The power of trust

We could define trust as that expectation that we place in something or someone with the hope that they will respond as we expect. It is that personal and emotional part that we give to a situation or person, and that, at the same time, is so valuable and important.

Throughout our lives we have trusted people to whom we have offered the best of ourselves, and sometimes, what we have obtained in return have been disappointments or disappointments that have caused us pain, a feeling of sadness and emptiness that has led us to experience a grieving process by considering a break in the relationship with the person who betrayed us.

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What does it depend on whether we are more or less trusting?

Our past experiences exert an important influence on the trust that we are able to place in others. The more difference there is between trust and expectations placed in any type of relationship, and the result we get in return, the greater impact we receive, and therefore, the more intense the emotion negative.

Betrayal or deception give us a shock of reality that we did not expect, drawing a type of person who is totally unknown to us. We have the feeling that the person we trusted does not exist, since he showed us a face that did not reflect reality.

The more painful our experiences have been, the more difficult it will be for us to trust others afterwards. We activate a kind of self-protection mechanism that keeps us alert to the people around us and prevents us from making ourselves known to avoid showing what may be our weak or fragile points. We avoid showing our tender and more emotional side, the one that makes us vulnerable to others, in order to avoid going through the same process again.

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What to do with trust in personal relationships?

As I explain in consultation, with confidence, we have two options:

• Deliver it completely when we meet someone and leave in their hands the responsibility of keeping it or losing it depending on their actions.
• Be cautious and hand it over little by little depending on the behavior of the person who wants to be part of our life. Depending on what you do, we will dose it that way.

Either of the two options is valid, taking into account that in the first one we are more exposed, but the important thing is not to close in on oneself. We cannot allow ourselves to become fearful, distrustful and insecure people, since it is very This is likely to affect our interpersonal relationships and our relationship with the world at large. general.

How does distrust harm us?

Some of the consequences we suffer living submerged in distrust are:

1. poor social environment

Difficulty making or keeping friends. Also to establish any type of affective relationship.

2. Unsafety

Living constantly on alert, even ending up becoming something natural, feeds your insecurity when interacting with the world. You feel vulnerable, fearful, and because of this, you lose the ability to maintain control of situations and show yourself to be sure of yourself. You must know and be clear that no one will cross your red lines if you are able to set limits.

3. distortion of reality

Those who live alert and mistrustful will tend to distort reality, judging the behavior of certain people or understanding any comment as an attack or threat. They are especially susceptible people who will analyze in detail everything that surrounds them, trying to find deception or manipulation. This pushes them to be unhappy people and to continuously experience negative feelings that prevent them from moving forward and living new experiences.

4. Coldness

We can come to project an image of hardness, coldness or insensitivity that causes rejection by others when in reality, we are capable of feeling and empathize, only that we distance people from us because of those barriers and personal limitations created by fears derived from bad experiences of the past.

We believe that by building layers and layers like onions, we will be able to better control our emotions. We are convinced that if we do not give others the opportunity to get to know each other in depth, we will always be in control of our personal relationships and they will never be able to harm us. This is far from reality.

5. Obsessive or toxic behaviors

In specific cases, such as infidelities, the fact of having suffered such a betrayal of the trust placed in the couple, produces in us the urgent need to carry out behaviors that are toxic to both parties in order to trust again, such as example, control the entrances and exits of the couple, monitor the mobile phone, check that it really is where it says it is, or that he goes out with the friends he says he has. This can be extrapolated to other types of relationships.

Conclusion

It is important to know yourself, to know what our limits are, show them without fear, make sure they are respected and separate those who have already betrayed us on one occasion. Knowing that we are capable of resolving any conflict that comes our way, of overcoming heartbreak, of relating to the world using all our senses and emotions freely. Only in this way can we continue to be authentic, be able to trust again and open up to new opportunities by delivering our best version.