Guilty victim: why does guilt arise in those who are attacked?

Why does society normally exchange roles where the victim becomes the abuser and the abuser becomes the victim? The feeling of guilt of the victim is directly proportional to the degree of guilt of the offender. But why?

This tendency to blame the victim occurs because we often think that he has done something to deserve what happened to him. Victim blamers are often afraid of being abused and blaming the victim feels good because it creates the feeling that the consequences are fair and consistent; At the same time, it conveys to us the idea that it is in our hands to be able to avoid any type of abuse.

This attitude can cause a lot of confusion and pain to the victim and those around her.In addition, in this way it is possible to divert the responsibility of the aggressor.

This same attitude of denying and victimizing the aggressor and blaming the victim tells us of someone immature and can make us even more vulnerable to different types of abuse by believing that they can be avoided with different attitudes.

• Related article: "What is guilt and how can we manage this feeling?"

guilt is complex

It is very difficult to accept that "something bad" can happen to an innocent person, someone who did nothing and panic arises that then it can happen to us at any time and circumstance.

And in the same way, those who have already suffered some type of abuse, normally feel guilty for not having prevented the abuse, and look for a logical explanation of why they were treated like this, since this trauma is not treated, they tend to judge the victim first. We tend to blame the victim because we need to explain why. On the other hand, we want to excuse the abuser because we are afraid that such a violent person exists.

These violent people are very difficult to detect, they are normally very charming, and that makes it not fit with the behavior for which they are blamed, since the The aggressor himself denies all responsibility for the conflict or excuses himself by saying that he is the victim of the circumstances. In the same way, if we know the abuser, we are afraid of not being able to detect and prevent his behavior. Or if we have detected his behavior and not warned the victim or if we were his victim. We prefer unconsciously blaming the victim to avoid all those thoughts.

This feeling of guilt is a way of manipulating the abuser so that the victim does not tell, does not report, remains silent enduring this abuse. So, coupled with the emotional dependence and guilt help the victim not want to get away from her aggressor and continue with the relationship. The aggressor makes the victim feel guilty, since he conveys the idea that he could not exist without his existence and thus continues to make the victim feel responsible for everything that happened.

Guilt also arises from the feeling of having allowed what happened, for not having been able to avoid it, reinforcing the unfounded accusation of society towards the victim.

• You may be interested in: "The 8 Types of Manipulators: How Does Each Act?"

How to react?

Firstly, it is not to judge the situation, The reality is that situations are usually not under our control.. Victims are terrified and traumatized by the abuse, so seeking an explanation and a culprit can further affect the victim. Sometimes just listening and accompanying is the best we can do, as acquaintances with the victim.

Provide psychological and legal help for the victim, so that a criminal does not go unpunished (it is known that normally an abuser once accomplished the act, he can elaborate it several more times with multiple victims or with the same. )

If I know the abuser

In such cases, we basically must:

• not defend it
• Notify an authority
• Get away from him
• Expose what he has done

If I am the victim...

First of all, you should know that you are not to blame. All the fear, shame, helplessness and guilt is part of the abuse.; those emotions cloud your thoughts towards others. It is very important to denounce the aggressor so that he does not act again. In the same way, assist you psychologically. To overcome and be able to move on.

Accepting that it was something that was not in her hands and that she did everything possible to defend herself at that moment; since when you get out of that circle of violence you can realize that there are different solutions, but within this situation or relationship where one was abused, the person really does have it in their odds. Do not fall into "he would have", and move on.

The responsibility of the victim is often ignored due to the pain and suffering of this. But we must emphasize that it also gives the victim some peace of mind. It's a very painful situation and we don't want to think about it again, but ignoring the facts is not going to change them. Reporting is very important to prevent the victim from being abused again and to prevent the offender from abusing other people.