What is the cost of being too perfectionist?
Parents, teachers and acquaintances teach children from a very young age to be the best in the class, to do the perfect things o Having high standards is a characteristic valued positively by our society and this allows us to achieve the success.
However, many times perfectionism brings with it more costs than benefits in mental health; some examples are high levels of anxiety and depression, psychological rigidity, decreased performance in some activities, low tolerance for frustration, constant self-criticism, among others.
How do I know if I'm a perfectionist?
Sometimes it is difficult to know if we are perfectionists or not, which is why below you will find a list with the most essential characteristics of perfectionism.
- Worrying excessively about not making a mistake and investing too much time in repetitively checking that the tasks are perfect.
- Setting very high personal standards (high demand) and having the belief that “I must be perfect”.
- Constantly criticize yourself when you make a mistake, example: "I'm useless for not doing things right."
- Difficulty delegating tasks for fear that people will not perform the task as well as I do.
- Need to be in control of all things, choosing situations where everything is predictable and controlled to spontaneous and unpredictable.
- Dichotomous thinking, that is, things should be black or white, but not gray.
After having read these characteristics, I invite you to consider if you feel identified with any of them, this will help you discover if you are a perfectionist according to the number of behaviors with which you feel identified.
- Related article: "The 3 Types of Perfectionism"
The cost of perfectionism
Being a perfectionist becomes a problem when it interferes negatively in our daily lives, causing difficulties in the different areas of our life such as academics, work, affective relationships and interpersonal. Below you will find the costs it has in the different areas:
1. Academic and work environment
In the workplace and academic field, it is very reinforcing to obtain social recognition from parents, bosses, teachers and colleagues when obtaining high grades or having an excellent job performance. However, when the person makes a great effort so that the papers, exams, and other activities of an academic or work nature are perfect and meet very high demanding standards, there is a decrease in the ability to enjoy study or work.
On the other hand, constantly checking that no mistake is made influences more time to be invested in tasks, even if they are simple. In the same way, excessive concern about making things perfect can paradoxically affect performance and end up giving rise to more errors in said activities, finally, it affects teamwork by wanting others to have the same standards and do things "perfectly".
2. Affective, social and family relationships
Relationships with our partner, family and friends are very important for our personal well-being.; Despite this, these are negatively affected and can even end due to perfectionism. When one establishes high standards, these end up extending to the people closest to us, demanding the same result, which causes low self-esteem in them.
For example: parents who require their children to get the highest grade in all subjects, additionally generate our loved ones troubled with anxiety because they may perceive that you are not following through on our expectations.
Another important aspect is the constant arguments and disagreements when others do not do things the way we do, This makes them consider us an unreasonable person, apart from feeling hurt because of the constant criticism, which generates a distance from these people. Finally, perfectionists have difficulty with social anxiety, as they have an intense fear of committing some error in social situations, which causes them to move away from social activities to avoid discomfort emotional.
3. Rest and leisure time
Many times perfectionism gets in the way of enjoying things; Some people, when doing sports, taking music courses or doing leisure activities, stop enjoying it because of their insatiable search for perfection. This causes more time and resources to be invested in achieving those standards..
For example, taking several classes a week to play an instrument perfectly at night and getting up earlier the next day to be able to practice what you have learned, obtaining a different result than what is expected when performing an activity to reduce stress and fatigue, such as greater exhaustion and increased levels of stress.
4. psychological functioning
Depression is characterized by having deep feelings of sadness and loss of interest in activities that previously generated pleasure. Different investigations have shown that perfectionism is closely related to depression, since perfectionist beliefs and behaviors influence the maintenance of this disease, since who, by not complying with these standards, begin to have feelings of uselessness, sadness and/or despair.
Additionally, his inflexible belief about "how things should be" increases feelings of anger, frustration and irritability, for not achieving reach this standard, apart from this, anxiety is also very frequent in perfectionist people, research has shown that the Social anxiety is related to these people, since they constantly worry about not making mistakes so as not to expose themselves to criticism from others. the rest.
But social anxiety is not the only type of anxiety that someone who has these types of beliefs can present; also can develop generalized anxiety, which is characterized by presenting excessive concern for multiple reasons (work, family, study, relationships, finances) for a period of time long for several days and on many occasions due to minor situations, due to concern for not having reached said standard.
Finally, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is also present in some perfectionist people, having thoughts obsessive about not making mistakes and some repetitive behaviors, an example is reviewing a work task many times to make sure that no mistake was made, this compulsive behavior is emitted to reduce the level of anxiety caused by the obsessive thought.
Guidelines for its improvement
These are several Tips to keep in mind to face the advantages of perfectionism.
- Evaluate if your perfectionism is dysfunctional and causes you multiple problems in different areas of your life.
- Make a self-registration identifying in which specific situation your perfectionist thoughts occur, what thought comes to your head, emotion you present, and what you do at the moment.
- Identify which people you are more perfectionist with and in which situations of your daily life.
- Ask yourself if your standard is useful or useless, also identify the consequences that perfectionism has brought in different areas of your life.
- Evaluate how rigid your beliefs are and gradually try to make them more flexible, remember that the less rigid you are with yourself and your beliefs, the easier it will be for you to get out of this situation.
- Measure your progress and successes throughout the process, at the beginning it will be difficult; however, in the end it will be worth it and you will have a better quality of life
- Make a list of pros and cons of relaxing your standards.
- Give yourself “attainable” goals in the different areas where perfectionism is very present.
Would you like to receive the accompaniment of a specialized professional?
If you feel that your anxiety levels are high because of your perfectionism and that you cannot find a way out of this difficult situation, contact me; together we will get ahead.
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