Are you going through a duel? These 5 keys will help you cope better

Grief is defined as the reaction to the loss of a loved one, although it can also be associated with the loss of an object that is too significant for a person, a stage of life or a particular event in existence (Martínez, 2015).

As Rogina and Quilitch (2006) point out, when reference is made to the loss of a person, an overly complex experience is generated that generates significant repercussions at a physical, emotional, behavioral and social level, due to the development of feelings associated with the absence of that person, and also with a sudden uncertainty about the future that even leads to questioning the very meaning of life.

How to go through a duel?

The ways of assimilating grief vary significantly depending on the life stories of each person. person, experiences and personality, aspects that together generate a particular coping system, that is, say, a unique way of reacting to adverse situations that result in the death of a loved one.

However, in general, there are keys that can help us improve our coping systems and our ways of assimilating grief. Although it is true that mourning cannot be totally overcome, because the absence of the person and there will always be memories of his life and the moments he spent with us,

It is important that if you are experiencing a duel you have a series of supports, approaches and options that allow you to feel better and better.

1. Don't suppress the pain

It is important that you are able to feel and express your pain, rather than suppress it, which is key to accepting that your loved one it is gone, that the loss is irreparable, that it is normal to suffer and that the expression of all your emotions is established as a crucial requirement for your progressive strengthening, for the acceptance of the facts, to understand the inevitability of death and, above all, to value your own life more and more and that of the other people who are by your side.

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2. Seek the company of people you appreciate

It is important that you understand that your pain and grief have an impact on others. For this reason, you need the company of the people you love, because due to the enormous pain associated with mourning, the significance of the emotions it generates, is established as an experience that must be shared and accompanied.

It is normal for people who have had a loss of this type to value the company of their family and friends more, since they have emotional support that allows them to vent, remember the good things and moments that happened with that person who has left, having someone to talk to in the most difficult moments, sharing emotions and jointly building new coping possibilities.

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3. Grief is not a disease

Although bereavement is associated with manifestations that are similar to those presented in the clinical pictures of depression, such as the feeling of despondency, deep sadness, disappointment, apathy and detachment from life, what The first thing you have to understand is that grief is not a disease but a natural reaction to an event. painful. You are not suffering from a disease, but instead are developing a series of reactions that are adaptive before the loss of someone very significant to you.

This adjustment process is not only natural but absolutely necessary for you to be able to express your pain and move forward. And since grief is not a disease, there is no specific cure either, just a series of acceptance, adaptation and resilience processes that can help you feel better and better.

4. Don't give in to the feeling of mourning

Although it is important that you can express your emotions and suffer pain as a means of adaptation and acceptance, it is also key that in this process you continue to develop your daily self-care activities, among which grooming and personal care habits stand out, as well as eating, hydrating well and sleeping properly.

It is important that you pay attention to your body, since traumatic experiences can generate excessive energy expenditure as a result. That's why you should take better care of yourself, exercise, participate in recreational activities and try to keep a clear mind.

This is very important because in the duel they appear in an almost uncontrolled and random way various sensations that go beyond suffering, and that are connected, for example, with guilt, anger, fear or sadness shame. Therefore, it is key that you take care of your health, that you continue doing the activities that you like and that you distract yourself without trying to deny what has happened.

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5. Give yourself time to return to performing well in all your activities

There is no such thing as a specific time in which the duel ends or is overcome, since it depends on each person and each situation. In any case, it is important that you do not rush too much to return to your activities, since it is normal that your cognitive abilities and your abilities are reduced due to the emotional impact you have had.

It is important respect the rhythm of the duel, taking into account that there are days that you will feel better, but there are others in which it will seem that you regress. You can gradually incorporate your normal activities, establishing new adaptation mechanisms and always allowing yourself your moments of solitude to reflect and remember that person.

In the midst of all this process it is important that you always remember the loved one who is gone, in the best way possible. Only you know what is the most meaningful way to honor your relationship with her, to value the life she had and the moments you shared.