Live with uncertainty? Better ally with her!

Today I would like to talk to you about concept of "uncertainty", how we can relate to it and from where it is approached from coaching as a change management discipline.

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What is uncertainty and what are beliefs?

A good definition for “uncertainty” may be “lack of certainty”. And if we see it from that prism, we can ask ourselves: what are we really “certain” about? I can only categorically declare two certainties: the first, that our life is finite. And the second, that we cannot relive events that happened in the past.

Apart from these two truths, the rest will be opinions, judgments, which will be more or less well founded. And this is where the concept of "beliefs" arises.

The beliefs; What are they? How do they influence our life? I usually define beliefs as opinions squared. That is, they would be opinions, judgments, to which we attribute a certain character of truth. Now, if there is something about beliefs, it is that they are not true.

Beliefs can be based, for example, on facts from the past, on the education received, on fashions, on research or empirical data. And the truth that we attribute to each belief is determined by the authority that we confer on the person who declares it.

Thus, we tend to believe what a person we consider to be an expert in a certain subject says. By the way, Not by being shared, beliefs gain in veracity. That is to say, that an opinion is not more true because there are more people who think like that.

Beliefs simplify our life, they help us move around the world in a more efficient way. You know, our brain likes to make life easier for us. And beliefs are usually very useful to resolve situations or shorten the path to some goals. Most of our beliefs help us, enable us to achieve what we set out to do. However, in some cases, certain beliefs can suppose a significant limitation to achieve certain objectives.

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Let's go to an easy example

Suppose I am 56 years old, I am in a career transition and I have the belief that "after the age of 50 it is impossible to get a new job". That belief will be a major limitation for me in my goal of finding a new professional opportunity. But is the statement that "after 50 years of age it is not possible to get a job" true? No, it is not. It is not a truth, there are people who with more than 50 years have gotten a job.

What will happen to me if at this age I get a job? Possibly, I will abandon that belief and modify it for another. Even something like: "from the age of 50, if you get a job it's because you've been lucky." Is that more true? No, it is not.

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Questioning what we took for granted

Sometimes, we experience events that call our beliefs into question. AND when a primary belief disappears, it reveals a whole system of opinions; I begin to question many of the things that until then he had considered true. And my inner world, my entire frame of reference, is never the same again.

Those old beliefs and opinions are going to be modified by new ones that as we “train” them, they are going to gain consistency in us.

Beliefs that limit us

Albert Ellis (1913 - 2007), cognitive psychotherapist, tells us about the eleven irrational beliefs, which in his opinion are in many cases a strong limitation for new actions. He groups them into what he calls the three "monsters," which are these three beliefs:

• "I must do things well and deserve the approval of others."
• “Others must act considerately and fairly.”
• "Life should offer me good and easy conditions so that I can get what I want."

Where is that written? Is that "true"? And then, what happens to us if we take these three beliefs as "true"?

Ellis invites us to ally ourselves with the lack of certainties, with the realization that we live in constant uncertainty, in a world in which certainties are scarce and our beliefs can be modified. And if that were so, it turns out that the key is how each of us relates to that lack of certainty, to how we live that uncertainty.

There are people who become friends with that uncertainty and feel comfortable in that environment. And there are people who feel very uncomfortable in that situation. This is where dissatisfaction arises, doubt about decision-making, insecurity, some confusion, and in more extreme situations, stress, anxiety or anguish.

A proactive attitude in the face of uncertainty

And then, if I can't change yesterday... What can I do to resolve those situations in the best way?

Coaching, this change management discipline, promotes a proactive attitude in situations, especially situations in which the person's dissatisfaction arises; promotes the responsibility of ask ourselves what is in our power to do to solve what is happening to us.

In a coaching process, the professional coach will accompany his client to find new opportunities for his future through structured conversations and through questions that invite the evocation of new awareness.

The 5 key questions

Let's see five coaching questions that can be useful to navigate more effectively in situations of uncertainty:

The first of the questions is: What is in my power to do and/or stop doing? The concept behind this question is that of "responsibility", that of taking responsibility for my share of responsibility in each situation. Stephen Covey already gave us this concept of the area of ​​influence and warned us of the risks of being focused on the "circle of concern", those people who worry instead of taking care of themselves.

The second question focuses on a very interesting concept, learning: What can I learn from what is happening? Related to the concept of learning, there is also that distinction between "error" or "failure". Elbert Hubbard told us that "a failure is a man who has made a mistake, but is not capable of turning it into experience."

The third question goes a little further and is the following: what do we need to make it work?. It is a topic related to a concept linked to the previous one, which is shared learning and that systemic perspective and the consequences for me and others.

The fourth of the questions opens to the possibility, What opportunities do I identify? The concept that this question brings us is that of “opportunity”. How to see opportunities instead of threats? How to focus on what I do have and not on what I lack? Coaching promotes that this will be possible when the person makes a "change of observation", when the point of observation changes, the perspective from which you look, when there is a change in those metaphorical "glasses to see the world" that all of us wear. Glasses that change vision when my emotions, my beliefs, my values ​​and especially my purpose change.

And purpose is the big concept behind the fifth of these questions, which is this: what is my for what, my purpose? Finding out what is going to sustain me, what is going to give me enough energy to achieve what I want is going to be fundamental in this process. Motivation is the engine of change, it is the gasoline to move more resolutely in the face of uncertainty and lack of certainty. Motivation is made of desire, illusion, desire, also hope and commitment. When we find the right motivation for us, when our actions are aligned with our purpose, everything makes sense, beyond achieving it or not.

And when we answer those five questions, in many cases that "problem" we had becomes a "challenge". And with that word, "challenge", more enabling emotions can arise, such as illusion, hope, confidence. And it can also open the door to move from limiting beliefs like "I can't" or "I'm not capable" to much more enabling beliefs like "I have the resources to achieve it" or "I need to learn."

Adapting to a changing reality

I believe that we constantly live surrounded by changes, that we are beings in continuous transformation and that we can change our behaviors to adapt to those changes. And it seems to me that doing it more effectively is going to be related to that responsible attitude of taking charge, of set your own challenges and commit to moving towards them through new actions that generate learning. And that is what promotes the discipline of coaching and the accompanying work that a coach does to his clients. As you can see, the big question that will turn this virtuous circle is at the beginning: What do you want to achieve? Or, putting it another way, what is your goal? And that is not always so easy to answer...

A good way to answer this question is to start a coaching process with a professional coach in which you will delve into your self-knowledge, you will inquire into your needs, your desires, your motivations and your purpose and you will be able to know better what you would like get. From the EDPyN Coaching School, with offices in Barcelona and Madrid, we offer personal and professional coaching services by expert and accredited coaches. We also provide training in coaching (in person and online via streaming) for all those who want to give a "turn" in their life, either to start a new profession, focused on promoting personal growth or your professional career incorporating new skills.

Author: Montse Altarriba, Director of the EDPyN Coaching School