Understanding child sexual abuse

Child sexual abuse is a problem that has been going on forever and doesn't always come to light., since it is usually denied.

Let's define it: child sexual abuse is the use of a boy or girl in order to satisfy an adult. To be considered as such, we must take into account three points:

• Victim and aggressor have significantly different ages, which jeopardizes the freedom of decision of the minor.
• There is coercion on the part of the aggressor, use of force or deception.
• The types of sexual behaviors that are carried out, being able to be with or without physical contact.

As we will see later, the fact of being a victim of sexual abuse It is not always obvious, since many times there are no physically violent events or experiences of pain, it is even possible that there is no physical contact.

The consequences of child sexual abuse

The abuse usually causes psychological and emotional symptoms, but this does not always appear after the abuse, but can manifest itself later (adulthood). This symptomatology can be subtle: behavior changes, isolation, irritability...

that can be understood as signs of other types of disorders. On the other hand, depression, bulimia, anorexia, schizophrenia, borderline, among others, tend to highly correlate with the experience of abuse in childhood.

It has been seen that the fact of "keeping the secret", not talking about what happened and hiding it, hurts more than the abuse itself. This is why it is important that when possible abuse is suspected, we try to find out about it and bring it to light. In the case of children, we can do it in the form of symbolic play, creation of stories, incomplete stories, among others. What we achieve by realizing what happened in time is that we can treat it and, in this way, the sequelae can be minimal, even zero. That is why it is important to listen to children and allow them to talk about how they feel.

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Some data…

• 1 in 5 children are sexually abused.
• The majority of abuse, approximately 90%, occurs through games.
• 87% of the time, the abusers are people from the child's environment, so they can trick them – we must bear in mind that they are people they trust. Furthermore, most abuse begins as games, although over time it can escalate in intensity and violence.
• 1 in 4 abuse turns into rape.
• Most abusers have been victims of sexual abuse before and are usually people who have not received no type of treatment for this, so these behaviors are maintained in the following generations.
• In a group it is easier for abuse to come out than individually, since when someone dares to confess it, others can feel confident to say it.
• Many times, the experience of sexual abuse comes to light due to the minor's fear that it will happen to another person around her.

The importance of prevention

Even though sexual abuse is a topic that seems generally scary to talk about, It is important that workshops are held and/or we talk at home with minors about sex education. You have to talk about the genitals, since they tend to show curiosity, and explain to them that it is something intimate that is not shown to just anyone. We have to explain who, when and how can touch them. This part is especially important, since this way they will learn to set limits with people who have learned that it is not appropriate for them to do certain things, or to express in case they do; to question if the grandfather, the cousin or the uncle can, and have the confidence to tell their parents.

We can meet children who have a lot of sexual interest and that is not bad, but as adults and caregivers we must teach them to regulate this interest. For example, when they start to masturbate, we can make it natural but they understand that it can't be done anywhere because it can be offensive to other people. In this way, we make children do it in a safe way or in a safe environment.

In short, being able to speak naturally and let them live their sexuality naturally, since this is healthy; and, at the same time, explain to them when it can be bad, for example, when it is used with an older child small or a child who disagrees and, of course, when someone older than you does it with him/her child

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Beware of the use of pornography

There are cases in which older children have had complete sexual relations with minors due to the use of pornography. This can happen due to the fact that access to pornography makes them sprout sexual energy, especially in adolescence, and they don't know how to channel it, using it inappropriately.

It is true that many parents use parental controls to restrict the content to which our children have access. But sometimes, this is not enough, as they find a way to bypass this control.

For this, once again, sex education is very important and, at certain ages, the exhaustive control of the content that our children see, as well as limiting the hours and the devices to which they have reach, especially when they are small and we are not always on top of they

The importance of not judging the abuser

It must be taken into account, as mentioned above, that 87% of abusers are people very close to the abuser. minor (grandparents, cousins, uncles...), which means that they are people he trusts and people he cares about dear. It is for this reason that we cannot judge the abuser, we cannot tell him that he is super bad because this is going to make the child feel bad for telling it because it can lead to consequences negative. For example, “my uncle / grandfather / father is going to jail, he shouldn't have said it”, and this can make the minor feel guilty.

Besides, it would be advisable to also work with the abuser and not only with the abused person through family therapy. That is, that the person who engages in sexually abusive behaviors receives psychological therapy for these cases. This is so because of what was mentioned above about the fact that most abusers have suffered abuse in their childhood, so treating them could also increase the chances of stopping the intergenerational chain of abuses.

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How to tackle it?

For the treatment of victims of sexual abuse it is necessary to work with emotions, since These people often have intense feelings of guilt, shame, and pain, as well as anger and frustration. For this reason, we have to give permission to the person through the validation of these emotions to understand what could have been vulnerable, but that he has to understand and personify himself, since he has been a loved and trusted person who has done this to him and how are we going to consider that this is something bad.

It is also important to explore the emotions related to the secret: “what would happen if you told me, what would happen if you told mom or dad, what consequences do you think it would have?”.

Another feeling that is important to work on is pleasure since, if the abuse is not violent, there may be caresses and touching that, in fact, have given him pleasure. Besides, Being trusted people, children normalize these episodesThey don't necessarily take it as a bad thing, especially when the abuse is based on those games of pleasure.

Growing up, as the sexual instinct awakens in them, is when they begin to realize that what happened in their childhood was sexual abuse, that it was not a game at all. Here the question arises as to whether or not to tell the family, because we are talking about a relative, which is very hard for the abused, especially when revealing this secret that can cause a family breakdown. Again we see feelings of guilt: “I was looking for it because I liked it, how am I going to say it now? This has been my fault."

It is convenient do not dramatize the events with the child while he is present, but to make them understand that these people did not know how far they could go and that it would be necessary to explain to them where the limits are. With this we managed, on the one hand, to support the child in terms of what happened in relation to the negative emotions related to guilt and empathy towards the abuser. Let us remember that they are people in whom the minor trusts and whom he loves. In other words, we ensure that minors do not feel guilty that it has happened, but rather that they understand that the adult is responsible for these actions (“who did not know what not to do”).

When all this is not treated with the children, we will eventually see significant symptoms and disease in the adults, since it is something that they have kept quiet about for a long time, but, even without being fully aware, it ends coming out. Here lies the importance of giving credit and importance to minors so that they have enough confidence to tell it.

At the psychology center PsychoAlmería there are psychologists specialized in caring for both adults and minors who have suffered sexual abuse.