How to assert yourself before others, in 8 steps

There are people who have difficulties asserting themselves when speaking with others, or with specific people or groups. This can become a major inconvenience, because the image of insecurity they convey makes that what they say is not taken into account or even that, by extension, they are not taken into account they.

In this article we will see several tips on how to assert yourself when speaking both with regard to the content of what is said and the way in which it is said, including non-verbal language.

• Related article: "Assertive communication: how to express yourself clearly"

How to assert yourself in conversations and relationships

Interpersonal relationships and the conversations that take place in them are always complex.

On the one hand, making yourself understood and correctly interpreting what the other says is already somewhat complicated, but to this we must add that through dialogue it is also necessary to solve clashes of interests, opinions and beliefs. Although the ability to use language has given us the ability to connect better with others, it also

has made us use words to assert ourselves, to submit or to be submitted and, if we don't realize it, to enter into dynamics that erode our self-esteem.

As a consequence, there are people who have entered into a dynamic in which they do not know how to express their ideas without feeling vulnerable, insecure. These are individuals who need to learn (and get used to) speaking confidently, defending their point of view.

It is necessary to break this habit, made up of a set of habits related to the way of speaking and communicating in general, to gain confidence in personal relationships. So, to assert yourself, it is advisable that you follow the following key ideas.

1. Identify what you fail the most

There are different ways to speak insecurely. For this reason, the first thing is to see in which aspects more noticeable changes are needed in our way of speaking and behaving in conversations.

A good way to start is to familiarize yourself with the concept of passive communication, which is the most typical for people who need to learn to speak confidently. This communicative style is characterized by the avoidance of direct confrontation, of expressing one's own needs and feelings, and maintaining a low profile.

• You may be interested in: "Passive communication: what it is and how to recognize it in 4 characteristics"

2. Make sure you maintain eye contact

It is very important that most of the time there is eye contact, since if this is not the case, whoever is avoiding it will offer an image of insecurity, in addition to making communication difficult. To solve it, the easiest thing to do is not to be obsessed with looking exactly into the other's pupils, and just not to look away from the other's face. In this way, without realizing it and spontaneously, eyes will meet and contact will be maintained without you having to worry too much about it.

3. Do not hold a contracted posture

Avoid postures and positions that keep your arms and legs too close to your vertical axis. Try to relax your muscles and make your arms move freely, keeping the forearms off the chest for most of the time (instead of keeping the arms crossed or having them with the hands glued to the chest).

4. Get used to speaking loud

It is important that the volume of your voice is adequate. There are insecure people who, to avoid making a fool of themselves, they try not to make what they say too noticeable, but this is something to avoid, since it adds a submission role to those who are used to speaking like this.

Therefore, it is best to practice in front of a mirror and improvise so that, little by little, that voice volume becomes more familiar and is the one used spontaneously, by default. It is important to do it with a certain regularity, so as not to lose part of the progress achieved in the previous sessions.

5. Avoid literally memorizing entire sentences

Some people try to compensate for their insecurity when speaking by carefully planning what they are going to say in a conversation. This is something that It can cause more problems than it solves., because it requires a greater concentration than it would cost simply to speak in a spontaneous way, given that in them you have to be constantly remembering what to say according to the script made previously.

Therefore, the ideal is in any case to plan in advance, very briefly and only for the important conversations, ideas that can be discussed in conversation, but without actually memorize phrases.

6. work your self esteem

Part of the problem of speaking insecurely has to do with something that is beyond communication and dialogue itself: it is about self-esteem. Working on it so it doesn't deflate is important, because part of the problem usually has to do with a lack of self-confidence and in what can be offered in a conversation. With a few months of practice, if necessary by attending the psychologist's office, asserting yourself will be much easier.

• Related article: "Low selfsteem? When you become your own worst enemy"

7. reflect and learn

This is another way to gain confidence when speaking: have conversation topics. For this, it is important not only to be original when it comes to making the dialogues turn towards interesting topics, but also have some knowledge to pass on, even if they are only personal reflections or interesting opinions that do not have to be based on memorizing specific data. When a person feels that by simply having some knowledge of something it can be very easy for him to make something interesting out of a dialogue, that gives him a lot of security.

• You may be interested in: "15 interesting and funny conversation topics"

8. work your assertiveness

Expressing ideas or opinions that do not fit with those of others is not a bad thing; it's natural. For this reason, it is necessary to work on assertiveness, which has to do with our ability to express ourselves defending our point of view while respecting others.