What is it like to have clinical depression?

Depression is a serious problem, and despite the great strides that have been made, there is still a strong stigma attached to those with the disorder.

Beliefs such as that they are just sad, or that they are like this because they want to become comments that patients with depression have to listen to day in and day out. People who have never experienced this don't know what it's like to have clinical depression.He doesn't even give it due importance.

Next we will try to put ourselves in the shoes of a person with depression, going through each of the moments that he has to endure in his daily life, the comments of his closest environment close and situations that sink it more, in addition to describing, in broad strokes, what depression consists of clinic.

• Related article: "Major Depression: Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment"

What is it like to have clinical depression?

You wake up, but you are not able to move. Perhaps you were awake before the alarm went off, perhaps it was the 'pi-pi' that woke you up. Be that as it may, you are not able to get up. It is not laziness, nor is it from having woken up too soon. The problem is that

we do not want to start a new day again, a day that we will see as wasted when the sun goes down. There is no energy for it. All you want is for the day, which has just begun, to end, to go back to sleep.

You've been waiting a long time for this to happen. You wish it was just something seasonal, a bad time. You think that time heals everything, but the longer it seems, the less convinced you are of it.

You manage to stand up. You start, but at forced marches. You have to go to class or to work, but because they are obligations. You don't feel like it at all. Your family, roommates or partner force you out of bed. They tell you that you should put on a better face, that it's not such a big deal, that maybe you make a mountain out of a molehill. It seems that there is no one who is able to understand you, and that does not help.

Other times, it is you who makes sure that others do not understand it, because you do not express it directly. You think: what's the point? Why waste energy over and over again explaining something that you think they won't understand? In the eyes of others it is that you are just a little down, at most something sad because of something bad that has happened to you.

You are afraid that, when you explain it, they will think that you are crazy, broken, that you are not going to recover. You think that being like this is only for the mentally ill, people who you think are no longer like people, people who cannot prosper. That is why you hide your feelings, your worries and your tremendous suffering under the facade of a smile.

beyond sadness

In popular culture, depression is synonymous with sadness. as children We learn that laughing is synonymous with happiness, and that crying is synonymous with sadness.. So, based on these ideas, we hide in a forced smile. People do not pay enough attention to the nuances, to the laughter that, behind it, hides a deep discomfort. If we don't cry, if we don't look worried, then we're not depressed. That's how simple people think.

We may say that we are depressed, we express our discomfort. But, in the worst cases, people are not capable of putting themselves in our shoes. If we are not crying all the time we cannot be depressed, and if we cry, then we are dramas. Depressed men, weak, depressed women, some exaggerated.

But is that in most cases there is a lack of energy even to cry. We think that it is useless, not even to vent. In our childhood, crying, although things were not solved, it did satisfy us later. We released sadness, anger, rage, tension. Now, we have to force ourselves to even shed a tear, leaving ourselves halfway. We stayed in the middle, making our situation worse.

This difference between one's propensity to smile and laugh on the part of others and on one's own makes many depressed people feel even worse, because of that emotional gap that forms and separates them from the rest of the society. This situation makes it even more difficult to have incentives to socialize and, by extension, to expose themselves to stimulating situations.

The melancholy

We are a shadow of what we were. Our day to day characterized by our absence. We may be physically in front of our friends, talking, or next to our partner in bed, but our minds are far away. We think of other things, and they are not good: will I get out of this? Why am I doing everything wrong? am i a failure how should i kill myself

You look at old happy photos. When you went to the gym, when you met to go to a party, when you went to class and you had your group of friends… In the photos you see yourself smiling, and you remember how you felt back then. Maybe one day you were sad, but others you were happy too.

You were a normal person who, perhaps, complained about some things. The normal. Something bothered you, like everyone else. You were happy without knowing it, like everyone else. The person in the photos and the one you now see in the mirrorAlthough the body and its memories are the same, they seem to be two totally different individuals.

Personal relationships get complicated

Those who do not understand you enjoy making hurtful comments, taking advantage of your total inability to be and feel as normal as others. They say: "you are like this because you want to". They tell you this, but you don't have the strength to answer them, in a well-argued way, how wrong they are. You also don't have the strength to ignore them. If they felt the same way you feel... if it cost them as much as you do to see the light at the end of the tunnel...

When you get home you remember these malicious comments, which are repeated over and over again in your head. They make you spend long hours thinking about how to tell them how things are, that this is not a decision.

