My son does not want to go to school: what to do?

School is one of the main areas that contribute to our development and learning. Of course, going to school is something that some children live with enthusiasm and joy, while others find it tedious or distressing.

In fact, sometimes we can find children who for some reason refuse to go to the center and express a strong opposition to this idea. And this can be worrying, especially if the child in question is our child.

For this reason, many fathers and mothers consider... "What to do if my child does not want to go to school?" Let's discuss some ideas about it throughout this article.

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What to do when my child does not want to go to school?

"I don't want to go to school." It is probably something that many parents will have heard on more than one occasion regardless of the age of their offspring. But beyond the mere lack of desire to go to school and follow the classes and the normal operation of the center, this phrase can hide a large number of reasons.

All of them are important and it does not hurt to assess what can lead our son to say that, and put some kind of solution.

In this sense, it is first of all necessary to find out why in order to subsequently be able to act accordingly, and then begin to take effective measures.

1. Evaluate the why

Although there is great variability in what it means for children on a cognitive and emotional level to go to school, the truth is that an insistent refusal to go to school should first of all make us reflect on why.

In many cases it will be due to a lack of desire, preferring to have fun at home or playing, for fear of being separated from the parents, for living it as an obligation or due to lack of interest and motivation, but we can also be facing a school phobia, a resistance due to feelings of disability, the experience of stressful situations such as parental divorces, births or deaths or suffering from bullying school. It is even possible that he is physically unwell or is going through an illness (although be careful with possible pretenses).

Analyze the causes that lead to the minor refusing to go to school It can allow you to establish an appropriate strategy to motivate him to do it or to solve possible problems that he may be having. Among the different aspects that it is necessary to take into account for this, some of the main ones may be the following.

2. Maintain fluid communication with your child

One of the main foundations of any type of positive relationship is communication.

In paternal/maternal-subsidiary relationships this is especially important, so that the little one can express her feelings, fears and thoughts with confidence and without fear of telling what may be happening to him.

3. Take into account their motivations and difficulties

Sometimes the lack of desire to go to school is caused by the lack of motivation to do so, or the existence of problems when following the classes or understanding certain aspects of are.

This is why taking your child's interests into account and understanding what motivates them It can be useful to optimize her abilities and favor her development and willingness to learn.

Detecting possible difficulties is also a first step to establish some kind of guideline or help that we can give you. provide, such as helping him with her homework, explaining some concepts that he does not understand or even resorting to teachers individuals.

4. Check if there are noticeable differences in her attitude before and after school

Sometimes the existence of changes in behavior and moods between before and after going to the school may be indicating that something may have happened to him, even more so if he refuses to go to school school.

In this sense, it may be useful discuss it with him or her in an assertive and non-invasive way, so that the child can express himself freely.

• You may be interested in: "Assertive communication: how to express yourself clearly"

5. Have there been recent changes in the home or situation of the child?

Another element to take into account when trying to assess why our son does not want to go to school is the the fact that there may have been some important change or phenomenon that implies a considerable change for this.

For example, the death of a close relative can generate fear of losing another loved one or of dying, something that can make some children not want to be separated from their families or leave home for a long time time.

The same goes for divorces and a possible feeling of hurt or even the belief that the separation is your fault, or before the birth of a brother or sister, whether it is out of jealousy or out of wanting to protect them.

6. Discuss it with the center and teachers

Another element that may be important is maintaining fluid communication with the center, so that if something happens, said information can be shared.

This is useful both when it comes to informing yourself as the child's parent and in order to notify aspects that school professionals have overlooked. Also allows generating strategies to solve possible problems such as bullying or the presence of stressful experiences.

Likewise, it is also important to take into account aspects such as the notes or the child's agenda, which can give us clues to the presence of difficulties in one or various areas or problems in class, whether with students, teachers or subjects.

• Related article: "The 5 types of bullying or bullying"

7. Friends and other parents: other sources of information

Another possible source of information to which we can go to find out if the reason why our son does not want to go to the school is that something has happened to him or simply to obtain another point of view, it can happen through going to friends and other parents.

It is not about questioning them about our son, but they can often tell if something has happened in class that might be interesting. Now, we must bear in mind that we should first talk to our offspring, not just go to others.

