4 mistakes that parents make when their children disobey

Anyone who has cared for boys or girls knows that, in certain ways, they can be like a time bomb. "Bad" behavior and tantrums are an element that can occur with astonishing frequency; In most cases, The strange thing is that the little ones stick to the rules that we set for them, not the opposite.

However, if boys and girls have an almost natural tendency to disregard the rules, the fathers and mothers have not developed an innate and intuitive ability to deal with this. They must learn from their experience to achieve this and pay close attention to what strategies they use to stop their sons or daughters from misbehaving.

Unfortunately, in this process of learning on the fly, a series of very frequent errors appear that are totally avoidable. In most cases, detecting and removing them takes time and effort, so if you want to save yourself the hassle, you can always read the following: The most frequent mistakes that fathers and mothers make when their children disobey.

Frequent traps to avoid when little ones disobey

during childhood ideas as abstract as civility, perseverance or long-term plans mean nothing. Sigmund Freud he said that this reflected the nature of the It, one of the three psychic structures which according to him operated in the back room of the mind of human beings. However, outside of psychoanalysis, this phenomenon has a scientifically explained reason: its frontal lobes they are not so connected with the rest of the brain as to make their decisions go much further than the here and now.

In fact, during the first months of life, babies have serious difficulties when it comes to "disengage" their attention from the first thing they see, even if they sense that there is something more important next to them than not they are looking. As the neurons of the infant brain become more connected to each other, forming the so-called white matter, the ability to direct one's actions towards long-term goals is improving, but this is a gradual process that does not culminate until well into adolescence.

Therefore, what fathers and mothers should aim for is to adapt to the mentality of their sons and daughters and to create coexistence strategies that are not toxic for both sides. Let's see what are the most frequent mistakes when managing children's disobedience at home.

1. demonstrations of power

One of the traps that fathers and mothers fall into is taking disobedience as a challenge. directly to his authority, something that must be managed as if it were an intimidation game military.

The fact that a boy or girl does not comply with the rules does not mean that they do so to defy. In fact, it is most likely that his actions are a consequence, simply, that he does not take those rules into account, that he forgets them. This is very common, since many times rules of behavior that seem to us to be common sense are, before their eyes, devoid of meaning, something that is not understood and that, consequently, they do not manage to understand. memorize.

So, in order to avoid this error, we must first make sure if we are dealing with a case of "disobedience" or, rather, of simple "non-obedience". If it is the latter, you have to make an effort to make your son or daughter understand the logic behind the norm.

2. Mimic the tantrum

Seeing how a child yells and verbally attacks us for a rule that he does not like can tempt us to do basically the same thing: get angry and fight back. But in these cases this It's just fighting fire with more fire, and it only serves for two people to spend a stressful and unpleasant time.

If this tantrum results in a punishment, which is very frequent, it must be taken into account that this punishment will not be interpreted as anything other than an extension of the tantrum of the father or mother. That is: the reason for the punishment will be personal satisfaction related to what the adult feels in the here and now, nothing more.

That is why children who are constantly punished develop resentment and frustration, something that in no case does it lead them to behave better, but to behave worse in a better way, without receiving the punishments.

3. Give

Giving in when children refuse to follow certain rules is always counterproductive, since it is an act that speaks for itself and whose message is "disobeying works". That is, they come to believe that following the rules is optional and, by extension, the rules are useless. They are just an annoying obstacle to dodge, whether they are present or not you will be able to do what you want.

4. Pretend that nothing has happened

This error is similar to the previous one, but with a nuance. Whereas if we give in we are implying that the rule is removed and no longer counts, by ignoring the rule violation we introduce a healthy helping of ambiguity into the situation. Does the father or mother not act because he has not realized that he has disobeyed, or has he realized and has not considered that it is important? The feeling of neglect and that what one does does not matter to anyone is very negative, although this option is the most comfortable in the short term for the adult: simply, avoid getting into trouble.

Thus, disobedience must always have a consequence, even if this is the reformulation of the rules to find a better balance between both interests. Negotiation can be very positive, since it is a way of demonstrating the idea that the needs and concerns of sons and daughters are taken into account and respected.

• Related article: "Child psychology: a practical guide for fathers and mothers"