How to respond to verbal aggression in 4 steps

It is true that human beings have a natural tendency towards cooperation, but it is also true that, at times, we can become very cruel to each other. The frequency with which verbal aggressions occur is an example of that. After all, as much as we must live in society to survive, that does not mean that we must always get along, in all contexts.

In this article we will see how to respond to verbal aggression, as well as emotion management strategies associated with this process.

• Related article: "The 11 types of violence (and the different kinds of aggression)"

How to react to verbal aggression?

Although we normally associate violence only with attacks directed against bodies or against property of people, we must not forget that as sentient beings that we are, words and symbols can also hurt. For this reason, verbal aggression is a reality, and you have to know how to position yourself before it.

Of course, one of the facets of responsible behavior in this regard is not to use these kinds of attacks against others, but it does not end there. ¿

How to respond to verbal aggression when it is directed towards oneself?

In a situation of open hostility in which we are attacked by verbal aggression, remember the following action guidelines to know not just how to act, but how to act. Below we will see the main guidelines to follow, assuming that verbal aggressions occur in a context in which that there is no risk of receiving physical or economic damage, in which case we would be talking about a much more serious form of domination.

1. Be clear about the objective

It is necessary to keep in mind from the beginning that what we aspire to is, fundamentally, protect our dignity and, secondly, prevent this kind of attack from happening again repeat. That means We do not seek revenge or humiliate the other, goals that are incompatible with the previous ones.

• Related article: "Verbal aggression: keys to understanding this violent attitude"

2. Take a distanced perspective

Faced with compromising situations like this, it is necessary to adopt a certain critical distance from what happens to us, so as not to get carried away. Part of successfully managing those moments when you are verbally attacked is simply not losing your temper and knowing how to control yourself.

In fact, sometimes the sole purpose of these attacks is based on the expected effect of making us nervous, to that we cannot think rationally, which creates an asymmetry in the power dynamics that is established in the dialogue. If we remain calm, we not only avoid this, but also we demonstrate our strength and self-confidence, something that makes us gain power both in the eyes of the aggressor and in the eyes of possible observers who are not directly involved in what is happening. There is no sign that the self-esteem is compromised, since this can give more reasons to continue acting in the same way.

3. Call attention to the offense

You can't act as if verbal aggression is normal, so the first thing is to point out the fact that the other person is already starting from a disadvantageous situation.

In these cases it is good not to focus on how the attack makes us feel, as this can encourage the other person. Instead of this, it is better talk about these attacks as an easy resource to which only those who are least capable of defending their positions in a coherent and well-founded manner resort. Everyone can use insults or personal allusions that only contribute to hinder the dialogue.

4. Deconstruct each other's attacks

Sometimes we forget that verbal aggressions are based on completely questionable actions and statements, and we simply focus on the discomfort they generate. But the truth is that through these attacks, the person issuing these aggressive messages is exposing himself, and runs the risk that what he does will turn against him. This is what you have to take advantage of. After all, on many occasions these attacks are a way of masking the poverty of the arguments used.

Thus, it is good that, at least initially, we act as if within these verbal aggressions there was a content that is worth taking seriously, so that a rigid and dogmatic attitude is not shown that is comparable to that of the other person. In this way, we can briefly explain the reasons why the attacks received are absurd and have no foundation.

Of course, it is essential that this step is always taken after the previous one, which consists of drawing attention to the degrading content of the other's messages.

5. show little patience

It is good to make it clear that our attitude is not the same as that of the attacker, but neither should we act as if the other person were siding with them to generate a useful dialogue. That is why do not have to create elaborate responses to each new attack by the other.

If a verbal aggression occurs for the second time, it is best to stop seeing this person as an interlocutor valid, and stop paying attention to what he has to say, briefly explaining our reasons for doing this. This is a step to take right after the verbal assault occurs, to emphasize the fact that this is unacceptable, and that is the reason why we stop talking to that person.