8 basic rules for efficient assertiveness

Assertiveness does not consist of saying everything that goes through our heads or, on the contrary, relegating everything to the fact of whether or not what we want to say makes our interlocutor uncomfortable. It consists, in any case, in a balance between these two poles: saying what must be communicated, and doing it in a respectful and empathetic way, trying not to generate unnecessary discomfort.

That is why the key concept when developing assertiveness is "efficiency": we must make our ideas and opinions more relevant are conveyed, but without wasting time or resources in an uncontrolled manner or in a way that may give rise to conflicts avoidable. That's why, In this article we will review the basic rules of efficient communication.

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How to achieve efficient assertiveness when communicating with others?

Follow these tips so that assertiveness allows you to communicate fluently.

1. Be clear about the ideas you want to communicate

One of the first rules that we must take into account to improve our assertiveness is to be clear in advance about the ideas that we want to communicate in the conversation that we are going to have.

To achieve this purpose we can write down in advance in a notebook or notebook the ideas or concepts principals on which our speech is going to be developed and memorize or review them previously; although we should not try to memorize exact phrases, only the ideas to express.

As public speaking experts know, the important thing to develop any speech is to be clear about the outline of what we are going to say and how the key ideas of what we want to communicate to our interlocutor are going to be related.

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2. Do not criticize people but their actions

A characteristic sign of good assertiveness occurs in those people who, when criticizing, focus on the actions or arguments of the people in front of them and not on those people specifically.

Personally criticizing our interlocutor when we are in the middle of a conversation is a sign of little assertiveness and a lack of argumentative flexibility, so we must always remember to focus on the arguments and not on the people who make them. utter.

3. When criticizing, propose alternatives or solutions

Whenever you intend to criticize an idea or approach, you must be able to propose a alternative or solution to those you are criticizing, since if you do not do so your criticism may lose legitimacy.

Once again, being able to propose other alternative arguments or different solutions to the same problem is one of the signs elements of assertive people and an unequivocal sign of ability and flexibility in public speaking and counterargumentation respecting those who think differently or we consider that they have been wrong.

4. Set a deadline date and time to communicate what must be said

Assertiveness has to do with resolution, the search for solutions and the communication of what we want to say at a certain time and place.

That is why a useful rule that we can follow to be more assertive is to establish a deadline date and time for communicate anything we want to communicate to another person, agreeing and previously communicating it to said person or people.

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5. avoid stretching

One of the keys to being assertive is to communicate a short, concise and direct speech, with which we attract the attention of our audience and is easy to follow by the people who listen to us.

Clarity is just as important, that is, saying things trying to make them understandable and avoiding excessively complicated or far-fetched formulations or words.

6. Restructure negative thoughts

Sometimes we can be approached by negative thoughts about ourselves or about our speech, harmful ideas that make us lose confidence in ourselves and in our approaches, ideas or arguments.

To overcome this type of thoughts, we must learn to deny them through a rational analysis of them and to convert them into more positive and adaptive thoughts that allow us to gain confidence in our abilities and motivate us to continue improving as assertive speakers.

7. Keep calm

The people with the highest level of assertiveness are those capable of communicating their speeches in a calm and without losing control in the face of the unforeseen.

We can achieve a state of calm in many ways, the most common being to implement relaxation techniques such as meditation, Mindfulness, progressive muscle relaxation, yoga or breathing techniques aware.

8. Promote non-verbal language

Non-verbal language can be of great help to us to express everything that we must say and constitutes a great tool to highlight those most important parts of our speech.

Putting good non-verbal language into practice consists of knowing how to look into the eyes of the interlocutor, maintaining an attitude of listening and attention, staying relaxed with a correct and upright posture.