How to offer condolences for the loss of a loved one

Offering condolences to a friend, family member or co-worker can be quite a challenge. for some people. It is a delicate moment for several reasons, and the state of psychological vulnerability of the person to the one we give condolences is one of them, as well as the fear of offending or hurting her emotionally.

In this article we will see several tips on how to offer condolences in various situations, as well as examples to do it in the best possible way.

• Related article: "Grief: coping with the loss of a loved one"

Tips on How to Give Condolences Properly

Giving condolences is not just a ritual that is done out of habit. In fact, it has a very specific utility: showing the person who is suffering from the loss of a loved one who is not alone, that the psychological pain she feels has not disconnected her from the world and that there is someone out there who cares about your well-being.

Now, giving condolences is not something as simple as saying a sentence without worrying about the way it is done; In cases where there is a strong emotional charge, the how matters as much or more than the what.

So, let's see a series of fundamental ideas to know how to give condolences in an appropriate, simple and without giving rise to misunderstandings, ambiguities or uncomfortable situations that may seem disrespectful.

• You may be interested in: "The 10 keys to coping with emotional pain"

1. Do not plan phrases that make you stand out

Offering condolences does not consist in making memorable contributions, nor in giving unsolicited life lessons or surpassing others in the originality of what is said. It is, without more, communicate willingness to support to that person to whom a loved one has died, and offer a moment of closeness that they can appreciate. The important thing is to make the interlocutor feel in the best possible way.

2. Tends to spontaneity

If you realize that you are creating a mental script of what you are going to say, make sure that it is not very detailed, and don't try to perfectly memorize entire sentences. This will only make you have more reason to feel nervous, and it will take away from the honesty of your way of expressing yourself.

Just think of a simple message, order the main ideas that should appear in it, and don't worry about the content anymore. In these cases, it is customary to say how the news of the death of that person reached us, how it made us feel, and then it goes on to show support for the listener; all this in a matter of seconds, without getting too long.

For example: “last night my sister called me and told me about your father. I'm so sorry, he was a very good man. If you need anything, tell me."

He thinks that what is said to offer condolences should be relatively brief, since otherwise it may seem that you claim the leading role of the moment, and on the other hand that means that the other person cannot express himself as I would want.

3. Don't make assumptions about how bad it must feel

It is out of place to make estimates about how bad the person to whom we offer our condolences must be feeling, since on the one hand this is obvious, and on the other a phrase like that reminds him of the pain of loss, making him feel worse at that very moment.

4. keep it simple

Bet more on honesty than on convoluted formulas to communicate. Among other things, because there is no reason to demand a lot of attention from the other person in order to understand what we are saying: give condolences It must be something fluid, in which the listener does not have to invest effort.

5. Choose the moment well

The context in which the condolences are given is also part of the message. Choose well when and where to communicate what you want to say, ensuring that it is not a setback or an interruption for the other person.

It is preferable to do it in a place that offers at least some privacy (for example, not in a large group of people who are paying attention to the conversation).

6. Adjust the degree of proximity

If you feel uncomfortable getting too close to people or touching someone you don't have a lot of trust with, you better not force too close.

In the same way, if physical contact is inappropriate due to the personality or cultural roots of your interlocutor or your relationship, it is also better to avoid this. It is not mandatory to give a hug, not even touch the shoulder or side.

7. Do not ask for explanations or long answers

It is important that when offering condolences the other person don't feel pressured to talk about how you feel. It should be completely optional and voluntary.