50 quotes from Eric Berne about life
Eric Berne was a Canadian psychiatrist and psychologist. especially known for having created the Transactional Analysis. This author, a disciple of Paul Federn (one of Freud's disciples), generated a model based on the social in which he considered that communication with the social environment can be the source and at the same time the solution of the various problems mental.
Taking the transaction as the basic unit of social relationship, the author integrated psychoanalytic concepts and humanists and even behaviorists focusing their perspective on the present and personal growth, developing concepts such as states of the self called Child, Adult and Parent and also establishing a theory regarding the scripts or roles that we interpret.
In order to better understand his thoughts, I offer you a series of 50 phrases by Eric Berne.
- Related article: "The 55 best phrases about Psychology... and its meaning"
50 interesting phrases by Eric Berne
Below you can see fifty sentences from the creator of Transactional Analysis, in no particular order.
1. By the time a child worries whether he is a jay or a sparrow, he can no longer see the birds or hear them sing.
The moment we start to analyze things instead of living them supposes a loss of natural spontaneity and makes it difficult for us to be able to enjoy.
2. Children understand people much better than educated adults who study human behavior
The innocence and spontaneity of a child makes it possible for them to be able to guess and understand how others are and are not subjected to as much interpretation as adults
3. Games are compromise between intimacy and keeping intimacy away
The ability to be intimate with others is essential and one of the goals of transactional analysis. For Berne, the game supposes the ability to be oneself and get closer to the other in a partial way, since intimacy is circumscribed to the game in question.
4. No man is a hero to his wife's psychiatrist
We all have a downside that others, and especially those who know us best, can appreciate. We all hurt someone with our actions or the lack of them at some point.
5. Each person designs their own life, freedom gives them power to carry out their designs, and power gives them the freedom to interfere in the designs of others
In this sentence Berne talks about freedom and how this can be interfered with through interaction with others.
6. People are born princes and princesses until the process of civilization turns them into frogs.
The education and the restriction of the behavior that we carry out as we are being educated cause the reduction of spontaneity and the repression of authenticity, making it more difficult to achieve authentic relationships privacy.
7. It is our responsibility to take off that toad skin and continue being princes and princesses.
In this sentence linked to the previous one, it is established that we are the ones who must strive to recover our spontaneity and our instinctive part in an active way.
8. I'm fine, you're fine
This phrase supposes for Berne the ideal position that allows the human being to establish healthy relationships with his fellow men.
9. A healthy person says "yes", "no" and "bravo!". An unhealthy person says "yes, but", "no, but" and "no bravo"
The loss of illusion, self-awareness, spontaneity and intimacy makes people doubt their claims and what they want.
10. Being aware requires that we live in the here and now, and not in nothing, the past or the future.
This phrase encourages us to live our lives in the present, without obsessing over what has already been or what could become.
11. When the intuitive disposition is strong, it brings with it a feeling of certainty that is hard to shake.
Intuitive people tend to pick up on details that other people would miss for no objective reason. In general, whoever intuits something tends to think that he has a high chance of being right.
12. Refusing to follow unconscious parental commands can lead to the witch mother appearing on the scene. or the ogre father, and in the worst case both, to reproach him for the audacity that he has had in disobey them
Berne tells us the effect that failure to comply with its designs has on the Father Self by the I child.
13. Whoever loses does not know what he will do if he loses, but he talks about what he will do if he wins, and whoever wins does not talk about what he will do if he wins, although he knows what he will do if he loses.
This phrase serves to reflect on expectations and our ability not to anticipate possible successes.
14. For the patient's Child to be good means to do what his parents told him to do in early childhood. Being good can go from not causing problems to being a genocide, since in both cases the parental order is followed. And as long as the patient's Child follows his Paternal directives, he will maintain his Father's protection and affection.
The Child, our most spontaneous and free internal part, as he grows up tends to limit his activity according to what the Father I considers (what the reference figures have instilled in him).
15. If Jeder studies his facial expressions in the mirror, he'll soon see what he's doing to make people react the way he does, and then he'll be in a position to change things if he wants to.
Knowing how we relate to each other and what we express to others is essential in order to be able to introduce changes in our way of relating.
16. The Child in the person is potentially capable of contributing to his personality exactly as a real happy child is capable of contributing to family life.
The instinctive and spontaneous part of our being leads us to pursue our desires and dreams and to be happy.
17. Whether he is successful or unsuccessful, the script is a way of structuring the time between the first "Hello" on the mother's chest and the last "Goodbye" at the grave.
