How to communicate better in a relationship: 9 tips

There are those who take relationships as if they were a battlefield in which what matters is being right and imposing their own point of view. There are others who, on the contrary, base their dialogues with the couple on renouncing time after time to be able to express themselves, to the point of accepting by default that it is the opinions of that other person that count.

Of course, none of the above makes it easy for us when it comes to establishing strong and stable emotional ties. The existence of this type of tension makes it necessary to bet on communicate better in the relationship.

• Related article: "The power struggle in couple relationships"

What to do to communicate better in a relationship

These tips on how to communicate better in a relationship give a general idea of ​​what a healthy dialogue dynamic should look like in everyday life together.

1. Avoid heated arguments

The first step is easy, and while it doesn't get ideas flowing from one person to another, it helps prevent the communication problem from getting bigger

. Basically, it consists of starting by avoiding trying to argue or dialogue if we are already in a very upset emotional state and we have not yet gone through the steps that we will see below.

In this way, we will be helping to reduce the chances of engaging in highly unproductive verbal fights. When emotions totally control us and we adopt an antagonistic attitude, the result will hardly be positive.

• You may be interested in: "12 tips to better manage couple arguments"

2. organize your ideas

When you detect an aspect in which your ideas and those of your partner are not in tune or clash head-on (creating a clear opposition), spend some time think about what, exactly, is causing the disagreement or confusion.

Distinguish each of these ideas, interests, desires or beliefs and see how they differ from each other It will help you to order them in order of importance, prioritizing those that must be communicated with a greater emphasis. In this way, it will be easier to create a "speech" with a more coherent backbone and one that really reflects what we want to express.

3. Think about what your partner doesn't know

Many times we forget this point, and it is basic. Our partner is, by definition, another person, and therefore does not know the same as us. That's why you have to take into account these gaps in your level of knowledge and act accordingly; for example, stopping to better explain something necessary to understand the main message we want to convey.

4. Find the right context to communicate what is important

Care when choosing the context in which to communicate something must be directly proportional to the importance of what you want to say. If you think that the topic is a lot to talk about, it makes sense that you do not start that conversation at a time when the two of you are "passing through". If this happens by accident, it is better stop and agree on another time to talk, if possible.

On the other hand, to talk about intimacy issues it is good to choose secluded places. In this way, we will be removing potential communication obstacles based on a feeling of shame or worry about whether other people are judging you.

5. Speak mixing the abstract with the concrete

Another of the keys to better communicate with your partner is not to assume that as the other person you wants perfectly understands everything we feel even if we use a very abstract or ambiguous language to communicate it.

Thus, it is necessary to relate everything we say about our feelings with experiences of daily life, especially if they involve our partner.

6. Do not fear the clash of interests

In a relationship, it is normal to have some opposing interests. It is a consequence of forming a group (in this case, a very small one, of two). Individuals do not cease to exist by forming something greater than the sum of themselves, such as a love relationship. Denying that kind of tension will only make a problem chronic. which can bring many unpleasant surprises and disappointments.

7. Avoid competitive attitude

When it comes to communicating better with your partner, what it is about is looking for a better fit and consensus, not winning. That's why, monitor the way in which you are participating in the dialogue and, if you detect that you are entering a kind of contest to see who talks the longest or who yells the most, correct this. Failing to do so will increase the chances that your partner will also adopt that confrontational attitude.

8. Take time to recap

Every so often, when you notice that important ideas have come up in the conversation, recap what has been said by both you and your partner. This serves both to qualify ideas and to introduce a moment of "pause" and rest conducive to calm down in case there is a certain risk of anger, boredom or frustration, since it induces us to adopt a more distanced perspective of oneself.

9. Avoid falling into fallacies

Fallacies are argumentative "traps" that, on many occasions, are easy to detect as such. Therefore, avoid its use. Not only because they do not contribute anything or improve the quality of the dialogue, but because can be seen as disrespectful, a waste of time in exchange for trying to convince the other person in a sloppy way. Try to abide by the value of honesty both when presenting your ideas and when talking about your partner's ideas.

• Related article: "The 10 types of logical and argumentative fallacies"