How to protect yourself from emotional blackmail?

Resorting to emotional blackmail to achieve some purpose is a phenomenon that occurs relatively frequently in life.

Obviously, not all people use this technique with the same frequency or with the same expertise. In this article we will talk about the implications of this mechanism but above all, how can we protect ourselves to try not to fall victim to emotional blackmail, or do it as little as possible.

• Related article: "What is an emotional manipulator? The 6 characteristics and warning signs"

What is emotional blackmail?

If someone wants to know how to protect themselves from emotional blackmail, it is essential that they first know exactly what this refers to. expression, because sometimes it can give rise to confusion or not be treated with the exactness with which it should be in order to identify it without place to doubts.

Emotional blackmail is conduct by which, the blackmailer tries to make the blackmailed person give in to his pressure to perform a certain action due to a feeling of guilt, fear or obligation

that has generated In this way, the subject who ends up giving in to blackmail is carrying out a behavior that he did not really want to carry out and that only satisfies the interests of the blackmailer.

This It is considered a form of control and in some cases even abuse, depending on the type of actions that are forced to carry out and the context and relationship between the two people. That is why it is essential to know how to protect yourself from emotional blackmail, an issue that we will analyze later.

Fear, obligation and guilt are the psychological tools used by those who use emotional blackmail. For its acronym in English, FOG (fear, obligation, guilt), which means fog, which serves to illustrate the way in which these individuals manage to cloud the judgment of their victims to get them to do what they want, even when they know they shouldn't, don't have to, or don't want to do it.

None of that matters when a blackmailer manages to coerce an individual and convince him of what he should do. Some people have a special facility to use this technique, and no scruples to do so. On the other hand, some subjects will be more vulnerable to being victims of this fact, so they are the ones who should pay special attention to how to protect themselves from emotional blackmail.

6 tips to protect yourself from emotional blackmail

You are not always safe from emotional blackmail, but there are certain methods that, to some extent, reduce the chances of falling for them. Below we will explore different techniques and resources to learn how to protect yourself from emotional blackmail.

1. Set limits

It is clear that The first containment dam against blackmail is none other than the establishment of clear and firm limits. Obviously, not all people will have the same ability to carry out this task and be blunt when it comes to mark some red lines that the blackmailer will not be able to cross, no matter how much he uses fear, guilt and obligation.

Knowing how to protect yourself from emotional blackmail means realizing the importance of these boundaries. In addition, they must be consistent, because if weakness is shown at a given moment or an exception is made, it will have been setting a precedent that will be the perfect excuse for the blackmailer to continue perpetrating his works in a manner repeated.

That is why, once we have decided on the limit that we do not want to cross in any way in the face of the action that is trying to force us to carry out, It can be made explicit and communicate that in no way will the position be transferred, so that the person who intends to blackmail us can stop wasting time on one that is not going to bear any fruit.

2. proxy statement

Another of the keys on how to protect yourself from emotional blackmail is precisely to make a declaration of power. This issue is closely linked to setting limits, but it is not exactly the same. What the proxy statement refers to is the demonstration that the individual is going to be firm in the limits that he has decided to set and therefore will not give in to blackmail.

It is a way of making the blackmailer see that no matter how much pressure he decides to exert, alluding to arguments of fear, obligation and guilt, one is going to keep strong and therefore all the effort will be in vain, because you will not achieve the intentions you had when trying to make you fall into blackmail emotional.

The ability to make that assertive statement is not the same for everyone, so some will find it easier than others. Like the limits, if we want the technique to be effective, we must have consistency and accompany the declaration of power of the appropriate attitude, effectively standing as firmly as we have declared we were going to do.

3. train assertiveness

As we said, not all individuals have the same facility to use these strategies, along the lines of how to protect themselves from emotional blackmail. But one way to facilitate its use is precisely the work of assertiveness. If we learn to communicate a message, however firm it may be, in a respectful and natural way, we will have gained a lot of ground in this regard.

Through assertiveness, we will be able to validate the feelings of the blackmailer himself but also ours, and let him know that it is not possible to comply with his requests, no matter how insistent it may be, responding calmly and with a respectful, but absolutely firm attitude.

Assertiveness is valid for many other situations, so it is an especially valuable skill, which is therefore worth training.

• You may be interested in: "Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication"

4. self esteem work

Like assertiveness, self-esteem work is also a great idea. Many blackmailers are aware of their victims' vulnerabilities and take advantage of this to achieve their goals. One of the most obvious is precisely low self-esteem. Therefore, proper training can be used, among many other things, to know how to protect yourself from emotional blackmail.

Logically, training self-esteem is not an easy task. If you do not have the right tools for it, the best option is to go to a psychologist, who will be your companion in this process and will teach you the ways in which you can achieve your goal.

As was the case with assertiveness, self-esteem is enormously valuable for countless situations, not just to gain strength in order to avoid emotional blackmail. Therefore, all the work that is carried out with the intention of reinforcing it will always be a success and it will be worth it.

5. mirror technique

Continuing with the techniques that help us know how to protect ourselves from emotional blackmail, we come to the mirror. This is a relatively simple but powerful strategy. The idea is to return to the blackmailer the argument of guilt, obligation or fear that he is throwing at us.

In this sense, if it asks us to carry out a certain behavior, which we do not want to do, since otherwise certain things, we can make him see that in reality those unpleasant things could happen if we decide to do the task that asks. Through the mirror tactic, we can return the blackmail attempt again and again, until we get him to give up.

6. Negotiation

Although so far, the techniques on how to protect yourself from emotional blackmail that we have seen have been along the lines of being blunt in the task of not giving in and not carrying out in any case the task that has been demanded of us, the reality is that there are other ways that respond to points intermediates.

If you don't want to do that specific task, but you do want a similar one, or partially instead of totally, you can try to negotiate with the supposed blackmailer. Evidently, This type of tactic should only be carried out if we really have an interest in the behavior that has been requested of us, since if not, the best option would be to set the limits and not give in..

If the specific situation makes both people extract a benefit, even to a certain extent, it may be interesting to negotiate, and not accept from emotional blackmail but from the very desire to participate in the requested activity, in search of that reward that is will get.

This list does not include all, but it does include some of the most important tactics so that, in the future, people who need it know how to protect themselves from emotional blackmail.

Bibliographic references:

• Chen, S.Y. (2010). Relations of Machiavellianism with emotional blackmail orientation of salespeople. Procedia-Social and Behavioral Sciences. elsevier
• Forward, S., Frazier, D. (1997). Emotional blackmail. Bantam.
• Lin, W.R., Chen, H.T., Luo, S.T. (2020). Relationships among emotional blackmail, job frustration, turnover intention for tour leaders. Anatolia. Taylor &Francis.
• Liu, C.C., Jhuang, S.Y. (2016). The study of emotional blackmail toward consumer purchasing intention-moderating variables of Self-Esteem. Xing Xiao Ping Lun.