How to overcome dysfunctional fear: a process of vital change

Fear is probably the emotion that conditions us the most. and that it is behind many of our usual problems and limits.

We have very common fears of loneliness, losing, risking, not feeling loved, rejection or suffering. Fear is also behind feelings such as guilt, insecurity, anxiety, anguish or even anger. However, the problem is not fear... but your way of managing and understanding that fear.

Fear is a useful emotion that serves us mainly to survive. When speaking of "negative emotions", it really does not refer to the emotion itself but to the way to manage and understand that emotion. It serves to protect you and be clear about your limits, and it is even common to educate children using fear as a strategy so that they are safe.

The problem is when fear tries to protect us from a situation that is not really dangerous and is only limiting your life. If you live with that kind of fear, it is a dysfunctional fear.

• Related article: "The 8 types of emotions (classification and description)"

What is a dysfunctional fear?

When your way of understanding and managing your emotions leads you to dysfunctional fears (or anger, guilt, stress, anxiety, etc.), it means that these emotions are not helping you to grow, to know yourself better and to live with more well-being, but rather only they are limiting your life.

Dysfunctional fear is the basis of the vast majority of problems. Anger is a form of active fear (when you can't help what you're afraid of, you react with anger to try to be in control). Guilt is also a form of fear (since you fear the consequences on yourself or on your self-image). Suffering, anxiety or anguish They are also forms of fear (which create a more unpleasant physiological state... It is fear taken to a higher intensity).

How to overcome dysfunctional fear?

At certain moments in our life we ​​want to live a process of deep change because there are situations or experiences that are repeated and are usually unpleasant, as if we lived in a circle from which we cannot get out.

This can happen to us both in personal life (family, as a couple, in relation to self-esteem, etc.) as well as in the professional field (in relation to undertakings, projects, with the work team, etc.). Whatever the problem, dysfunctional fear is always behind those problems.

In the last 10 years I have accompanied people from several different countries as a psychologist and coach in very profound processes of change. Sooner or later, whatever the process, people had to face certain fears to overcome them. However, the key was not to overcome those fears as if they were enemies (since they are part of oneself), but to understand their emotions more deeply and know how to manage them in a more functional.

This is not something that can be achieved in a few days (with books, talks and other resources that are interesting but do not help to achieve real change by themselves). but in a series of weeks or a few months through a deep process, committed and with the company that allows you to broaden your point of view and better understand that fear so that your emotions are on your side instead of against you.

That's what a process of emotion management (also called "emotional intelligence") really consists of. It is not about following advice or tips, but about living a process of change where your emotions come to the fore and you know how to understand and manage them. Your fears, in reality, they are only giving you information about yourself, and when you understand it, everything that happens to you will change.

An emotional training process

I invite you to visit empowermenthumano.com, the online personal development school that I created to accompany people who want to live their change process with expert company and from home and with freedom of schedules. At school you find a free program called Thrill to take the first steps, and also a 3-month deep change program.

How does a change process work to overcome fear? This personal evolution follows these steps:

1- Learn to understand your emotions

This is how you find out how you manage them now: in this phase it is about get to know you better and answer key questions that help you to deepen your emotions

2. Design an action plan that helps you manage your emotions differently

This is reflected in changes in relation to what you do, interpret and feel. From this moment you discover the relationship between your emotions and your beliefs, your way of communicating, your personal relationships, your work or your self-esteem.

3. Manage relationships

Finally, you learn to manage your emotions more functionally so that fear is left far behind, and you internalize it in your life so that this change lasts forever.

In a few weeks the changes are already felt and after 3 months the fear is still there, but it no longer dominates your life. That's the key: don't fight your emotions, but understand them and have them on your side. Emotions are nothing more than your traveling companions and the fundamental energy on which your behavior is based.