Depression is unlike any other experience that can be experienced by those without a psychological disorder. diagnosable, and this contributes to the fact that depressed people also have to face the fact that others do not understand.

The mismanagement of emotions

You can't decide one day to stop being depressed, I wish! You ruminate all day on arguments that you would say to convince him and seek a bit of his empathy, instead of simply ignoring them and letting the day flow in a healthier way.

Instead, you start hurting yourself, physically. You clench your fists and hit the back of your head, or you grab a box cutter and start cutting yourself. You don't know exactly why you do this: Are you punishing yourself for not knowing how to face the problem or is it that what makes you feel this way lives in you, possesses you and you want it to go away?

Be that as it may, this rush of energy, which instead of using it in something beneficial, you have used it to make yourself damage, it goes down, and the lack of desire to do anything returns, the inability to feel pleasure from the things of the life. You go to the mirror and think, why have I done this to myself? You convince yourself that they are right, that you are the problem and that you do not want to stop hitting rock bottom. These ideas become a dangerous vicious circle.

• You may be interested in: "The 6 types of mood disorders"

depression is serious

All of this described here serves to understand what it is like to have clinical depression. It is the daily life of thousands of people around the world who, for whatever reason, have not received the appropriate treatment.. Family support can help, or it can sink us even more. The days begin as they end: wanting to go back to sleep and not wake up.

Despite the great advances that have been made to destigmatize people with mental disorders, there are many who confront the ignorance of the people, who, mixing as ingredients the myths and the lack of empathy, they blame them or belittle their state of mind. They believe that it is simply having a bad time, that there are no reasons to give it more importance and that if it does not improve, it is because you do not want it.

To make this clear, depression is a mental disorder and as such should be treated like the disabling and detrimental condition that it is. Depression, as a mental disorder, is as serious as medical conditions, such as cancer, and disabilities such as quadriplegia or intellectual diversity. The patient cannot enjoy a full life, nor interact with others or go to his job.

The sadness, hopelessness and general malaise become so serious that they affect not only the psychological integrity of the person, but also to his physical health. You notice body aches, dizziness, nausea, loss of strength... How can you not take it as something serious?

In addition, the person may experience changes in their sleeping patterns and eating behavior. He may sleep less, waking up too early but being unable to get back to sleep, or he may sleep more, getting right to twelve straight hours of sleep. Regarding food, you can completely lose your appetite, which will cause you to lose weight and become malnourished or, if On the contrary, binge eating, with its consequent weight gain and body dissatisfaction, worsening the course of the depression.

Pleasure is lost for things that were previously enjoyed. It can be about banal things, like listening to music, playing video games or going for a walk, or more complex things, like studying, participating in sports tournaments, restoring a car... The person no longer feels pleasure for things that were previously a source of joy, that kept him alive.

Studying and going to work become titanic tasks, because the person loses concentration very easily. You can't study because you don't understand what you're reading, and at work you may be more prone to mistakes and accidents. You lose the thread of conversations, which can seriously harm your social sphere, making the person you were talking to think that you simply do not want to listen.

His self-esteem is at a minimum.. You cannot look in the mirror and think that you are a failure as a person. He doesn't think he's going to get better, he doesn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. This is one of the main reasons why depressed people end up committing suicide, believing that no matter how hard they try, they will never feel well again. He believes that he has reached the bottom, that he is not going to go down anymore because there is no more below, but it is impossible for him to rise to the surface. He only sees the bad, being a victim of the negativity bias with himself.

Bibliographic references:

• American Psychiatric Association (APA). (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.
• Belloch, A.; Sandin, b. and Ramos, F. (2010). Manual of Psychopathology. Volume I and II. Madrid: McGraw-Hill.
• National Collaborating Center for Mental Health. depression. (2009). The treatment and management of depression in adults (updated edition). National Clinical Practice Guideline Number 90. London: British Psychological Society and Royal College of Psychiatrists.
• Perestelo Perez, L.; González Lorenzo, M.; Rivero Santana, A.J.; Perez Ramos, J. (2007). Decision support tools for patients with depression. Quality Plan for the SNS of the MSPS. SESCS; 2010. STD reports.
• Smith, M., Robinson, L., & Segal, J., (2019). Coping with depression. United States: HelpGuide.org. Taken from: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/coping-with-depression.htm