They detect cancer in a loved one: ways of coping

Cancer, a word that shrinks the stomach, overwhelms and disposes the person diagnosed and their environment to a situation of vulnerability.

It is not for less, since according to WHO data, cancer is one of the main causes of morbidity and mortality in the world. In 2012, around 14 million new cases were registered and the number of new cases is expected to increase by approximately 70% in the next 20 years.

Given these global data, what can be done? Perhaps only to hope before a supposed and growing scientific advance and an improvement of clinical care. But, what happens when cancer stops being an abstract fear that affects society to materialize in a particular fear that affects a person present in one's life? What happens when someone in your affective circle is diagnosed with cancer?

• Related article: "Types of cancer: definition, risks and how they are classified"

When cancer appears in loved ones: ways of coping

We know that there are many types of cancer, depending on the organs affected, the stage it is in and the particular situation of each patient. Even so, it seems that there is a common fear that occurs before the diagnosis:

the fear of the suffering of the patient and the fear of death.

From this fear, and from most fears, others hang, chaining concerns that must be addressed, to minimize the impact they may have both on one's own psyche and on the family and social group in which they are lives.

Every human being is endowed with the ability to face difficulties.. There are individual differences when it comes to managing painful situations, but there are also resources and strategies that can be useful for many people.

Along these lines, some actions that can help any adult to adapt to the situation of a loved one's cancer diagnosis are explained below.

1. Give yourself permission for emotional reaction and expression

Imagine: you are informed that a person you love has cancer. The news falls like a shower of cold water, but you must continue with your day-to-day responsibilities, probably at a fast and efficient pace. Even so, it is necessary to find a time space for the emotional integration of the news, leaving space to connect with the emotions that it generates.

Sadness, anger, frustration, anger... They are emotions that are socially considered negative but even so, denying them does not make things easier, quite the opposite. Give yourself permission to feel and express them.

Perhaps you have to make an effort to give space to the emotions that invade you. As? Finding your way of expression will be the first exercise. There are people who live their emotions alone, finding a silent space to cry, take a deep breath or scream. Others use a journal to freely express their emotions.

If solitude is not a comforting space for you, connect with people you trust to express yourself and put words to your emotional knots. It is known that the fact verbalize emotions, already has an important therapeutic effect.

• You may be interested in: "Fear of dying: 3 strategies to manage it"

2. If emotions flood, you have to look for the refloating

Although you have to leave space to connect with emotions, you also attention must be paid to the danger that these reach maladaptive levels for your own balance.

That is to say, sadness or anger may appear, but if they are maintained intensely for long periods of time and affect, for example, the quality of sleep, eating patterns or affective relationships, help must be sought.

In situations where emotions seem to flood life, it is not braver who tries to swim alone by swallowing water, but who is capable of looking for the board to refloat.

• Related article: "Grief: coping with the loss of a loved one"

3. I have no medical training and I don't understand anything, what do I do?

Before the diagnosis of cancer, many doubts arise related to medical concepts that are sometimes unfamiliar. We currently have quick access to information, which is not always good.

It is possible that in the face of medical reports the urgent need to know more arises, which is why we end up submerged on the Internet reading things that perhaps far from reassuring us, exacerbate our fears even more.

Given this, perhaps it is better to stop searching on our own and write down doubts and issues related to the disease in a notebook and compare it with the medical team that handles the case. It must be remembered that each person and each process has its characteristics and therefore, it is better to find out about the particular situation.

• Related article: "Digital hypochondriacs: the danger of using the Internet to self-diagnose"

4. Follow the day by day, the world does not stop

Although it seems that the world has stopped, the day to day must continue, regardless of whether the forecast is more or less favorable. It might seem insensitive, but it is for the good of the sick person and their environment. You have to make an effort so that cancer is not the protagonist, and open spaces and moments where you can relax, as much as possible, and find little things that generate well-being.

In this sense, it is not necessary to make a list of "things to do before you die" and do them, but perhaps the art of valuing the little things and enriching everyday life is more important: giving and watering an aromatic plant, playing, walking, remembering good times, cooking, seeing the sea, looking at photos, movies, listening to music...

It is possible that there is a lack of motivation, lack of appetite or difficulty in undertaking some activities. If this happens, we can base our actions on a simple and very powerful objective: laugh. Laughter is involved in the generation of opiates (natural substances secreted by the brain to deal with pain) and is one of the most powerful tools.

Tell jokes, anecdotes, stories, or laugh, even without wanting to, until you get the real laugh and even spread it. You have to try it, few things are as grateful as human laughter. Finding a way to make a person who is suffering laugh It can be one of the most powerful actions you can do right now.

If the severity of the disease makes movement or complex cognitive activities difficult, let's base the action understanding this concept: the nutritious company. In this sense, accompanying without forcing, just allowing the person with cancer to feel accompanied, both to express their emotions, ask questions, compare opinions or share the silence.

Bibliographic references:

• Kleihues, P., & Cavenee, W. (2000). World Health Organization classification of tumors. Pathology and genetics of tumors of the nervous system. IARC, Lyon.

• Jaimes, J., Claro, A., Perea, S., & Jaimes, E. (2011). Laughter, an essential complement in the patient's recovery. Med UIS, 24, 1-6.