How to know if I have an obsession with someone: 4 warning signs

Affective relationships are based on the fact of caring for another personSo feeling that we like someone so much that our attention tends to focus on them is natural.

However, sometimes that attraction goes beyond what can be considered positive for mental health. For this reason, many people ask... How do I know if I have an obsession with someone?

Let's see what are the signs or symptoms that an unhealthy emotional bond is developing that makes us dependent on the attention and affection of another person.

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How to know if you have an obsession with someone

Obsession with a person manifests itself in many different ways, all of which are associated with cognitive (distorted thoughts and beliefs) and emotional symptoms. Let's see what those typical symptoms are that arise on these occasions.

1. everything reminds you of her

When falling in love, it is normal for many of the things we see to remind us of the person we love, but in cases where someone is obsessed with In another person, these associations between the stimulus and the memory (usually images of the person we are attracted to) are more bizarre.

Because of this ease when it comes to establishing relationships between what we see and the image of the other person, practically everything reminds us of her, which makes our day to day revolve around it.

2. The desire to always be close to her arises

Whoever is obsessed with another person does not necessarily seek to attract their attention, since this depends a lot on the type of personality they have and the level of self-esteem that is available (someone who does not value himself, will possibly be afraid of exposing his imperfections to that subject for whom he feels attraction).

However, what often happens is that an intense desire to be near her appears, sometimes even if you are not aware of it. This last situation can cause the intimacy of the person who generates attraction to be compromised, by having someone that closely follows it both physically and virtually, through new technologies and specifically through Internet.

In the most extreme cases in which there is harassment, it may even be that the person being followed considers himself in danger when perceiving that there is someone who meddles too much in her life or that she may even receive attacks physical; Regardless of whether this occurs or not, it is a drain on their quality of life that generates suffering from the outset.

3. Frustration

Normally, whoever is obsessed with a person suffers because their expectations of being with that subject are not met by reality. This is because in most cases someone who has entered into that emotional dynamic demands a degree of involvement in the relationship that few people are willing to offer. Even in love relationships.

This makes you feel a certain level of anguish, not in case the other person will agree to relate more with her in the future, but because of the present situation, which is perceived as a stage of stagnation. On the one hand, all that matters is being with that person; on the other, that "project" does not progress much.

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4. moments to fantasize

As we have seen, obsession often leads to frustration. As a consequence, it is very common to fantasize about an alternate reality in which everything is much better and the relationship progresses.

These fantasies are recurring and do not arise just before falling asleep, but in many moments of free time in which there is not much to do.

To do?

So far we have seen the symptoms that indicate that you may have an obsession with another person, but... what can be done about it? How to deal with this psychological phenomenon?

The first thing to keep in mind is that the decisions of the other person always prevail over your life, and therefore we cannot treat it as if it were someone without the ability to manage their own day to day. day. If you have chosen not to get involved in a relationship as we would like, you have to accept it, and if that causes us a lot of discomfort, it is best to cut contact completely.

On the other hand, in cases in which having some contact with the person for whom we feel obsessed is not a problem, it is necessary to know that a good part of these cases of obsession They are usually due to an excess of idealization.

Analyzing the imperfections that she presents (or that we could interpret as such in anyone else) is useful, but, of course, one must not offend her by confronting her with these facts.

Bibliographic references:

• Fehr, B., Russell, J. (1991). The Concept of Love Viewed From a Prototype Perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
• Lewis, Thomas; Amini, F., & Lannon, R. (2000). A General Theory of Love. Random House.