Interview with Mar Puigmartí, couples therapist

sex therapy It is a type of psychotherapy that promotes the sexual and affective well-being of people, and aims to help those individuals who experience difficulties in their intimate or love life as a result of a sexual disorder or that they do not feel comfortable with themselves in some aspect of their intimate life.

Scientific evidence shows that this form of therapy is very effective; however, many people find it difficult to talk about their sexual problems, largely because they feel like a failure, ashamed, and even guilty.

• Related article: “Sex therapy: what it is and what are its benefits”

Interview with the psychologist and psychotherapist Mar Puigmartí

Today we wanted to talk to Mar Puigmartí, a psychologist and psychotherapist specializing in sexual and couples therapy so that she can tell us what it is exactly sexual therapy and it helps us understand why we should not resist going to it because we have fears and false beliefs.

Mar offers psychological therapy in Institute of Psychological and Psychiatric Assistance Mensalus

, one of the most prestigious psychology and psychotherapy clinics in Spain.

Good morning Mar, tell us, why is it so difficult for us to talk about sexuality openly?

Although we have been advancing in the field of sexuality, still today numerous fears, myths, restrictions and taboos are still present around it that prevent us from living it freely. Society continually overwhelms us with dubious information, full of prejudices and gender stereotypes which leads us to internalize and accept messages that, if we do not question them, will end up making it difficult for us to experience sexuality, and therefore talk about it.

It is important to know that it is part of us from the moment we are born until we die, playing an essential role in our development and growth throughout our lives. Offering a quality affective and sexual education would promote a greater and broad knowledge about sexuality, allowing us to live it in a a more positive and healthy way, and conceiving it as a source of pleasure and satisfaction, as well as communication and expression of affection. Understanding sexuality in this way would make it easier to talk about it openly and naturally.

What are the main problems that men and women present in terms of their sexual life?

The most frequent sexual problems are known as sexual dysfunctions. In the case of men, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and lack of desire are the most common dysfunctions. In women, the most common are anorgasmiathe lack of desire vaginismus and dyspareunia. However, it is not uncommon to find ourselves with problems of dissatisfaction, difficulties in sexual communication, cases of hypersexuality or addiction to sex, paraphilias, phobia or aversion to sex etc.

All of them, in addition to affecting the person's quality of life, usually interfere with their relationship with their partner, if there is one.

Is it always necessary to have a problem to go to sex therapy or is it possible to do it for other reasons (for example, to vary and enrich the couple's erotic repertoire)?

It is not necessary to have a problem to go to sex therapy since other issues can be worked on. For example, there are many people who come because they want to enhance their sexual possibilities: acquire resources to get out of monotony and enrich their sexual repertoire, develop skills to reinforce sensuality and eroticism, increase sexual self-esteem... In this type of therapy, the sexual and affective well-being of women is promoted. people.

What do you think is the biggest impediment when going to sex therapy?

Preset ideas and false beliefs regarding sex make it difficult to ask for professional help since it is a very intimate aspect that is sometimes difficult to share. Those who suffer from this type of problem tend to experience it in a silent and hidden way, trying to deny and hide their difficulties and often avoiding having sexual relations. They generally verbalize feeling shame, guilt and frustration, and all of this ends up generating discomfort and suffering in the person.

However, there is no need to be embarrassed or paralyzed when a problem of this type arises. Sex therapy is very effective and the help of a professional to work on the difficulties that arise in this area is very positive for living a satisfactory sexuality.

So, if for many people sexuality is a very intimate subject and sometimes difficult to talk about, how do you overcome this obstacle in your sessions with patients?

It is important to create from the beginning a close, safe environment free of judgments about your thoughts, feelings, emotions, tastes, fantasies... It is essential that patients can express themselves without fear, from the freedom and the respect. In this way, we will be able to accompany them in this process so that they understand what is happening, help them to solve doubts, gain confidence and security, and motivate them to make the changes that are necessary for their welfare.

What are the benefits of not having taboos when it comes to sexual relations with a partner?

Not having taboos allows you to talk openly about sex with your partner, so that sexual communication is more fluid and that both members can express their desires, their preferences and their sexual tastes with tranquillity. All this reinforces the complicity in the couple, in addition to growing erotically and increasing sexual satisfaction.

Likewise, if at any time sexual difficulties arise, they will live with less anxiety since it will be much easier to talk about it, feel understood and seek solutions together.

What benefits does sex therapy bring to patients?

Sex therapy helps the person or couple with their sexual and affective difficulties, providing resources and tools to be able to experience sexuality in a pleasant way.

This type of therapy brings many benefits to patients: having a space where they can talk about sexuality, solving sexual difficulties that they may present, acquiring new techniques to enjoy their intimate relationships, obtain greater sexual self-knowledge, increase self-esteem, enhance erotic creativity, acquire communication skills with the couple... In short, being protagonists of their sexuality.

More and more people are using online therapy. Do you think it is effective for this type of problem?

Thanks to new technologies, online therapy has become more present in the field of psychotherapy since it is proven that it provides many benefits. Going to a sex therapist is not easy for everyone since, dealing with such a personal and delicate aspect in people's lives, it costs more to ask for help.

Online sex therapy has become a very effective alternative to treat this type of difficulties as it makes it easier to request professional help in a discreet and anonymous way without having to commute. Thus, through the screen, people can feel more comfortable and can express what causes them concern or suffering in order to receive the appropriate treatment and overcome their difficulties.

• Related article: “The 6 best online therapy clinics”

What advice would you give to the readers of Psicología y Mente so that they have a satisfying sexual life?

We must start by taking responsibility for our own pleasure. It is essential to review and question what model of sexuality we want to live in order to get rid of everything that keeps us from it. Knowing yourself, your own body, connecting with the here and now of pleasure and giving yourself permission to feel is key to enjoying satisfying sexuality. In addition, transmitting our desires and needs to the couple will strengthen trust and will allow us to enjoy a full sexual life as a couple.