How is the psychotherapy to overcome the fear of rejection when looking for a partner?

Fear is one of the main factors that prevent us from leading a healthy and fulfilling life. Specifically, The fear of rejection and its corresponding damage in personal relationships prevents many people from establishing links with their environment, especially if it is a relationship.

What to do in these situations? It is evident that, as with any other fear, it is necessary to go to a professional to help us face it and overcome it. But what therapy is the most effective to deal with relationships when you are afraid of rejection?

Cognitive-behavioral therapy has been shown to be very effective when it comes to treating these fears when looking for a partner. and give patients back the necessary confidence to face the construction of new bonds. We will tell you what this method consists of below.

The problem of fear of rejection when looking for a partner

Couple relationships make us especially vulnerable because they have a high capacity for awaken buried fears and traumas in us, by exposing ourselves to the acceptance and appreciation of other. In addition, generally

In relationships, we tend to give a lot of ourselves, and this increases our feeling of vulnerability if we don't start from a firm and secure base..

When facing a new relationship with fear of rejection, we are unconsciously laying the foundation for what is known as the self-fulfilling prophecy. That is to say; As we are aware of that fear of rejection that invades us, we do not feel comfortable in the first contacts with that person and, consequently, we show ourselves to be insecure, doubtful, timid, and even abrupt and to the point of defensive. All of this will eventually make the person in question "leave", which we will interpret as a confirmation of our suspicions which, in turn, will make our fear grow. A vicious circle that leads nowhere.

People behave according to the ideas we have of reality. However, these ideas are not always adequate; they are often irrational and are built on prejudices and rigid thought patterns, which hinder a healthy interaction with the environment. This is where the cognitive behavioral therapy, which consists of a cognitive restructuring of the patient with the aim of changing his way of dealing with situations. Cognitive-behavioral therapy treats preconceived ideas and transforms them into much more constructive concepts and adapted to the reality that surrounds us to, in this way, also adapt our behavior and make it more functional.

• Related article: "Unwanted loneliness: what it is and how we can fight it"

The process of cognitive-behavioral therapy in the face of rejection when looking for a partner

Next, we are going to see what the cognitive-behavioral method consists of and how it can be applied to the fear of rejection by a potential partner.

1. Making the patient understand what is happening: psychoeducation

For an optimal development of the therapy, the patient must be aware of what is happening to him and why he cannot overcome his fear of her. The therapist explains what her situation is and establishes a dialogue with the patient so that he gets a clear vision of where the problem is. This step is essential to start treatment, because it prepares the patient for a change in her habits and ways of thinking.

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2. Dialogue for cognitive restructuring

The next point goes through a cognitive restructuring, that is, the management of the patient's irrational beliefs, which lead him to act in a counterproductive way. It is a slow and laborious process, since many of these irrational ideas are deeply rooted in the patient's mind. In this sense, the dialogue with the therapist is basic. Through conversation and the question-answer method, the therapist focuses on these misconceptions and helps the patient to be aware of them.

For example, if the fear of rejection comes from a distorted image of oneself (the result of low self-esteem), the The therapist will make these limitations aware and will try to make the patient see that they are not based on any reality. objective. In the same way, if the fear comes from a strict family upbringing, the therapist will make it easier for the patient to become aware of these limitations.

3. Facing fear: controlled exposure

All fear must be faced. It is the only way to reduce the anxiety it causes in us. However, this coping must always be carried out under the control of a professional and with a pre-established agreement between therapist and patient. Otherwise, it can be highly counterproductive.

Exposure therapy should be an adjunct to cognitive-behavioral therapy for optimal results. We could say that it is the “practical” part of it. So the patient come into contact with anxiety stimuli (starting with those that generate less anxiety), and thus, gradually, you can modulate your emotions.

4. relaxation techniques

They are an important complement to cognitive-behavioral therapy, since they favor the patient to be calm to face the therapy. On the other hand, these relaxation techniques, which include diaphragmatic breathing and Jacobson's Progressive Muscle Relaxation, among others, are very useful to improve the daily life of the patient.

Are you looking for professional psychological assistance?

If you want to start a therapy process, contact me.

My name is diego red and I am a psychologist specializing in cognitive-behavioral therapy.