Do not marry without knowing this before

As time passes and our relationship as a couple consolidates, we consider moving forward and committing ourselves to that special person. First of all, we should ask ourselves if we are choosing correctly or, rather, consciously.

Each person is a world and only she knows her tastes and desires. Probably making the option to share life with another person is the most transcendental thing we do in life. It would be advisable to ask ourselves if that person makes us feel good, if she allows us and encourages us to grow, and if she is someone who adds to our lives. What does the heart tell us when we think of her? What does the head tell us?

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Aspects to consider before getting married

And it is that we often overlook certain key issues, which, if we do not give them the importance they deserve, can become real headaches and even ruin our relationship. In the sentimental field we let ourselves be carried away by the emotion of those we feel and ignore important issues:

1. Finance

We don't like to talk about money, that's a fact. In this sense, reviewing our beliefs in this regard is a way of knowing how our relationship with him is: we are often educated in the idea that it is dirty or brings trouble.

It is true that it is not a very romantic matter, but it is important to approach it openly. How much is each one going to contribute to cover rent or mortgage expenses and bills? How are we going to pay for the purchase of food? What do we do with the car and gasoline? Will we have a joint account? What will be the contribution of each?

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2. housework

We will agree who or who will be in charge of carrying out each one of them, as well as the frequency. It is very useful to design a weekly schedule where everything is reflected and have it visible to the whole family at home. If there are children, we will adapt them to them depending on their age, but it is important that they participate as much both in planning and in carrying out, in this way they will learn to gradually assume responsibilities.

3. Place of residence and dwelling

Have we talked about where we are going to settle, do we prefer to live in the city or maybe a town? What kind of house do we want? Once this is decided... Could we reconcile that decision with the work that we are both currently doing, we are contemplating the possibility of changing jobs or even professions in the future, if so, would that be viable? possibility?

4. Children

Do we agree to have children? how many would we like to have, and when?

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5. values ​​and ethics

do we really know what values And pprinciples govern the life of our coupleWhat beliefs are important to her, do we have any in common? In the case of not matching values... Are they compatible with ours?

6. life goals

Likewise: do we know our partner well, what motivates them, what are their dreams, and their goals, can they coexist with ours?

7. Politics and ideology

We don't need to think the same way, but it is vital that our positions can be consistent and that we are consistent with ourselves. Obviously in both cases they must be based on respect for others and not contradict our own essential values.

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8. Couples of different nationality and/or region

In the case of relations between people of different nationalities and cultures, it is important to find the intermediate point, always on the path of tolerance and respect for what is different, evaluating if what our partner defends seems acceptable to us.

If we have children, we will have to decide which of these beliefs we are going to instill in them. Finally, if both of you speak different languages, it is advisable to decide which one we will choose for the delivery of your education and which one we will to use when addressing our children and they must be clear about which one is being used in each situation and moment to avoid them confusion.

9. Sexuality

Have we determined how sexuality is going to be between the two of us, what rules are there going to be, what do we allow, what are we not willing to do? And, above all, can we talk about this issue openly without constituting a taboo subject? Sexuality is an important part of the couple relationship, since it constitutes another form of communication.

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10. Political family

There must be clear rules in this regard to avoid conflicts, especially in cases of intrusive family members or those with very close ties. Will we allow visits from relatives at home, under what circumstances and conditions, what limits are we going to impose on them? What if one of us wants to meet for lunch every Sunday with his parents and siblings?

11. personal psychological work

As the philosopher said: “Know yourself”.

Are you prepared for a healthy relationship, do you love yourself, do you know what you want, do you respect yourself, do you carry grudges and anger from previous relationships? What do you bring in your emotional backpack? We have to be honest and offer our best version when it comes to relating to others. This does not mean that we show ourselves in a false way, but that we try to make life better for our loved ones. We know that no one is perfect, so we all have to be tolerant of other people's failures.

Do you know that person well with whom you are going to share your life?

Do you know what his fears are, what worries him now, at what point in his life is he, has he experienced difficult experiences, how has he handled them, how did he spend his childhood and adolescence?

Have we had deep conversations to understand each other's emotional universe, have we spent enough time with each other? It is common that either we do not know our partner in depth or we try to change it; It could be said that these two are the most frequent mistakes we make.

Couple relationships are complex, each one brings their “emotional backpack”, they require care and dedication.

Finally, and in the event that we are going through a couple crisis or need advice from a expert in the matter, there are professionals specialized in couples therapy who can provide us with orientation.