How to react positively

So far we have visualized some elements or aspects to take into account when assessing what may be happening to our child. But Knowing what is happening without further ado is not going to help us much since at the end of the day we have to give some kind of response to this situation.

In this sense, some action guidelines that may be useful are the following.

1. Take an interest in the situation

While it may seem simple and is often not consciously considered, showing interest evidently for the minor because of what he does and because of his refusal to go to school, it can be very flattering. And it is that the fact of approaching his concerns is a sign of concern and support for it.

It is important to make this approach in a positive way, without overwhelming, violating or invading your privacy but by showing that we care.

2. Positive attitude towards school

Going to school is an activity that can be experienced in many ways, but it involves doing tasks that sometimes we don't like.

In this sense, it is essential model for the minor, showing a positive attitude toward school and academics.

Parents who show rejection or manifest displeasure towards the fact of studying, who indicate that studying is a loss of time or ridicule those who do will make it more likely that the school will be viewed negatively by their peers. children.

3. Support them in their tasks

The tasks that are carried out in school can sometimes be complicated, and some subjects can be a reason for anguish and discomfort for students if they are not able to understand them. In this sense it may be appropriate support them and help them with homework, something that also shows interest in him or her as a person and allows us to share time with our loved one.

Of course, we are talking about helping, not doing their homework or taking away responsibilities.

4. Promotes their self-esteem and sense of self-efficacy

Whatever the reason why our son does not want to go to school, trusting him and promoting his self-esteem and the thought that they are capable of doing it is very useful. In this sense, you have to show interest and support, make him see and reinforce his achievements unconditionally and maximize his potential.

Over-demands by the environment they will encourage the little one to feel that everything he does could be better and it is never enough. Destructive criticism, devaluation and comparisons with others must be avoided.

On the other hand, overprotection is also negative, since the child himself may see himself as useless and feel that without external help he is not capable of achieving anything. It is about the child seeing himself as someone valid at the same time that he feels that in case of need he can resort to the help of others.

5. No rewards or punishments

It is important to keep in mind that punishing the lack of desire to go to school can be counterproductive and can turn school itself into something aversive. So, we do not have to punish that they say or feel that they do not want to go.

In the same way, the opposite should not be rewarded, since in that case going to school or expressing desire to do so would become a means to obtain rewards.

What must be ensured is that going to school is a natural act that we may or may not want but that must be done.

6. Contact the center

Depending on the reason for the refusal, it may be necessary to go to the educational center and talk to those responsible about the problem that causes it and with the teachers. We are talking about cases such as bullying, or to agree on joint strategies in order to solve other problems.

7. successive approximation

Especially when we are dealing with very young children, after a vacation period or when some situation has happened traumatic for the minor, it may be appropriate for the child's introduction to the center to be carried out gradually and progressive.

I mean, maybe it might be convenient that they first spend a shorter period of time in school so that they can get used to it and reducing the level of anxiety generated by being at school.

8. sleep hygiene

One last recommendation that can help facilitate a better willingness to go to the school center is to solve one of the possible causes of resistance to going to school: sleeping poorly.

In this sense, it is advisable to ensure that the minor has enough time to rest and sleep during the night, following a stable schedule (You don't have to always go to sleep at the exact same time, but you should always or regularly go to sleep in a specific time slot).

And not only the schedule, it is also important that the place where you sleep meets stable and favorable conditions of the sleep: light, temperature, space or stimuli that can clear the child (for example screens) must be controlled.

It is also recommended that the bed be reserved for sleeping and that it is not common for it to be a place for other activities, since otherwise the child could associate the bed with stimuli that activate it and it would be more difficult To fall asleep.

9. Get professional help

It should be noted that depending on the case, its origin and whether or not means are found to solve it, it may necessary and advisable to go to professionals, either from the center itself (if they have them) or external. Among these professionals we can find advisors, psychologists, speech therapists, physiotherapists or even lawyers in some serious cases.

Bibliographic references:

• Butler, C. (2008). Talk and social interaction in the playground. Aldershot: Ashgate.
• Ginsburg, K. R. (2007)"The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent-Child Bonds" (PDF). American Academy of Pediatrics. 119(1).