Rebecca syndrome: symptoms, causes and treatment

Today it is not uncommon for the majority of the population to have had more than one sentimental partner, estimating an average of at least seven couples as not very sexual throughout the life.

In this context, then, it is usual that when most of the people get together, one or both members have had other romantic and loving experiences before.

In some cases, one of the members may fear losing out in comparison with other people who have passed through life. of the partner or partner of her, being able to appear a jealousy that can become pathological and seriously damage the health of the relationship. It is the Rebecca Syndrome.

• Related article: "Jealousy: the disorder of pathological jealousy"

What is Rebecca Syndrome?

The name Rebecca Syndrome is a condition or situation with pathological characteristics that is characterized by the existence of a high level of jealousy on the part of one of the members of the couple towards the previous sentimental or sexual partners of their spouse or current partner. This is a syndrome that enjoys some popularity and is based on retrospective jealousy (that is, jealousy directed towards a person or a type of relationship from the past), although it is not a disorder included in the main classification manuals diagnostics.

This situation is pathological when it becomes a recurring and obsessive theme without there being a real reason for the existence of jealousy, and can be traced back to the type of union or relationship that the partner of the person suffering from it had with an ex that they may never have met and who is not currently related or said relationship is not romantic.

Sometimes the Rebecca Syndrome can lead to the existence of persecutory behaviors towards the ex-partner or the attempt to control all the social interactions of the sentimental partner, being It is common for this to generate serious conflicts in the current relationship or imbalances in business relationships. can. It can also happen that the affected person tries to be extremely accommodating or superior to the ex-partner, exerting a kind of of unilateral competition that can also be aversive for the sentimental partner and seriously affect the self-esteem of both.

This condition is aggravated if the couple's previous relationship is seen or remembered (whether by the partner or by the environment) in an extremely positive way, such as someone virtuous, attractive, sensual, and passionate or intelligent, especially if those qualities are not appreciated by the person with the syndrome in their own person. The person of whom you are jealous does not have to be a recent couple, and can go back to the first love of the sentimental partner or even be a person who has already passed away.

The origin of its name

The name Rebeca Syndrome was coined by the writer Carmen Posadas in her book Rebecca syndrome: guide to conjure ghosts, which has recently been republished. The concept comes from the Hitchcock film based on the novel by Daphne du Maurier, Rebeca, in which a widower Mr. Winter is widowed by his first wife and at the same time marries a second, who must face the ghosts and memories of her ancestor (who shows up trying to get her widower to separate from her new partner) in an environment that she constantly reminds of she.

It must be taken into account that although the syndrome at the psychological level is usually defined as the pathological jealousy of a person towards the ex of his sentimental partner, in the publication by Carmen Posadas this syndrome would not be limited to this but also includes cases in which the same person seeks in a new partner a faithful reflection of a partner above (repeating the same relational pattern and looking for someone who may even be physically similar) or, on the contrary, looking for a type of partner that is totally opposite to those previous.

Causes

The causes of this specific syndrome are not particularly well known, being somewhat multicausal, although it is generally linked this type of jealousy with the presence of insecurity in the couple and low self-esteem and self-concept on the part of the affected person. The new partner may feel that the previous one is superior to him or her, wanting to compete and surpass his memory, or that you have never had the same type of relationship or experiences that you had before.

Likewise, it can also be fostered in relationships in which the partner or their environment often reminds them of the ex-partner in question, or even in those relationships in which a direct comparison between their relationships is actually exercised (being said comparison with the intention of doing harm or No). It can also be facilitated when the person discovers that they have exactly the same personality pattern and / or physique as the ex-partner, being able to feel like a substitute / a more than valued per se.

Finally, it can occur in couples in which one of its components has recently been widowed before joining his current partner, or has not overcome the loss and memories. Although the duel is normal, in some insecure people this can be seen as a reflection that they do not have such a deep love relationship with him or her affected.

Treatment

Coping with Rebecca Syndrome can be difficult and have serious repercussions for the health of the couple's relationship. In order to treat it, it may be necessary an intervention both at the couple and individual level in the case of the affected person.

In the first case, it is recommended to encourage communication regarding the current relationship, work on possible dissatisfactions that there may be in it and make both see and value the positive aspects of it and why they are together. It will also have to be assessed if we are dealing with a comparison made by the person with the Syndrome unilaterally or if it is your sentimental partner, the environment or your own ex-partner who actively generates (since it is also possible) the comparison.

It should also be taken into account not emphasizing characteristics of past relationships nor detail them to a great extent since it can facilitate comparisons, and especially if there are unsatisfactory aspects in the current one. It is not about denying previous relationships, simply not going into too much detail about them.

But without a doubt the most important thing will be the work at an individual level. It will be necessary to work on self-esteem and self-concept, what the partner means to the person with the syndrome and why they consider that they are jealous of their previous relationships. It is also necessary to talk about the consequences and difficulties that the situation of jealousy generates in the couple.

On the other hand the presence of controlling and persecutory attitudes can be assessed and worked on, in addition to restructuring the beliefs that the subject may have about himself, his partner and his ex-partners (especially if they are presented as idealized).