What causes lead men to endure abuse?

We understand abuse against men to be any form of violence, whether physical or psychological, that directly affects the integrity of the man and causes some material, physical or moral damage to his life. This implies the performance of deliberate actions aimed at harming a man's physical or mental health.

It is generally understood that women are statistically more susceptible to abuse by their partners at some point in their lives; The cases in which it is the man who suffers abuse are less well known. However, unfortunately, this type of violent dynamics directed towards men is far from being a rarity, as we will see. What happens is that this social problem is less visible, even giving rise to the idea that it is unreasonable to imagine that a man can be subjected to a process of continuous abuse within relationships of couple.

Abuse against men in the domestic sphere is usually exercised mainly by their partners regardless of their economic, social, ethnic condition or their sexual orientation, although it can also be given by a relative nearby.

However, beyond the quantitative, the abuse suffered by men presents certain qualitative differences regarding the mistreatment of women. Among them, the phenomenon that many men remain in harmful relationships in which they are being mistreated not because are afraid of physical attacks or do not know how to physically separate from those who attack them, but because of other phenomena linked to the gender. So, let's see what causes many men to endure abuse.

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Types of abuse against men

According to a survey carried out in England and Wales in 2017, 6.7 million people have suffered domestic violence throughout their lives in that country and 15% of men between the ages of 16 and 59 are men.

As with abuse against women, there are many forms of abuse against men, various forms of violence that are progressively undermining the physical and mental health of the victim.

These are the main types of violence against men that psychologists, sociologists and health professionals have studied; dynamics of violence that can occur separately or in an interrelated manner, and that women can also experience.

1. Physical or psychological abuse

Physical and psychological abuse is the most common form of domestic abuse, and in England 14% of men in the country have suffered from it since they were 16 years old, while more than 700,000 men between the ages of 16 and 59 admit to having suffered from it at least once in the last year.

Physical abuse is the most obvious and the one that can be detected most quickly due to the physical marks it leaves; however, psychological abuse can cause more damage to the person and last longer as long as it is not detected.

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2. domestic harassment

Domestic harassment can be perpetuated by the victim's partner or by a member of her family and consists of systematically receiving threatening emails or text messages, calls, or unpleasant treatment at home.

This face-to-face treatment can consist of disrespect, serious threats or attempted aggression, which generates discomfort, fear and suffering in the victim. This type of abuse has been experienced by 0.7 men in England and Wales in the last year according to the 2017 survey.

3. digital abuse

The Anglo-Saxon term "Digital Dating Abuse" refers to any form of violence exerted between members of a couple in the online environment, that is, from instant messaging, social networks or any other platform Internet.

According to recent research, about 28% of US children between the ages of 12 and 17 have experienced this type of digital abuse in the last year by their partners and among men it is more frequent than among women, and the incidence in the former rises up to 32%.

Some of the ways in which digital abuse manifests itself can be digital harassment or cyberbullying and this phenomenon is strongly related to the appearance of real physical abuse outside of social networks.

4. vicarious violence

Vicarious violence is that which is exercised not against the person, but against their loved ones, especially their sons or daughters.

This type of violence is also exerted to a large extent against men, and currently there are still no conclusive data on its incidence in the male gender.

• Related article: "What is vicarious violence? Causes and symptoms"

What predisposes men to endure abuse without cutting the relationship?

These are the main causes that lead many men to stay in toxic relationships and endure abuse for weeks, months, or even years.

1. The stigma of expressing emotions

The concept of masculinity is linked to the idea that expressing how we feel is morally reprehensible if we are men.. This is not in itself a cause of mistreatment and, of course, it does not justify it, but it makes men feel more helpless when it comes to reacting when they are being mistreated; For example, many times they do not even consider saying that certain patterns of behavior that constitute psychological abuse they make them feel bad, so the other person has no reason to reflect on their actions and regret their actions. they.

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2. The fear of appearing weak

The belief that men are stronger and the stigma associated with suffering violence as a man make it more difficult for victims to report the abuse they suffer, for fear of what their environment will say and because of the shame that being a victim of said attacks can cause them "without having the resources" to protect themselves from them.

3. The lack of references

Finally, the lack of male references among known people who break up toxic relationships of this type makes many men feel very clueless and don't know what to do when they suffer abuse in a relationship.

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