The roles and scripts that we acquire throughout our lives structure our behavior and what we experience throughout our life cycle.
18. The most brutal psychological blow a human being can receive is proof that his good mother cheated on him.
The disappointment with respect to who or what we idolize and value supposes a deep pain and suffering when the expectations and the illusion in it are broken.
19. It is incredible to think, at first, that the destiny of man, all his nobility and all his degradation, is decided by a child no more than six years old, and generally three.
Who we are as an adult is largely determined and/or influenced by what we experience in the early stages of our lives, especially during early childhood.
20. Scripted deaths are usually signaled by the gallows smile or humor. The man who dies with a smile on his face or a joke on his lips is dying the death who asks for his script, and the smile or joke says: “Well, mother, now I am following your instructions. I hope you're happy"
This phrase refers to following behavior patterns established not by oneself but by what education dictates, which to a large extent lead to the repression of our instincts and desires.
21. An established fetishist usually doesn't make a very good husband, unless he finds exactly the right woman.
This phrase tells us about the search for idealized characteristics and the little adequacy between them and reality.
22. We think we are relating to others... but in reality we are playing
The relationship with others is something complex, and generally we limit ourselves to expressing only a part of our intimacy without being entirely authentic.
23. Human life is the process of passing time until the arrival of death, or Santa Claus
In this sentence, Berne refers to the fact that we can live life in an organized way and according to the restrictions and repressions imposed from outside, or living life authentically and free.
24. Love is given from Child to Child: a Child even more primitive than that of intimacy, since the child of intimacy sees things as they are, in all their pristine beauty, while the Child of love adds something to them and shines things with a halo invisible to all but him. lover
Berne talks about love as something that occurs from authenticity and intimacy (our Child internal), as well as that love makes us add illusion and happiness.
- You may be interested in: "The 4 types of love: what different kinds of love are there?"
25. Scripts are artificial systems that limit spontaneous and creative human aspirations, in the same way that games are artificial structures that limit spontaneous intimacy and creator
This phrase reflects what the existence of scripts and even games imply for the author as limiting the authenticity of being.
26. Arguments are meant to last a lifetime. They are based on childhood decisions and constantly reinforced parental programming
This phrase prompts us to reflect on the basis of our arguments
27. Reinforcement can take the form of everyday contact, as in the men who work for your father, or the women who phone your mother every morning to chat, or it can be applied less frequently and more subtly, but with the same force, through a treatment occasional
In this fragment linked to the previous sentence we can see how Berne considered the existence and importance of basic social reinforcement when it comes to explaining and directing our behavior.
28. Parental programming is not the "fault" of the parents since they do nothing more than pass on to their children the programming received from their parents. parents, just as it is not their "fault" the physical appearance of their children since they do nothing more than pass on the genes they received from their ancestors. But brain chemicals are easier to change than those that determine physical appearance.
For Berne, communication and the type of transaction between parents and children can be modified to make it more adaptive and to transmit and generate in the progeny a better programming than the one that we originated. Childhood experiences can generate a specific psychic structure, but this is not determined solely by these experiences.
29. When the script decrees that the patient must never get well, but the therapist manages to destroy this curse. This requires enormous power and skill on your part. He must gain the full trust of the patient's Child, as success depends on the Child having more trust in him than in the original parent who dictated the script.
In this sentence the author expresses that the therapist must be able to contact the child, with the primary and authentic part of the patient, if he intends to help modify the structure of the self.
30. In most cases the witch father plans the length of Jeder's life and the manner of his death, and he, by his own decision, unless there are internal or external commotions, will carry out the parental decree
In this sentence, Berne reflects that it is easy to get carried away by the configuration of personality and behavior carried out by society, ignoring one's own authenticity.
31. A script merely means that someone told the person what they had to do a long time ago, and they decided to do it.
The author establishes the script as a transaction in which the role of a person is configured, this being the result of the transmission of points of view, information, expectations and other aspects.
32. Each person decides in his early childhood how he will live and how he will die, and this plan, which he carries in his head wherever he goes, is called a script.
In line with the previous sentence, in this case it is added that the transactions that end up generating our scripts are occur essentially in early childhood.
- Related article: "The 6 stages of childhood (physical and mental development)"
33. Scripts are only possible because people don't know what they are doing to themselves and others. In fact, knowing what you are doing is the opposite of following a script.
