Interview with Karemi Rodríguez: when perfectionism generates discomfort

In the society in which we live, it is common to see how perfection in all its forms is constantly extolled.

The western world is competitive and globalized, so we are subjected to a constant bombardment of news, images and videos showing extreme cases of people who stand out positively in something: the most skilled athletes, the artists with the greatest capacity to be groundbreaking, the most successful entrepreneurs, the most influential charismatic... And of course, the most attractive and young celebrities.

Perhaps for this reason, in our culture, the fact of settling for living well without standing out especially in nothing is something that is often seen with a bad eye: there is talk of mediocrity, of conformism... For an important part of the population, although it is a paradox, the normal thing seems to be to try not to be part of normality, to strive to tend to perfection. Therefore, on this occasion we will talk with the psychologist Karemi Rodríguez Batista about the problems related to perfectionism.

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Interview with Karemi Rodríguez Batista: when perfectionism is a problem

Karemi Rodriguez Batista She is a General Health Psychologist specialized in contextual therapies; In addition, she is the creator of the PsicoK website, in which she has spent years disseminating topics related to Psychology and mental health. She currently offers face-to-face therapy at her Madrid office, as well as online therapy. In this interview we will talk to her about the problems that often result from a mismanagement of perfectionism.

From your experience as a psychologist, what are the areas of life in which you have noticed that people who attend therapy tend to be too perfectionists?

Firstly, I would like to clarify that there are types and levels. On the one hand, a healthy or more effective perfectionism would guide our behavior to do things as best possible in a committed way, taking the error as a learning opportunity and in a compassionate.

On the other hand, there is unhealthy or ineffective perfectionism, which occurs when achievements are seen as the thermometer of our worth as people and therefore with a panic at any mistake or form of disapproval, as well as an excessive self-criticism, demand and need to control not only towards ourselves but also towards others, which leads us to rigid avoidant and compulsive behavior patterns, with a permanent feeling of not being enough.

Actually this phenomenon can touch any area. In my experience I have seen them in all of them: personal, relational, academic, work, family, and even in health. This depends a lot on the person's learning history.

Bearing in mind that anxiety often appears as a reaction to the fear of failing... Can this be considered a form of problematic perfectionism?

Indeed, this is a fundamental characteristic that I mentioned to you, and not so much anxiety or fear but what we do with it.

If, for example, we react by excessively checking something, seeking constant reassurance, procrastinating and/or avoiding situations or people important to us Due to this fear, what we do is that in the short term we "calm down", we avoid the probable unfavorable evaluation of the other person, but in the medium and long term we are feeding more, and dysfunctional anxiety will tend to increase both in its frequency and in intensity and duration, as well as to generalize to other situations. And above all, in this process we will be taking away important opportunities and values ​​for us.

Do you think that the tendency to fantasize about perfection can become an undesirable habit? Perhaps the people who obtain the best and most remarkable results are those who at each step They are focusing on concrete and achievable goals in the short term, to progress slowly but surely. pause.

Completely. Let's see, fantasizing in itself is even natural, but if we do it excessively, and using this as a control or management strategy for our discomfort and a very recurring way, so we do have to be alert because it can become a problem and we disconnect from more valuable and effective behaviors, as well you say.

In my opinion and experience, the best results occur this way, having a direction, goals well-founded in values ​​and an "action plan". There is a good technique that has to do with what you tell me, the SMART (for its acronym in English) which translated would guide that our objectives were established being very specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and with delimitation temporary.

Now, a relevant question in terms of goals from perfectionism, fed by our society, is this of "he who wants, can" and "if you try hard enough, you get it" and it is a great lie, and a great source of suffering. Let's see, no, it's not that simple.

We are in a world interacting with people and contingencies that are generally not controllable by us; For this reason, it is better to be committed to our objectives, but being aware that although many of them we will reach them, many others will not, or at least not so fast, and for this reason it is crucial that our worth does not depend on this.

In the cases in which the level of perfectionism becomes excessive, with what type of psychopathologies does it overlap?

Due to its characteristics it can overlap, and in cases derive, in the so-called obsessive-compulsive personality disorder according to the DSM, or "anankastic personality disorder" according to the ICD. It can also be a maintainer of other problems related to body image, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, etc.

What are the kinds of thoughts related to perfectionism that are often used as an excuse to put off doing tasks?

Great question. There are several, of course, but the line would be those derived from an all-or-nothing (dichotomous) style, of control and fear of failure. For example, "until..." is very helpful. "Until I have everything perfect, I don't send it" (and from here I start to check until the last comma), "Until I have a doctorate, I don't attend to it", "Until I see myself perfect and I feel safe enough, I won't talk to him (let's see what criteria I'm using to measure this "perfect" and "sufficient" because I never get there anyway) and So.

What can be done in psychotherapy to transform this desire to do things well into a source of potential and productivity, rather than something that gives way to bad habits?

First, we qualify those “good” criteria, which come from our history and are very unique, as well as being constantly changing.

Contextual behavioral therapies work very well for this. Very briefly, from an ideographic functional analysis of these problematic behaviors, it is proposed to promote or implement others that in the long term lead us to a much more valuable life, developing psychological flexibility and compassion (not indulgence) towards oneself and others, versus that rigidity and excessive criticism.

Bearing in mind that the labor market is increasingly competitive and requires specialization, do you think there could come a point in which ideals of perfection through work are exalted that are unhealthy for most people?

Yes, sadly this is already the case, and you have to be careful. Since the end of the last century, our society has been establishing itself as a tremendously competitive and individualistic one and this, of course, is reflected in our conduct.

However, taking a bit of perspective, since some behaviors related to this are rigidity and would procrastinate, this translates into worse results in our work; from here creativity, satisfaction, teamwork, perseverance, or good coexistence are complicated. There is usually a lot of frustration, and interpersonal relationships are also affected.

Our life is directed more towards avoiding failure than towards life satisfaction and seeing mistakes or unpleasant experiences as learning opportunities. Someone said about perfectionism, I don't remember who: “We become successful failures”, because whatever we do and wherever we are will never be enough”.