Differences between punishment and limit (in the education of children)

Something basic to facilitate coexistence is to try to maintain our behavior around parameters that we call social norms. If on some occasions we adults perceive these parameters as arbitrary and illogical; it is even more common for boys and girls to have difficulties assimilating them and acting on them.

During the process (the recognition and respect of norms), adults are key characters, since it is largely through us that they learn what they are expected to do and what they are not. Specifically, our influence has to do with the way we teach what the limits are and what happens if they are not respected.

In this article we will see some differences between limits and punishments, as well as one of the proposals of the modern pedagogy to keep a educational style respectful that at the same time transmits to the boy or girl some necessary guidelines to live together.

• "The 6 stages of childhood (physical and psychological development)"

Authority or negotiation?

Since educational models began to be "child-centered", early childhood education has transitioned of a model of authority (where the adults were the ones who gave the orders and the children simply followed); to a model based on negotiation, where the child's own needs must be taken into account and not only that of the adult.

In this sense, when using concepts such as norms, discipline, limits and authority in the child education, generally we do not speak of an authoritarian model that suggests domination, but of a model that seeks coexistence, respect, tolerance and responsibility for one's own acts.

Nevertheless, the model based on negotiation has generated some difficulties, not only for boys and girls but also for caregivers and educators, since sometimes it becomes a totally permissive and overprotective parenting style.

What does “set limits” mean?

Setting limits is necessary because in this way we teach children that they cannot do absolutely everything they want without considering how it affects other people.

This even helps to develop other skills, such as recognizing one's own limits and how others should approach or not.; It can also help children recognize and establish clear limits regarding long-term self-demand.

In practical terms, setting a limit consists of specifying to the child when, how and where a behavior is not allowed; and when, how and where it is allowed.

For example, when young children are in the process of understanding risky behaviors, it is common for them to approach spaces dangerous and do things like put their fingers in electrical outlets, put their hand on the stove or stove, run to where there are cars etc

In addition to taking the necessary and classic measures such as covering the sockets, it is also useful to indicate to them in firm, short sentences and simple words, that "not here". It is also important to set clear limits regarding the approach of others, especially so that they distinguish their personal space and which is the space of others.

Finally, setting limits is not the same as delimiting or even imposing rules, which do not necessarily facilitate coexistence but that they do correspond to the values ​​of each context. For example, getting good grades or not sleeping after 10:00 pm is a norm that varies according to the dynamics that exist in different spaces.

Differences between limit and punishment

After setting a limit, what follows is the child's response. Boys and girls generally do not respect the limit at the first indication, although it can also happen that they do not do it to the second or the third, before which, follows one more response from the adult.

Next we will know the differences between limits and punishments.

1. The limit is only the indication, the punishment is the answer

The limit is only the indication, the punishment is the response to the behavior of a child. The limit then is the specification of what is not allowed and the punishment is the adult's response, once the child has not respected that specification. Punishment is usually charged with emotions such as anger, so it is more of an adult's response to his venting, which has little, if any, negative effect on the education and discipline of the child.

2. The limit anticipates a consequence, the punishment does not.

The limit anticipates the consequence, the penalty is the unanticipated consequence. Being a specification, the limit makes the child recognize certain rules, which she can respect, or not. Punishment is the adult's response that is not anticipated (given arbitrarily by the adult).

3. The punishment is not consistent with the behavior or the limit

The main characteristic of punishment is that it has no relation or logic with the child's behavior and neither with the limit that has been set.. For example, when she is denied time to watch television due to some inappropriate behavior that she has had at school.

How to establish logical consequences instead of punishments?

The concept of "consequence" applied in education has many of its antecedents in the philosophy of María Montessori, Italian doctor and pedagogue who laid the foundations for the development of a whole psycho-pedagogical method that is currently very popular.

Based on his studies, Montessori he realized that boys and girls are capable of disciplining and regulating themselves; but this is a process that is largely achieved through the accompaniment and guidelines generated by adults.

So, comes to the conclusion that we must convey to boys and girls that behaviors have natural and logical consequences. For example, if they walk without paying attention to nearby objects, they can hit each other (a natural consequence).

Or, for example, that if a child hits another, that other child will not only cry or get angry, but it is important that the child offer an apology (logical consequence). For this type of consequences, adult intervention is necessary.

So, a consequence, in addition to being what happens in response to any behavior, is also a pattern that allows to recognize or anticipate what can happen when transferring or ignoring a limit.

By allowing the consequence to be anticipated, which we favor is the self-regulation of the child; and that the adult no longer depends on anger to facilitate it, because the child associates her behavior with the consequence, which will allow him to avoid it later.

Likewise, it is important that the child not only learn how not to behave, but how to behave; that is, give him an alternative tool to satisfy his need (for example, ask for things or express his anger, instead of hitting).

Characteristics of a logical consequence:

Consequences and limits are not recipes that can be applied equally to all children, they vary according to the needs and characteristics of both the context and the caregivers or educators, as well as the development of child.

In line with the above, we are going to list some important things about how a logical consequence is, which can be useful depending on the case:

• 1. immediate: Occurs at the time of the behavior, not two weeks or months later, when the child no longer remembers what he did or got used to the fact that the behavior is allowed; because also, if a lot of time passes, it is more difficult for him to understand what the alternative is.
• 1. Safe: Comply with what we anticipate (for example, not anticipate that there will be no recess time if we know that we will eventually give you recess time). We must be sure and sure that it is in our possibilities to facilitate a logical consequence.
• 1. Consistent: Logical consequences are related to the child's behavior (for example in a classroom: "if you are playing when you study, so you will have to work at the time we allocate to play”; instead of "if you are playing at the time of work, you withdraw from the class"). Regarding behaviors that occur at school, it is important that they have a consequence right there; do not apply them in the house if they have nothing to do with it.