How to start a conversation with whoever you want, in 6 steps

Relating with others is something basic and fundamental to having a satisfying life; but it is not always easy. And it is that, even if it seems a lie, know how to start a conversation properly it can become a problem, in certain situations, even for the most extroverted people.

Now, despite the fact that for many people this means leaving their comfort zone, the art of starting to talk to whoever we want is a skill that can be learned.

• Related article: "15 interesting and funny conversation topics"

Learn to know how to start a conversation

Something as simple as knowing how to start a conversation spontaneously with someone we are interested in It can be what makes the difference between having a fulfilling social life or not having it.. And there are people who are so afraid of this type of situation that they end up isolating themselves and having few friends, which in turn is a way of having a social support network rather small.

Here are some basics about how to start a conversation.

1. Learn to tolerate failure

The first thing you have to be clear about is that no matter how much you read, that will only help you to know what strategies to follow to face this facet of your social life; it is impossible to learn this type of thing without having gone into practice. And that means that, necessarily, we will have to go through some uncomfortable situations to achieve a medium and long-term goal that is much more beneficial than the slight discomfort that comes from leaving your comfort zone at first.

There is no magic recipe that solves the issue overnight without having to put effort into it. The key is knowing how to make that effort productive.

2. Don't be a perfectionist with the moment

Almost anywhere is a good place to start a conversation, as long as the other person isn't in a hurry. Sometimes, stopping to analyze whether the context is conducive to approaching someone and starting a dialogue is nothing more than an excuse (masked under rationality) to let those opportunities.

3. At first, opt for questions

When you start practicing how to start conversations, the fact that you will probably feel nervous and a certain anxiety it will limit your range of action. Therefore, it is good to recognize this small obstacle and act accordingly. And one way to do that is to make the time to start a dialogue short for yourself, and longer for the other person. That is to say: what we will do is pass on the responsibility of the dialogue to the other, through a question that the interlocutor must answer.

Now, for this to work, that question must lead to an answer that is not short and that has a relative complexity. In this way, we will avoid that what we get back is a simple sentence of few words, and an awkward silence appears. The objective is that the response of the other allows us to comment on what has been said, and make the dialogue drift to something else. Once this has been done, it is easier to feel comfortable with the situation.

4. start easy

This is one of the classic recommendations of psychology, and it really works. If we tackle very ambitious goals at the beginning, we will most likely get frustrated and end up throwing in the towel. You have to educate yourself to see that starting a conversation does not trigger unintended consequences, and for that it is good to start with people to whom we do not feel vulnerable, despite being relatively unknown people.

Little by little, we must increase the level of difficulty, leaving more and more of the comfort zone.

5. Learn to listen

Paradoxically, what causes discomfort when starting a conversation with someone who commands respect is not the fact that start talking, but what can happen right after, when it's our turn to act again after having seen the reaction of the other. Therefore, it is very important to learn to listen.

If we listen to what the other person says, distancing ourselves from the situation and concentrating our attention on the content of your message, it is very easy for reflections, questions or appreciations to arise spontaneously that may be interesting to share.

Taking into account that when we are training basic social skills, our role cannot be very outgoing, it is good play the role of someone who knows how to listen: everyone likes to feel that there is someone who is paying attention to what is being said says.

Therefore, it is important to learn to adopt the competencies of active listening that facilitate this: keep eye contact (directing the gaze in the direction of the other person's face is enough, if we do it and do not pay more attention to that aspect, we will achieve it spontaneously without our realizing it and without becoming obsessed with the subject), agreeing, making comments short, etc.

6. Give the answer centered on the message

At this point, we must limit ourselves to answering about what the other person has said, although we already we can introduce other related ideas, or even personal experiences. Since the conversation has already been started, it can now drift in almost any direction, as long as everything starts from the intervention of the other person.