What are the effects of not knowing how to say 'no'?

Do we know how to say "no" when necessary? Unfortunately, the reality is that many people still do not establish clear limits in their lives, and this has negative consequences in their day-to-day lives and in their personal relationships. Often, this lack of assertiveness is due to fear of being rejected or a very strict upbringing, based on exaggerated responsibility and the idea of ​​"sacrifice" for others.

Next, We will see how the inability to say “no” affects our lives and our relationships. when necessary.

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What is assertiveness (and the lack thereof)?

We call assertiveness the ability to express our opinions and points of view trying to maintain the balance between respect for oneself and others. That is, assertiveness consists of communicating our desires and needs without using language violent or intimidating that may be uncomfortable, both for us and for our interlocutor.

The ability to be assertive is essential in our species, since the human being is essentially a social being and needs a good communication with others to ensure a comfortable and pleasant environment in which to fully develop all their capabilities. This is one of the things that distinguishes us from animals: our ability to communicate openly, while respecting the needs and emotions of others. In other words, we go beyond strict survival and build social relationships based on respect and healthy communication.

But of course, this is not always the case. In fact, being assertive is often a real challenge. Many things influence this: from low self-esteem and an exaggerated fear of rejection by others, to an excess of shyness or an education based on exclusive service to others, always putting our needs second term.

The lack of assertiveness can basically occur in two ways: the first, through aggressive and hurtful communication. The second occurs in situations where We are not capable of expressing our needs and opinions and we yield to the wishes of others without taking our own into account.. It is what is commonly called “not knowing how to say no”.

• You may be interested in: "Fear of rejection: this is how it isolates us from other people"

What are the negative effects of not knowing how to say “no”?

The inability to express what we feel and need can create very uncomfortable situations that, in the long run, affect our lives and our relationships with others. Next, we will review the most important negative effects of not knowing how to say “no”.

1. affects self esteem

This is probably the most negative effect of all, since a low selfsteem it can deteriorate our relationships with others (and with ourselves). The fact of not giving importance to our own needs makes us feel undervalued and displaced. It can also trigger a feeling of guilt for not having set proper boundaries.

At the same time, low self-esteem It can cause us to be more and more accommodating with others, precisely to seek that approval that we do not give ourselves.

2. Feelings of anger may arise that make assertiveness difficult

It is common to see, in people who do not know how to say "no", angry outbursts that cause them to express their feelings in hurtful ways. That is precisely the result of not having known how to communicate assertively; anger and frustration accumulate and the person ends up expressing his true opinion in an unconstructive way.

3. It can cause financial problems

The inability to refuse a job that seems abusive to us, always being willing to work overtime without pay, constantly lending money to a person... all these situations can cause considerable stress and generate a situation of financial instability that can complicate it even more further.

4. Establish unhealthy relationships

When a personal bond is not based on sincerity and authentic communication (which gives importance to the interests of the other person as well as one's own) cRun the risk of becoming an unbalanced relationship, in which the other person is the one who makes all the decisions. This can lead to feelings of inferiority (and even humiliation) that can deeply affect the relationship.

Not only that. When others are used to saying "yes" to everything they ask of us, it is much more difficult reverse this situation, since we have generated expectations that will be increasingly difficult for us to break. In addition, and precisely due to the difficulty of reversing the situation, it is very possible that we end up creating a kind of comfort zone for ourselves so that we do not have to take the plunge.

• You may be interested in: "The 7 Main Types of Toxic Relationships"

5. Facilitates abuse

If we do not set limits and always say "yes" to everything, we can fall into the hands of manipulative profiles that can make our lives frankly very difficult. Assertiveness is a very effective way to dot the i's and set healthy boundaries to prevent abuse.

6. It is counterproductive when it comes to getting results

A person who does not know how to say "no" will carry a series of jobs that do not correspond to him. This is not only counterproductive for the person themselves (since it can generate stress and anxiety due to work overload), but it also it is also highly unproductive, since what could be solved more easily by distributing the tasks ends up being centralized in a single person.