5 habits that feed our insecurities

In theory and in practice, no one is perfect. We all have imperfections, weaknesses and "blind spots" in our repertoire of strengths, and that's not a problem. What is a problem, however, is what happens when our perception of these defects generates insecurities that keep us afraid and without wanting to leave a very restricted comfort zone.

Unfortunately, this insecurity with different facets is something that we unconsciously internalize if We get used to participating in certain ways of interacting with others and with the environment around us. surrounds.

These cracks in our self-esteem don't just appear, but they depend on the experiences we go through and that we generate. All is not lost: as insecurities are learned, we can also unlearn them until they are insignificant and small enough so that they do not affect us too much. They will never go away completely, since our emotional memory can hardly be reset, but at last and after all, mental health has to do with how functional we are, not whether we are perfect.

• Related article: "Low selfsteem? When you become your own worst enemy"

Habits that intensify our insecurities

Next we will see several of the most frequent habits that fuel our insecurities and make them continue to be perpetuated over time.

1. Maintain dependency relationships

These types of human relationships are usually significantly harmful during the time in which they take place, and are not only limited to the scope of the couple and romantic love.

Normally, these links have a person who, among his strategies to keep the other in a state of dependency, uses different formulas to feed the insecurities of the latter. For example, ridiculing their achievements, making fun of their proposals, etc.

• You may be interested in: "How to deal with criticism in 5 steps"

2. Being exposed to highly stressful contexts

Frequently experiencing anxiety has a wide variety of negative repercussions on our physical and mental health. Among these undesired consequences, is that of habitually seeing how our efforts and our ability to concentrating on tasks are not enough for us to achieve the desired objectives, so we fail many times and commit silly mistakes.

Of course, part of these insecurities are based on the objective fact that we show worse performance on many tasks, but that is not a consequence of who we are, but of the circumstances we are going through. Therefore, when we stop subjecting ourselves to that amount of stress, it is easier for our perception of ourselves to adjust more to reality and not lead us to pessimism.

3. Compare yourself to idealized people

This is one of the habits most related to insecurity. And it is that since we live in the information society, it is increasingly common to compare ourselves with people who basically do not exist, since they are either highly “filtered” representations of real users of a social network that show only the good and do not show what they perceive as their own flaws, or are depictions of fictional people created from the work of marketing departments working from actual material contributed by celebrities (singers, models, etc.).

Therefore, it is very necessary to be aware of the existence of these filters to avoid that our self-esteem and our self-concept do not depend on comparisons with these mirages.

4. avoid trouble

There are those who, at the slightest sign that a stressful event may occur, do everything possible to avoid exposing themselves to it, even if facing that situation it is clearly positive or necessary given some circumstances, even if it is to tempt fate and give us the opportunity for our situation to improve. In these cases, those who have become accustomed to this dynamic that generates insecurities, rationalize their fear of leaving their comfort zone in order to justify their passivity: "I don't have to make that call, I already know that you are going to reject me anyway", for example.

Assuming this behavior as normal does nothing more than promote the tendency to maintain a low profile, oblivious to any type of ambition, and very exposed to fears based on the fear of not being good enough to achieve what we would like get.

5. Basing self-esteem on criticism

There are those who only find a way to reaffirm themselves criticizing or making fun of others. This not only harms others; In addition, it makes self-esteem dependent on these constant attacks. On the other hand, if the direction of those criticisms is ever reversed, you are much more vulnerable, because that self-image based on moral superiority fades.

Build a healthy self-esteem

As we have seen, self-esteem and our way of valuing ourselves It depends mainly on how we interact with our environment.. Being clear about this is essential so as not to assume that insecurities arise from oneself in isolation, as if they were part of one's essence.