Loneliness: helplessness or self-knowledge

The experience of loneliness weighs heavily on many people, especially the elderly, as it causes a feeling of abandonment and a lack of mental support. Those who live in solitude, especially if it is not by choice, are more likely to suffer from a series of mental disorders or to see those they already suffer from increased.

However, with a little awareness and personal effort loneliness can be transformed into a pleasant experience of personal development and self-knowledge.

• Related article: "Unwanted loneliness: what it is and how we can fight it"

The relationship between loneliness and the feeling of helplessness

As social beings that we human beings are, our natural tendency is not to be alone. The fact of needing continuous care and attention during our first years of life constitutes biological evidence of this natural tendency to socialize.

When we are alone, and that loneliness is not something voluntarily sought, the chances of suffering from depression increase, suicidal tendencies are higher, and it has even been scientifically proven that the incidence suffering from some type of heart disease is higher than that of those who have social support straight. It seems, therefore, that loneliness should be something to be avoided, and an aspect to be evaluated and solved by the various social and health services.

But the reality is different. The state, and the individual himself, have limited resources, and society is not always going to be willing to provide us with the company we need, or that we believe we need.

This can cause a strong feeling of helplessness, which can make us speculate about threats. future derivatives, for example, that we suffer an accident and that there is no one to help us in that moment. This distressing experience is the germ of anxiety problems, which feed on fear of possible future disasters.

• You may be interested in: "Emotional stagnation: when nothing seems to change"

Perceived social support

Various studies suggest that the feeling of loneliness that we have described is attenuated with social support, but not with real and objective social support, but with perceived social support. In other words, it doesn't matter if you have a social network for help or not, what matters is that you believe you have it and that there will be someone you can turn to in case of need.

For example, if I have an elderly neighbor who lives alone, it is not necessary for me to go every days to help him or to chat with him, but just to let him know that I am there by his side for whatever need. That he has my phone number and that he knows that he can call me to ask for my help may be enough to increase the perceived social assistance. And this, only this, can ease your sense of helplessness.

But what if I am the one who lives alone? How can I increase my perception of social support? It must be taken into account that not everywhere there are people willing to help. They may not be my family or my closest friends (who may not be as close as I think), but you can use associations created for this purpose, or to neighbors who are more cordial to me to request a way of help at the time of need.

Of course, this often requires placating personal pride, and have the necessary humility to create the personal willingness to request support. And this is where the process of personal development and self-realization begins, learning to recognize that, like other human beings, I also need or will need help at some point.

• Related article: "How to make friends and deepen your relationships, in 7 steps"

the ghosts of loneliness

In solitude one faces his own thoughts. You can turn to television, radio or the internet, but the lack of a direct relationship with someone ends up confronting us with ourselves. This involves becoming aware of our most recurring thoughts, our fears and uncertainties, and also our frustrated desires.

Often, it can be a flood of uncomfortable memories that transform a moment of calm and quiet into a nervous experience of restlessness. And all that is within us, and only we, with or without help, can transform it into a more pleasant personal experience.

Who is not able to be comfortable in solitude, does not just have a good social adjustment. Personal insecurities tend to trigger conflicts with other people who are the ones who normally show these insecurities with their behavior. And it is in solitude where we can become aware of all this, and make it stop being an element that makes of our loneliness an anguish, and of our relationships something that negatively conditions our sociability.

Transformative loneliness and personal development

In almost all cultures there have existed, and exist, rites of personal transformation that involve moments of solitude and isolation. In religions, for example, silence and closure have been promoted as a way to experience divinity and to transcend consciousness towards a state of greater attunement with the spiritual.

Doctrines as diverse as Christianity and Buddhism propose moments of isolation to improve the union of the human being with creation, with nature or with the universe. And this experience is a kind of "shock therapy" in which you learn to feel "part of the whole", previously going through an experience in which you "isolate yourself from everything".

Although our loneliness is not voluntary, but the result of our vital situation, we can turn it into a transforming experience that helps us feel in harmony with the world in which we live. It is not an easy challenge, much less exciting, for most people. In fact, it is a proposal that in psychological therapy not everyone accepts willingly, but every psychologist, in one way or another, raises in some moment to your clients to be alone to become aware of those aspects of their way of being that are uncomfortable or that condition their relationships social.

Conclusion

In short, the experience of loneliness can fluctuate from the most distressing helplessness to the most revitalizing tool of self-knowledge, even becoming a mystical experience in which one can find their place in the world, give meaning to their life and become more and more what he really wants to be, thus ceasing to be a mere spectator of a society in which he does not feel taste.