I have no friends: 6 possible causes and what to do
The main concern of many people in the world can be summed up in one sentence: "I have no friends". Now, no one is born predestined to be alone. In this article we will see some keys to understand why the feeling of absolute loneliness appears on certain occasions, and what can be done to remedy it.
- Related article: "The 12 types of friends: what are yours like?"
"I have no friends": possible explanations
The number of friendships is based on predispositions based largely on temperament and character. The difference between popular people and those who don't have friends lies mainly in personality characteristics.
It is common to see how in different social spheres there are subjects to whom interpersonal relationships seem given to them, having a tremendous facility to start a conversation and to maintain friendships in the time.
Then we have the other side of the coin, they are the subjects for whom social contact is difficult to a great extent, generally do not know what to say during social interaction, they are invaded by anxiety and end up saying “I have no friends”.
However, the context also matters. Neither a person with a genetic predisposition to be shy is doomed to have few or no friend, neither someone with facilities to socialize since childhood has to be very popular always.
Bearing this in mind, let's move on to the causes that can make a person not have friends. There may be parenting factors in this. that have generated insecurity in the person and this can be reflected in the absence of friends, and there are also factors of biological origin that can influence; the Autism Spectrum Disorders are associated with a significant lack of friends.
Some people sometimes ask the question "why don't I have friends?" and they do not come up with a very clear answer. Below we will see the most frequent and important causes in most cases.
1. we are shy people
Being shy or withdrawn from social contact can make us fall into a kind of voluntary isolation from which it is very difficult for us to get out; we prefer to stay in our comfort zone instead of exposing ourselves to a social situation that may be uncomfortable for us.
2. histrionic behavior
The histrionic person is one who she is used to constantly attracting attention. For these people, conversations must revolve around their person or else they will not feel comfortable.
3. choleric temperament
They are subjects that get irritated too easily. At the slightest adverse stimulus they are capable of reacting with violence (verbal, physical or psychological). They have a low tolerance for frustration and this brings them as a consequence the difficulty to have friendly relations.
4. Emotional dependence
When we are emotionally dependent, we focus most of our energies on pleasing the person on whom we are dependent and we forget that we can also relate to other people in a healthy way.
5. mythomania
The pathological liar usually appears to have a good relationship with his peers and appears to be able to create abundant social ties, but this is nothing more than a mask, a layer of smoke that hides reality. Subjects who lie on a recurring basis are not capable of establishing quality social relationships. When the others realize the lies, they end up walking away.
6. extreme passivity
Some people have trouble making friends. simply because they do not engage in the social activities that others participate in. For example, they prefer to decline invitations to events where it is very easy to meet others on an informal level: after-work dinners, group hiking trips, etc.
What to do to not feel alone and gain friendships
Now that we have seen the main causes that can lead a person to wonder "why not I have friends?" We will see what we can do to increase our social circle in a healthy way, establishing lasting and quality relationships. When it comes to friends, it is important to keep in mind that what matters most is quality and not quantity.
1. Find the things that unite you with others
This refers to being vigilant about the things we have in common with other people. When we realize that there are coincidences in tastes or opinions with someone else, we can take that to start a conversation.
2. ask about their emotions
Once we have been able to start the conversation it is important to ask about the emotions of the other. This makes the bond consolidate and puts us on the path to having a lasting and quality friendship relationship.
3. show yourself vulnerable
There are those who believe that vulnerability is synonymous with weakness, because nothing could be further from the truth. When we have a friendly relationship with someone and we trust this person, being vulnerable by showing our feelings help strengthen that bond. It is a sign of trust that the other identifies and values.
4. break with the routine
To have friends it is important to get out of your comfort zone and try interesting things in the company of others. For example, we may have acquaintances at the office or at school with whom we get along well, but making plans and meeting in another setting can take friendship to the next level.
5. stay close
Once we have managed to establish a friendship with someone, it is important to maintain frequent contact with that person. We're not going to become stalkers or anything like that, but showing interest with text messages to see how our friend is doing is a good way to stay close. We must be careful not to invade the personal space of the other or else it would be counterproductive.
6. develop new hobbies
If you harvest diverse hobbies, it will be easier to connect with others. For this reason, dedicate time to learning or developing projects associated with the desire to learn or to gradually establish hobbies; Even if some of them are not done in a group, they will indirectly make it easier for you to have topics of conversation.
And also, you can always find friends in the groups and forums of people with the same interests, thanks to the diversity of platforms available on the Internet.
