Manipulative behavior: how to detect it in 6 keys

Normally, when we talk about domination and power of some people over others, we refer to the use of force or economic power, used to bury the opponents. Thus, we often overlook the fact that the use of force is not the only way to violate the dignity of people so that they act according to someone's interests.

In this article we will talk about manipulative behavior; how it is expressed in social relationships and how it can influence our actions without us realizing it, through unconscious or almost unconscious processes.

• Related article: "The 8 types of manipulators: how does each one act?"

How to spot manipulative behavior

When it comes to recognizing the signs that manipulative behavior is present in a dialogue or a social interaction in general, you can look at these features.

1. The strategic use of guilt

A common way of trying to manipulate others is to bring up facts for which the other feels responsible and guilty, even if introducing that topic into the dialogue does not contribute much beyond making the other in a situation of vulnerability.

Nobody is perfect, and it is very possible that the manipulated person has real reasons to feel bad when remembering those actions that he performed in the past. However, it is one thing to ask for responsibility for it in a context in which doing so is constructive (for example, when asking to repair the damage caused to others), and another is to talk about it only to be in a position of dominance in the dialogue and be in a position to demand that the other conform to what one wants them to do.

2. The projection of egoism

Another habitual way of negatively influencing the other, typical of manipulative behavior, consists of performing gaslighting, which is based on making the other person doubt her own criteria, so that it appears that she is not qualified to support her point of view.

There are many ways to do this; for example, making him believe that he has issued unfair criticism against someone without this having been true.

By its nature, gaslighting is difficult to detect at first. However, if such situations are repeated in which, according to the other person, there are reasons to believe that we have been confused or confused on more than one occasion, and this does not happen in our social relationships with the rest, it is very possible that manipulative behavior is taking place.

• You may be interested in: "Gaslighting: the most subtle emotional abuse"

3. interpret rests at will

People with a tendency to manipulate others do everything possible to create a framework of interpretation of the facts in which ambiguities play in their favor.

For example, they can comment that if at any point in the course of a dialogue that they are maintaining with someone there is a silence somewhat longer than normal, that is a sign that the other doubts or Is shy. Although it is quite clear that this is not the case, simply by doing this, a precedent will have already been set that contributes to the fact that, even unconsciously, the other person may adopt a somewhat more submissive attitude, one in which the possibility of maintaining a symmetrical relationship with the other is renounced.

4. Get your foot in the door

Another of the clearest signs of manipulative behavior consists of telling half truths so that the other person agrees. interested in something that you would not have been interested in if you had had all the information about it from a principle.

In this way, the other of the first steps is achieved by acting as the manipulative person wants, so that when he realizes that this option is not as attractive as he expected, taking a step back already has a higher cost than it did at the beginning. start. And it is that human beings tend to want to justify the sacrifices made, as shown by the phenomenon known as cognitive dissonance.

• Related article: "Cognitive dissonance: the theory that explains self-deception"

5. Use references in an interested way

Another frequent way in which it is manipulated consists of praising the virtues of another person whom we are supposed to be like, despite the fact that the circumstances in which this referent lives or has lived are very different to ours.

For example, we can mention the case of billionaires who started from relative poverty to try to make let's work more, ignoring that if these people are famous it is among other things because luck made cases of them exceptional.

This is done to damage one's self-esteem, while creating the need to get involved in the tasks that the manipulative person asks of us.

6. Appeal to a false consensus

Another of the manipulative behaviors is simply assuming that we will do what is asked of us, because apparently that is what everyone in our situation would do. In this way, a false social pressure makes us fit into the molds of what is expected of us.

What to do to avoid being manipulated?

Although each case is unique, you can follow these general tips to protect yourself against tampering attempts.

1. value time

In deciding whether or not to behave as requested, it should be clear that you need time to think about it. Make it clear that trying to rush you is actually a valid reason to refuse.

2. Ask for all the information you need

Since there is no rush, there is no reason why you cannot ask for all the necessary information. Negative reactions to this are also a reason to respond with a "no" to what is proposed to you, and that is how you should communicate it. It is the other person's job to make you understand the situation, it is not your fault if it is not clear to you. The assertiveness it's key.

3. Do not tolerate disrespect

No one has the right to make us feel bad so that we act as they want. Disrespecting each other is a red line that should not be crossed.

4. Ask for third opinions

This is a very underappreciated possibility. Asking for the opinion of others is a very useful help.