in a compromised or damaged state. That makes the emotional impact of these comparisons generate something that in psychology is known as cognitive dissonance.

This phenomenon has to do with the discomfort that appears when a piece of information contradicts a deeply rooted belief and whose defense defines us as people. Paradoxically, what usually happens in these cases is not that we try to readjust our ideas to have a more realistic understanding of what is going on, but we make the minimal changes necessary to assimilate those data.

In the case of envy, one of the ways in which cognitive dissonance is resolved is by assuming that the person with whom one compares oneself is someone despicable, so that what at first might seem like a threat to our self-esteem ends up being a show of vanity, a deception to have a good image before others, a trick, an illegitimate use of the efforts of others to take credit, etc.

• Related article: "Cognitive dissonance: the theory that explains self-deception"

2. Use of jokes and sarcasm to attack

Under the effects of envy, the person feels in the dilemma of expressing her hostility while trying to show himself superior to the person with whom the comparison has arisen.

This means that ambiguous ways of attacking are used, such as through supposed jokes and sarcasm, since they allow a role to be played. dominant (even for a few seconds) without seeming to have a certain need to satisfy one's ego in order to lessen the dissonance cognitive.

So, what really is a way to alleviate the discomfort that is felt, is disguised as displays of ingenuity or even kindness. This It is one of the most frequent signs of envy.

3. unwarranted outbursts of anger

This is not something that occurs in all people who feel envy, but only in some of a more impulsive nature. As damage to self-esteem gives reason to feel hostility towards someone, it may happen that excuses are sought to attack the person who considers themselves better than oneself. In this sense, something that can be interpreted as a way of boasting of one's own merits it can be almost unbearable for someone who is going through one of those “envious stages”.

4. Aftershocks in the presence of more people

in envy, the fact that there are more people listening increases the discomfort before what is interpreted as signs of superiority of the other.

This is especially the case if the personal characteristic on which one feels attacked is something relatively unique or uncommon. For example, if in a meeting there are two poets who are recognized for their talent, of the two artists the one who feels more threatened by the abilities of another they will have more reasons to feel attacked, because remaining silent would be like giving attention to the other person and making them “sell” themselves to others just as they were. wants.

5. defamation

This is quite typical, because speaking ill of someone behind their back is seen as an easy way to undermine your public image from relative safety, without giving him the opportunity to show that he is really just trying to cause harm so that it is easier to think that this person is not "a competitor" since no one takes him seriously.

Conclusion: jealousy is cured at home

It must be clear that the basis of the problem of jealousy has to do basically with a wounded self-esteem. That is the problem is one's own, and not the other's.

It is possible that a mentality very focused on competitiveness and constant comparisons makes us more vulnerable to this psychological phenomenon. Therefore, it is good to change both the concept we have of ourselves and our philosophy of life.