Are you OK? The importance of being honest with ourselves

How many times do we say that we are fine because it is the usual and socially expected? And really, are we okay?

Throughout my personal and professional life I have met people who do feel satisfied and happy, who work every day to look forward and have a more or less effective management of what occurs.

They have tools to face the less fortunate events of life and, above all, they feel lucky because they perceive a correspondence between what they do and what happens to them. They practice gratitude towards each situation, even those that they did not expect or were not looking for because they know that they will learn something and they will be enriched by the experience.

They are people we can learn from and that numerous investigations show us that they are not superheroes, They are "ordinary" people, "ordinary people" who have learned to accept and integrate what occurs. Acceptance, not resignation. Accepting what happens, they can search, find and implement strategies to get ahead, focus on the learning that each experience leaves and improve yourself.

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Why we must know how to recognize that we are not well

On my way I have also met people who feel that they always “bump into what happens to them”, who are surprised by adverse circumstances over and over again, who try and try and try again and fail; people who feel unlucky, trapped in situations they don't know how to deal with; people who have been emotionally scarred by the blows they have received and no longer want to continue, or simply do not know how; people who have a hard time living and it costs them so much!

They think so much that they reach a point of resignation. I want to make it explicit that these people have every right to feel that way.

I'm not talking about taking a defeatist or “poor me” attitude. I am not referring to staying there, going round and round, mentally ruminating day after day what has happened to them. I am pointing out that it is not a question of hiding what you feel, but of allowing the discomfort to surface in order to look it in the face, feel it and then (and only then) be able to do something about it.

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Accept the present to improve our future

For anyone who wants to be prepared to feel deep and real well-being, it is essential to listen to yourself and do aware of what is really going on inside, what you are feeling: in bad times, that not wanting to continue, that negativism that arises... What pain hides behind?

Taking care of herself as a person, as a man, as a woman; attending to what is really suffering inside is the first step, as necessary as it is inevitable.

When you do not accept what is happening or recognize what you are feeling inside for what you are experiencing, or you are not aware of the discomfort that this experience causes you, then there can be no change.

In this way, when the culture of unwavering optimism becomes a reactive automatism in the face of adversity, it is overused and prevents us from exercising our right to feel bad; when we refuse to feel it, how are we going to get over it? Permanent optimism as a shock strategy in the face of the bad things that happen in life, does not allow us to perceive or attend to the feeling of discomfort and leaves a dangerous mark: it denies or at least misleads the less nice; It's like putting on a mask behind which remains what I don't want to see. She then becomes a stealthy thief of our freedom to be and to be, robbing us of our fundamental right to be who we are.

Thus, we numb what we do not want or cannot face. Of course, this allows us to move on!, but only because it anesthetizes what hurts or bothers. This can 'make it easier' for a while to cope with the pain or the non-acceptance of what is happening, and just to help in a section of the way, it is worth it, and that is okay. The problem appears when we turn this form of 'avoiding' into an escape habit. This -already investigated by science for decades- always has clear harmful consequences on our health.

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Accepting the challenge of change

When you don't like something, accepting what is happening to you inside is an essential prerequisite to being able to change it. Initially, acceptance does not imply 'doing' anything. You can start by simply saying to yourself: "I accept that I feel 'this'. I don't like it, but I accept that I'm sorry."

You may be going through difficult times in your life. To get out of that discomfort, regardless of whether it is a feeling that arises within you for no apparent reason, or if it is a difficulty with your partner, a family situation, or even a problem at work or social... You can change the way you feel. It's not easy, I know. Do not wait any longer: Right now you can start taking responsibility for your peace of mind. If you find it difficult, contact us, find a professional psychologist specializing in psychotherapy to accompany you on your way to finding your balance.

Remember, without acceptance there is no change.