Xavier G. Font: "Adolescence is usually emotionally complex"

Adolescence is a time of great change. They happen quickly, for better or worse. In the positive aspects, the fact that in this phase of life there are great discoveries and it is relatively easy to find aspects of the world in which to engage emotionally; however, precisely this bombardment of stimuli from the environment and from the transformation of the body itself can also overwhelm many young people.

Fortunately, psychotherapy is a useful resource to help adolescents manage this process of transformation both from the modulation of emotions and from the learning of habits and skills social. AND To learn a little more about this kind of professional support for young people and families, we interviewed psychologist Xavier G. Font.

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Interview with Xavier G. Font: how can psychotherapy help families with adolescents?

Xavier G. Font is a psychologist specialized in adolescents and adults to whom he offers psychological assistance from his center in Barcelona, ​​based on Brief Strategic Therapy. In this interview he talks to us about the way in which psychotherapy can help adolescents and their relational dynamics with the rest of their families.

To what extent is it a myth that adolescence is a life stage of emotional turbulence?

Every adolescent is different, but if most parents agree on something, it is that the stage Teen It is the most complicated in the educational process of their children. Indeed, it is a stage with many changes, at all levels, especially hormonal ones, which directly influence the behavior of young people.

It is a stage of discovery and redefinition and in which social relationships acquire a particularly important and influential role on the adolescent. Some of them live it with special anguish that translates into hostility and others manage to cope with these changes more calmly, but in general I would agree that it is usually an emotionally complex.

In adolescence it is usually important to search for one's own identity, especially through relationships with other young people of the same age or a little older. What problems can appear in their families due to this change of referents?

The search for identity is not only developed through relationships with other young people, but it is It is true, as I have said, that social relations play a very important role in the life of the Teen.

These changes influence the roles established with parents since the adolescent's priorities change and parents take second place.

Accepting these changes is not always easy for parents, who are even experiencing a kind of mourning: their child is already becoming an adult.

The most frequent problems at this stage are precisely the negotiation of the new limits that the adolescent seeks and that the parents still do not see Of course, following the rules established by the parents and managing situations where parents lose control over them (such as not wanting to study, for example).

In the case of families with adolescents who refuse to abide by the rules of coexistence, does it usually happen that this kind of hostility and tension “infects” the rest? Leading the father to argue with the mother, the brother to protest before the grandfather...

Completely. In the end, the family is still a system made up of several members. What one does, for better or worse, will affect the entire system to a greater or lesser extent. In addition, we must bear in mind that living with stress at home is very complicated and wears out a lot on all family members.

It is very common that during adolescence parents disagree in their respective educational styles: one sees that it is necessary to be more directive and the other more loving, for example. And this creates friction. In hostile situations, alliances also tend to appear, pairings between two family members such as, for example, the mother or father with another of her children, to go against the hostilities caused by the Teen.

In families with adolescent children, it is typical to hear phrases such as: “your brother arrived at the time he was told to arrive at your age” or “your sister has always studied without having to tell him anything”. You have to be careful with this because it does not usually help to solve the problem but rather to aggravate it.

Is it common for adolescents who feel psychologically bad not to seek help from their family and tend to isolate themselves for fear of not being understood?

It is difficult for me to answer this question because it depends a lot on the type of adolescent and the relationship with her family. It is true that it is more common for the adolescent, in certain typical problems of her age, to turn first to other figures such as her friends or siblings, before the parents.

If they get to the point of isolating themselves completely, we should look for serious problems underneath.

What can be done in family therapy to help overcome education and coexistence problems in families with adolescents at home?

There really is no secret formula that can be useful for all families. When a family comes to therapy, for me the most important thing is to inquire about the relational patterns of all the members of the family. family, identify what each of them does to enhance what works or find alternatives by consensus for what does not works.

Normally the adolescent needs motivation, that's why I also like to face the sessions inquiring and promoting all the good things and everything that the adolescent brings to her family.

And how can individualized psychotherapy focused on the adolescent in question be used to help him solve the most frequent problems of self-esteem and identity at this age?

Psychotherapy is always a good tool to work on the self esteem problems and identity of people. As I was saying, for me, the most important thing with adolescents is to work on motivation and not focus on the things that you are not achieving. We have to understand that it is a stage where you are discovering many new things and it is easy for you to find it tremendously unfair to have to continue with established rules.

All these are stages, with which it is essential to reach agreements with him so that he can go through adolescence in the most functional way possible, without losing his essence or his voice.