Couple breakups: solve them to grow

Relationship breakups are one of the most intense and unpleasant situations in our lives, which cause psychological discomfort, anxiety, discouragement and even a feeling of lack of meaning or purpose. When we live that experience we feel like we are in limbo and we don't know how to move forward or separate ourselves from those feelings of discomfort. Why is it so intense? And above all... How could you manage it so that it does not condition your future?

Although we usually associate psychology with problems of anxiety, discouragement or clinical problems, in reality a break relationship is one of the most common reasons for requesting a psychological session and beginning a process of personal change. Anxiety, anguish or confusion do not come into our lives for free, but some event leads us to them. However, the problem is not in those sensations, but in how you manage them.

In this article we are going to delve into why breakups are so painful and intense, what are the psychological factors involved, and above all,

How can you learn to manage those sensations to experience a process of personal change? where your well-being depends mainly on you and your future relationships are not affected by this experience.

My name is Rubén Camacho, psychologist and coach of Human Empowerment, and everything I am going to tell you in this article is based on my real experience accompanying people in their change processes. In these processes we have the evidence of Psychology, but also the pragmatism of coaching, so that you can achieve changes quickly, in a practical and stable way.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

Why breakups are so hard

Relationships are one of the most special experiences of our lives, but also one of the most difficult to manage. In a couple relationship we find a unique bond and a well-being that we yearn to feel and live... but that we cannot control. The well-being that we feel in a relationship is uncontrollable because it does not depend on your decisions, but on an endless number of factors outside of you. Hence, in relationships arises a kind of fight of egos with time, which leads us to develop fear, insecurity, or depending on the conflicts that arise, jealousy, anger or anxiety.

When we experience a breakup, we feel that we have lost control of our well-being, fear invades us and an anxious picture develops. Anxiety is a fear that has become generalized, like a constant state of alert. Anxiety, in turn, is totally related to your way of breathing.

An anxious breath is rapid, shallow, in such a way that the diaphragm frequently impacts the pit of the stomach (hence that unpleasant feeling in the chest). The rest of the symptoms are a consequence: problems eating, lack of appetite, heartburn, difficulty falling asleep sleep, intrusive thoughts (constantly thinking about the other person, seeking contact, inquiring on social networks), etc

A break will always be an unpleasant experience, which mobilizes us and changes our routines. If we do not know how to manage the situation, it leaves us harmful lessons for the future (distrust, lack of motivation in relationships of any kind, or, on the contrary, living with the need to have a partner for fear of loneliness).

However, If you learn to manage this situation, that learning will be the opposite: will help you build well-being and generate more positive relationships in the future. Let's go for the four keys to achieve it.

• You may be interested in: "Couple problems: what causes them, and how they are treated in psychology"

The changes needed to overcome the breakup in a positive way

The unpleasant sensations of breakups are natural and can also be useful, since they help us to get to know each other, to overcome difficulties that we find in the relationship, and that everything is through your own personal change (which will positively influence the rest of the plots of your life).

To better manage this situation and make it valuable learning for the future, we need to face four lessons.

First: Respiratory Mechanics

Apparently, it is the breakup that causes anxiety, but in reality it is the way you breathe. A rapid and superficial breathing will affect you in a psychological, emotional and organic sense (harming your health). In this sense, it is essential to learn to breathe completely, in such a way that you can reduce the intensity of anxiety. This will allow you to gain peace of mind, be able to rest better and focus on the change you need. It is an essential step and the first, and unfortunately it is forgotten (the increase in the consumption of anxiolytics distances us from these valuable lessons).

Learning to breathe will focus on your well-being, will reduce the consequences and symptoms of anxiety, and will allow you to build well-being. Any process or change that we try to achieve without working with this part will remain incomplete (which causes problems to return over time).

• Related article: "The 4 types of breathing (and how to learn them in meditation)"

Second: learn to understand and manage your emotions

In a breakup we feel emotions, which condition your day to day, your decisions and thoughts. But the problem is not in those emotions, but in how are you managing them. Learning to manage them will allow you to get to know yourself and make you generate more acceptance, security and trust.

Third: build self-esteem

Self-esteem is not high or low, but it works for you or not. Your self-esteem works when your well-being depends mainly on you, on your actions, on your decisions, on your routine. and your day to day. It is common that in the face of problems when it comes to focusing on relationships, we forget to build that well-being and we give in too much to the relationship. As paradoxical as it may seem, giving so much importance to the relationship is deteriorating more and more. Learning to build self-esteem implies that your well-being depends on you. We achieve this with a concrete action plan that will lead you to that change safely.

Lastly: deepen your approach and vision on relationships

When breakups are so painful it's the focus that was failing. If your well-being, security and stability depended on a relationship, it is common to feel anxiety and insecurity (since we cannot control what happens in that relationship). Changing your vision of relationships is what will help you build them in a positive way.

• You may be interested in: "Self-knowledge: definition and 8 tips to improve it"

Conclusion

In a state of rupture we feel that there is no way out. However, that exit is in your own change, just in the great possibility that we do not see. With a process of change with expert company, you learn to see that part of you that was somewhat asleep and that needs to wake up to live with well-being, both with you and with your relationships (as a couple or No).

I send you much encouragement, and remember that in Human Empowerment You can schedule a first session with me to solve this problem.

In this session, which you can have from home and with free schedules, we get to know each other, we explore the problem, We find a solution that helps you in a stable way and we see how I can accompany you to achieve it at the 100%. Your well-being depends on you, and it depends on me to accompany you every day, in a committed way, so that you achieve changes as soon as possible and recover the illusion.