Fear of being alone: ​​how to detect it and how to fight it

The fear of being alone is a surprisingly common psychological phenomenon.. Even for people who seem to have a lot of friends and are popular, this is a frequent cause for concern.

That is why if you have ever considered the idea of ​​"I am afraid of being alone even if I have people who love me", you should know that your case is not completely exceptional; many people feel much the same way.

In this case, we will see how to lose the fear of being alone and overcome this fear through new habits that we can gradually introduce into our daily lives.

• Related article: "The loneliness epidemic, and what we can do to combat it"

What is the fear of being alone?

Said in a summarized way, the fear of being alone is based on a series of negative thoughts about what could be your future, which is characterized by isolation and the lack of emotional connection with significant people for oneself.

Thus, people with this kind of fear become obsessed with the hypothesis that they are or could become totally helpless and without the ability to count on the company, affection and understanding of someone.

Signs that reveal this form of fear

Some of the warning signs that a person suffers from the fear of being alone are the following.

1. Need to seek human contact and tempt fate

People who fear the possibility of being alone they tend to try to be in as many social events as possible, although in reality they are not interested in what is offered in them beyond being in contact with other people.

The reason is that they try to meet new people, to see if someone arrives with whom they can connect (either as a couple or as friends).

2. They have a pragmatic view of relationships

Who does not want to be alone, mainly seeks to be with people who can spend next to many moments either by coincidence of interests or by the fact of having a personality similar. The idea is to go pragmatic and establish relationships that offer prospects of stability in the future, regardless of whether there is a genuine interest in that person beyond what she knows how to do and what she likes to do.

• You may be interested in: "This is the personality of those who love loneliness and are not afraid of being single"

3. Idea that family doesn't count

Many times, people who are afraid of being alone do not value the fact of having relatives who love them and are interested in their well-being.

This is so, normally, because they consider (wrongly) that these relatives are by their side without having chosen it, simply because the proper ties of the family have led them to love them in a practically unconditional.

As if everyone was free to do what they wanted except fathers, mothers, grandfathers and grandmothers, uncles and aunts, who are obliged to love those who share their blood.

4. External validation search

From what we have seen, in most cases, those who are afraid of being alone are afraid of being judged. negatively by others, which in turn means that many times in front of others he does not express himself as and how is. The latter, in turn, makes her feel more isolated. and with a greater need to establish meaningful relationships.

What to do to overcome it?

follow these tips to combat the fear of being alone and not let it determine the way you relate to others.

1. Choose quality and not quantity

Instead of constantly attending events that tell you nothing, start going to those that have something genuine to offer you. Stop worrying about your number of interactions with relatively unknown people will make your social life much more fluid and spontaneous.

2. Stop judging and judging yourself

There are many stigmas that greatly damage the quality of social relationships and keep us isolated from people who could be important in our lives, if we discovered them.

That's why, Do not be shy when making plans to those who really interest you, even if those links were outside the social circles in which you usually move, they could earn you criticism. The judgment of someone who doesn't think it's okay for you to go with your interests really shouldn't be relevant to you.

Also, to make this recommendation take effect you should be the first person to stop judging others for any excuse, as you will mature to the point where being criticized for certain things will seem ridiculous.

3. demystify rejection

Rejection is just that, the lack of interest in having a certain type of relationship with you.. It doesn't mean that the other person hates you, or that they don't care about you at all, or that there are reasons why they don't. their view of who you are is accurate or more relevant than other people who care about you a lot.

4. learn to love loneliness

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone, with no people around. These moments can be used in many ways, and we even have a greater ability to choose what to do, since we are not dependent on the intentions and preferences of another.

So spend that time reading, meditating, exercising, or any of the hundreds of activities whose benefits will extend beyond that time and place and will make you gain experience in something you love progress.

In short, to overcome the fear of being alone, it is useful both to love loneliness and to stop obsessing over not being alone.