The author reflects on the role of self-knowledge in order to determine whether or not we do what we want to do.
34. Each individual is pushed by his script to repeat the same patterns of behavior over and over again, no matter how much he regrets the consequences.
The role and role we take leads to always behave in a certain way.
35. The forces of human destiny are four and very fearsome: demonic parental programming, aided by the inner voice that the ancients called "Daemon"; constructive parental programming, aided by the vital impulse that was called "Phusis" a long time ago; external forces, which we still call "Fate" and independent aspirations, for which the ancients did not have any human names, since for them they were privileges mainly of gods and Kings
Interesting phrase that shows the different forces that help us configure the psyche.
36. All your decisions are made by four or five people inside your head, and while you may not ignore them if you're too proud to hear them, they'll be there next time if you bother. listen to them Script analysts learn to amplify and identify these voices
The self is influenced by different ways of seeing the world and living it, which Berne identified as characters. These characters suggest ways of acting in the world.
37. When children planned their lives they often followed the plot of a favorite story. The real surprise was that these plans persisted for twenty, forty, or eighty years, and that in the long run they usually prevailed over common sense.
This phrase reflects that we live our lives according to what we identify with, acting accordingly.
38. The main themes of life scripts are the same as those found in fairy tales: love, hate, gratitude and revenge.
These four aspects are the main elements on which the scripts we take throughout our lives are based.
39. In the event that the patient's Child is rebellious, perhaps he has enough strength to withstand the attacks cruel and excessive attacks from their critical Parents, but sooner or later these attacks will take effect and achieve their aim
The instinctive, spontaneous part with the capacity for intimacy of each person can be resistant, but generally tends to end up being controlled and restricted by the values and points of view that we have captured during childhood.
40. The fate of every human being is decided by what is inside his head when he is confronted by what is outside of it.
The existence and resolution of conflicts between the Child Self and what comes from outside is what shapes our destiny.
41. The man tends to be attracted to the things that his family stressed, particularly his mother. Indeed, the basic rule of fetishes is that a man's fetish is the same as his mother's Child.
This phrase tells us about the transmission by the family of aspects to look at or to feel attracted to.
42. Mrs. Blanco complained that her husband severely limited her social activities so that she had never learned to dance. Due to changes in her attitude resulting from psychiatric treatment, her husband began to feel less self-confident and more indulgent. Then Mrs. Blanco was able to expand the range of her activities. She enrolled in dance classes and discovered, to her dismay, that she had a great fear of the dance floor and she had to abandon this project. This unfortunate affair, along with others like it, brought to light important aspects of the structure of her marriage. Out of her numerous suitors, she chose a domineering man as her husband. She was then in a position to complain that she could do everything “if it wasn't for him”. Many of her friends also had domineering husbands, and when they got together in the morning for coffee, they spent a lot of time playing If It Weren't For Him.
This fragment expresses the idea that sometimes we choose to interact with people that allow us to self-justify why the Child I is not listened to by the person himself.
43. Hobbies and games are substitutes for the actual experience of real intimacy.
The author sees the game as something that replaces the experience of real intimacy, cutting part of the individual's own spontaneity.
44. Hunger is the need to touch and be touched, to be recognized by society and it can only be appeased with caresses.
In this sentence Berne tells us about the need to be recognized and accepted by the environment, including our most significant people.
45. I know that when people talk, they exchange something with each other, and that's why they talk with each other. The fundamental question is: why do people talk to each other?
In this sentence we can see what the transaction means for Berne
46. In most cases, when we mention interaction it implies that there is no action at all. People who actually do things don't use words like interaction. Transaction means: "At least I have already taken a step forward"
In this sentence we see the difference between interaction, more passive, and transaction as active communication.
47. The eternal problem of the human being is how to structure his waking hours
The human being tends to structure the world according to the concepts and precepts that he is acquiring throughout his life, being the structuring of his time one of his greatest concerns.
48. The achievement of autonomy is manifested by the discovery or recovery of three capacities: awareness, spontaneity and intimacy.
In this sentence the author expresses the basic capacities that make up autonomy.
49. The solitary individual can structure time in two ways: through activity and through fantasy.
Activity and fantasy are for Berne different ways in which the human being can structure his time.
50. Instead of encouraging people to live bravely in an old world, it is possible to make them live happily in a brave new world.
This phrase leads us to reflect that we really do not have to adjust to the already established models, Rather, we must modify the world and contribute new things in order to enrich our lives and those of others. the rest.
