Why verbal abuse during childhood marks us

There are certain myths about childhood according to which what happens to us during the first years of life determines who we will be in our adulthood. For example, many people believe that the personality of parents "sticks" to their sons and daughters because of cohabitation, but the data shows that this does not happen.

However, it is true that in childhood there are experiences that leave a deep mark on people. Verbal abuse in childhood is one of those phenomena which, if repeated systematically for several weeks or months, can leave a deep mark on our identity.

But... how does this process by which some words change us occur? Next we will see what is the logic behind all this.

• Related article: "Verbal aggression: keys to understanding this violent attitude"

Verbal abuse during childhood: why it leaves its mark

There are many types of violence beyond physical violence. In part, the attacks have a psychological component that should not be overlooked. However, sometimes we forget that in the same way that any act of direct violence is an attack against the dignity of the victim, the same occurs with insults and expressions of disparagement.

If verbal aggression is used, it is precisely because it has an effect that goes beyond transmitting ideas.. It has an emotional impact. And the emotional impact that verbal abuse has on boys and girls is articulated through two differentiated processes. Let's see them.

• You may be interested in: "The 9 types of abuse and their characteristics"

The prioritization of the negative

As victims, we are especially sensitive to stimuli that can be interpreted as an attack. In general, we give more importance to the negative aspects of life than to the positive ones. For example, it has been seen that after a verbal attack has been made, the use of compliments made later does not serve to reverse the negative effects of the attack.

This makes sense from an evolutionary perspective. Since our survival comes first, in our nervous system prioritizes information regarding danger signs, or signs of a possible situation in which we are at a disadvantage. For this reason, it has been proven that insults have a much higher psychological impact than praise or compliments.

In the same way, our memory also more diligently stores information related to unpleasant or negative experiences. This allows us to take these facts into account so as not to repeat them and to look for signs of danger in the present based on these data.

Verbal abuse is so simple and so easy to carry out that once it has started to be used it is very easy to repeat it. This means that the boys and girls who are victims of it have, as first-hand information stored in your memory, many memories related to insults and similar elements.

The formation of identity

Childhood is a troubled time, even if it doesn't seem like it. The brain undergoes a great deal of modification in a short time, but there are also psychological changes, not only in the neurobiological layer.

In the first years of life, the self-image is formed, the concept of oneself that will influence the way in which we create expectations about our abilities, personality and possible achievements in life.

When verbal abuse is given, as we have seen, much of the information about oneself that at hand is emotionally linked to unpleasant, stressful or even moments filled with fear. It is not only that when we think about ourselves we think about the content of those insults, but also that the discomfort that we experience in those moments is evoked by memory, we experience it a second time (although usually in a somewhat less intense).

To put it in some way, childhood is that stage of life in which our ideas are more sensitive to the influence of the environment, and that is why something as disruptive and violent as verbal abuse penetrates deeply into our thoughts and, once it has affected the self-concept, it is very easy for this influence to remain and have repercussions on the self-esteem.

Thus, any sign that oneself may be someone undesirable is magnified and can obsess the child, and something similar can happen when they reach adulthood.

• You may be interested in: "Brain plasticity (or neuroplasticity): what is it?"

concluding

We should give more importance to experiences that, despite not involving physical violence, compromise the self-esteem and self-concept of young people. The brain is very sensitive to changes during the first stage of life., and that is why verbal abuse compromises its functioning when thinking about oneself.