The crisis of 40 in men: characteristics and what to do

Time goes by. It happens for each and every one of us, regardless of what we think about it. For children, adolescents and young people, having a birthday is something exciting, one more step to become an independent adult man or woman capable of leading their lives as they want.

However, as we get older and older, and often into our late thirties, many People go from feeling this illusion to starting to worry about the large number of candles to blow out on the cake: we are no longer young. In fact, this concern can reach such an extreme that it can generate a small psychosocial crisis, something especially common in the forties.

And although it has always occurred in women as well, traditionally a moment of crisis with sudden behavioral repercussions in men has been identified. In fact, we are talking about the well-known midlife crisis, in this case in men. It is about this vital process that we are going to talk about throughout this article.

• Related article: "The 9 stages of human life"

Midlife crisis: what is it?

The name of crisis of the forties is a period or process of crisis at a psychological and emotional level that occurs in those people who reach forty years before the perception and awareness that the years are passing, in a moment in which the subject comes to the conclusion that he is no longer young and that it is approximately at the midpoint of its life expectancy. In fact, in reality the specific age is not relevant in itself, so it is more appropriate to call it a midlife crisis.

These thoughts can lead to making a vital balance, in which the type of life that the person currently leads is valued and contrasts it with the expectations of his youth. Likewise, an assessment of the dreams and projects that have been fulfilled and those that have not come into play. It is also common for there to be the idea that what they have not fulfilled is already impractical to do in the future, which generates great pain, disappointment and frustration.

Another aspect on which he usually reflects is on life and the routine that is followed, which may end up being unsatisfactory or may lack some type of stimulus. There may also be the idea that from now on they are going to decline, in addition to the perception that they are losing vigor, physical power and sexual attractiveness.

These sensations can generate great stress in those who suffer from it, something that can trigger a series of behavioral and emotional manifestations characterized by impulsiveness and the need to introduce changes. We could consider the crisis of the forties as a phase of mourning before the perception of a loss progressive youth: denial, anger, depression, bargaining appear... and over time too acceptance. And fortunately, this stage of crisis tends to resolve over time as it is accepted that time passes and that this does not imply that our life has ended.

It is important to note, however, that although it is relatively common, not all people will experience a midlife crisis: it depends, among many other factors, on the importance that we give to the passing of the years, the vital balance that we make, if we are satisfied with our current way of life or if we have fulfilled or see our goals achievable or not. vital goals.

• You may be interested in: "Emotional stagnation: when nothing seems to change"

Possible problems derived from this crisis

At a cognitive level, the subject can form a negative image of their current situation compared to the expectations held in youth. Fears may appear over time, which may include denial of one's own age or possible ailments. A slight hypochondriasis may also appear.

The existence of anxiety, deep anguish and even depressive symptoms is much more common: mood sad, slowing down, ruminations, apathy, lack of perception of pleasure in things that used to be liked, sleep problems and appetite.

It is frequent that a phase of rebellion against what is established and routine occurs, sometimes with unreasonable and highly impulsive behaviors. It is also common for there to be regrets for unfulfilled dreams, for day to day to be perceived as a boring, empty and full of suffering and that the idea appears that our dreams will never come true. be fulfilled. Sometimes they try to sublimate themselves with risky actions or with the search for adrenaline. What is sought is to recover the sensation of feeling young and vital, full of hopes and dreams.

Its main manifestations in man

In men, the mid-forties crisis usually presents as an urgent need to make changes in a life that they may consider lacking in emotion. Changes that they can try to introduce suddenly and even desperately in the face of the anguish generated by the perception of beginning to consider that they are in middle adulthood from which they are going to become greater.

At a relational level, as the level of demand and responsibility towards a partner and children increases it is possible that the subject notices a high pressure and experiences his efforts as a sacrifice. Arguments, conflicts, and attempts to change established routines may come into play. It is also possible that the person in crisis wants to spend time alone or change their environment, and that they appear aloof or distant with what was usual for them. Some men look for adventures and commit infidelities in this phase, and even in extreme cases they may want to break with everything and leave the family nucleus.

At work, irresponsible behavior, fights, abandonment or attempts to change jobs may appear. It is also possible that alcohol or drug use is used in order to try to escape from day to day.

Another type of behavior is that which seeks to recall the past., in such a way that the person can try to return to places and situations that remind him of his youth and that he considers simpler than his current situation. With regard to the physical, it is common for the subject to begin to worry about his image even if he did not do so before, and that they begin to actively deal with improve it: practice of sport in previously sedentary people, use of creams and cosmetic products or changes in clothing towards more trends juveniles.

How to reduce its effect

The midlife crisis or midlife crisis is a stage of great stress and anguish for those who suffers, but it is possible to take into account a series of tips and strategies that may be useful for cope with it

First of all, it is necessary to take into account that the fact that having reached a specific age does not imply the end of lifeWe still have a long way to go. Likewise, the fact that some dreams have not yet been fulfilled does not imply that they are impossible. And even if one of them is no longer viable, it is possible that the fact of not complying with it has given rise to different vital circumstances that may have been highly satisfactory for us.

Another very important point to keep in mind is that we must reinforce and appreciate the goals that we have achieved, as well as recognize our own merits. And it is that it is common for routine and day to day to make us not value what we have, being used to having it: family, friends, work and hobbies are clear examples.

Also it is advisable to focus on an exciting goal or project, something that makes us vibrate and facilitates projecting ourselves positively towards the future and not towards the past. Another possible course of action would be to talk to people who are in the same situation: men also in their forties or fifties who are going through or who have already gone through this vital process: it is about being able to express your doubts and emotions with other people in a situation similar.

Family support is also relevant, especially in regards to the couple. It is advisable to have a positive and empathetic approach, trying to put yourself in their shoes and understand their possible suffering. However, it must also be taken into account that this does not imply carte blanche for the subject in crisis.

In the event that they are alive, it is also possible to rely on their parents, since the father figure can be an example to cope with the passage of time whether you have suffered this type of crisis or No. Finally, if necessary, professional help can be used in order to facilitate the passage through this crisis.

Bibliographic references:

• Kruger, A. (1994). "The Mid-life Transition: Crisis or Chimera?", Psychological Reports, 75, 1299-1305.