How to understand adolescent rebellion

Adolescence is one of the vital processes in which the most changes occur; not only physical (the boy or girl becomes an adult), but also on an emotional and psychological level. Thus, although it may seem silly, it is not easy for an adolescent to get used to her new reality: a series of responsibilities is required of him (since, legally, we are adults from the age of 18), despite the fact that many psychological experts affirm that mental maturity does not occur until the age of 25 approximately.

Adolescence is, above all, a search for emotional independence and one's own personality, which is not yet well defined. For all these reasons, it is normal for adolescents to tend to detach emotionally and psychologically from those who were once their adult reference figures; usually parents. Derived from this, new links appear such as friendship, which is usually the main reference in these years.

Teenagers tend to get carried away by the group of friends; It is a normal growth link, in which the young person looks for new figures in which to reflect himself. It is the discovery of the world, which entails the establishment and construction of new social ties in which the adolescent tries to find an identity.

This distancing from father figures may imply a rebellious behavior that is not always easy for parents to carry. However, beyond the frustration that living with an adolescent can cause, it is necessary understand that the young person is experiencing an important stage of changes that can be distressing for he or she.

The keys to understanding and managing rebellion in adolescents

Faced with the difficulty of treating an 18-year-old who is legally an adult but who, psychologically, in many aspects is still a child, it is necessary to have some guidelines for action, which we summarize below continuation.

It is important to note that if the situation becomes untenable, it is necessary to consult a professional. On the other hand, if the rebellion includes aggression and violence, we are talking about something else and it is necessary to ask for help immediately.

1. Good communication is paramount

As we have already mentioned, adolescence can be a very distressing period for the young person. Thus, good communication between the parents and the adolescent is essential for them to feel understood and safe. This good communication goes through maintaining fluid dialogues that do not become interrogations that the adolescent can perceive as threatening. The most important thing is that the young person appreciates a real interest in his well-being on the part of his parents.

• Related article: "The 3 Stages of Adolescence"

2. listen to him

And by listening we do not refer only to a passive act of listening, but to understanding and processing what the adolescent needs. Let him express himself and don't downplay his opinions, even if they seem childish or crude to you.

It must be taken into account that the young person is already a legal adult, so we cannot treat him as a child. He or she You must feel that your opinion is taken into account; Only then will your self-esteem improve and you will feel confidence and security. However, it is also necessary to take into account certain limits for the good of all. We deal with it in the next section.

3. set limits

Listening, understanding and respecting is not incompatible with establishing healthy limits. In any relationship, a balance between good communication and active listening and clear limits is necessary. Thus, it is necessary to set insurmountable limits on the issue of aggression, both verbal and physical; That is something that must be made clear that we are not going to tolerate it in any way.

On the other hand, It is necessary to be consistent with our actions and our words. An 18-year-old teenager is perfectly aware of what is happening around him and, therefore, he will know how to detect when we are not consistent and can use it against us.

• You may be interested in: "How to educate your children in the limits?"

4. give him space

Although he still seems like a child to us, in reality our son or daughter is already an adult who, as such, needs his space and privacy. Respect him and don't overwhelm him.

5. Watch your expectations and comparisons

It is common for many parents to want their son or daughter to act according to what they would like. The truth is that it is a different and autonomous person, with their own opinions, tastes and ways of seeing life, so there is no point in feeding unrealistic expectations.

We must not force our children to lead the life that we would like for them or that we would have wanted to lead at their age. Closely linked to this it is highly unproductive to compare them with other young people, since the only thing we will achieve is fuel their frustration and, therefore, their rebellion. It is important to keep in mind that every person is valuable because of their own qualities, and they must perceive it that way.

• Related article: "The 12 basic communication skills"

6. show him your love

Oddly enough, behind many rebellious attitudes there is a terrible need to be loved. Do not miss the opportunity to show your son or daughter that you love him; that will be very beneficial for your mental and emotional health. Your son / daughter is an adult, but this does not mean that he no longer needs demonstrations of love. In fact, we all need them, no matter how old we are.

7. Do not emphasize only what is wrong

Yes, we know that your child is at a difficult age and can often make mistakes. But remember that no one wants to be constantly reminded of what they do wrong; so reinforce your child's positive actions. This will greatly help you feel secure and will increase your self-confidence.

• You may be interested in: "How to make constructive criticism: simple and effective tips"

8. Be their guide, not their censor

Our adolescent son or daughter needs us to guide him, that is clear, but we must do it with subtlety. Prohibitive attitudes will generally be received with an increase in rebellion, because the adolescent will interpret them as a coercion of his freedom of decision. So do not prohibit or censor; rather, offer your advice.

Becoming our child's guide not only means not coercing him, but also not overprotecting him. We know that it is difficult, since no father or mother wants to see her son stumble, but it is necessary that, from time to time, he makes a mistake and can reflect on his action. As long as we are not facing dangerous or highly negative situations for him, it is necessary that he make his own decisions, even when they involve certain errors.

9. Keep calm

Faced with the rebellion of a teenager, it is not always easy. However, we must try. Empathy will help us to stay calm, that is, understanding the situation our child is going through and the avalanche of emotions that she may be feeling.