11 ways in which the Opinion of Others can limit us

Taking into account other points of view is always enriching. However, being guided exclusively by the opinions of others, ignoring our own criteria, can be a very limiting tendency.

Human beings are social beings, that is, we need to belong to a group to survive. To be part of a community we need to be accepted, valued, respected. In this way, we manage to gain self-confidence and recognize our worth. Needing the protection and support of others is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of our humanity.

When we are going to take an important step, make a decision or choose a path in life, it is natural that we ask those close to us for advice. Having other points of view enriches us and helps us gain perspective. It even makes it easier for us to contemplate issues that we may have overlooked.

However, there are those who give the opinion of others excessive importance. Instead of being received as an interesting point of view that may or may not be accepted, it is assimilated as the right thing to do. It is assumed that what others dictate is the absolute truth, what should be done. Thus, we do not have our own firm criteria, since decisions lean to one side or the other of the scale depending on what others think or expect of us.

Giving importance to other opinions does not mean ignoring our own internal voice. Being guided only by the perspective of others can, in fact, be a problem. Giving so much weight to external opinions can limit us in many aspects, which we will discuss in this article.

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The importance of autonomy in decision making

As we have been commenting, having the opinion of our relatives is a natural necessity. In fact, listening to other points of view always nourishes us and helps us broaden our view of a particular situation. However, the truth is that when we let ourselves be carried away solely by the criteria of others, we run the risk of losing our way and disconnecting from ourselves.

The truth is that the ability to act autonomously is something that begins to develop from early childhood. When we are born, we are fully dependent on our caregivers, who are the ones who guide and protect us. They decide for us because we simply do not have the capacity to do so. Over time, as we grow, we start to hit some big milestones. We acquire ease to perform basic self-care tasks, such as washing ourselves, dressing or eating. Overcoming these challenges is essential to, in the future, transfer that autonomy to more complex issues such as studies, work or relationships.

This path towards autonomy is always progressive. Our caregivers are leaving us more and more room for action, placing a growing responsibility on us. This gradual transition is essential for the correct development of any child, although it is not an easy task. In the process, the little ones must learn to deal with frustration, doubts or fear. Overprotecting and wrapping a child in a bubble without responsibilities makes it impossible for her to build her own criteria, as well as a positive self-concept of her person.

Gaining autonomy and responsibility frees us, as this gives us confidence to take steps forward without asking permission from others. Having a clear idea of ​​things allows us to live a full life, just the way we want it and not how others tell us it should be.

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11 ways in which the opinion of others can limit us

As we can see, getting carried away by other people's criteria can harm us deeply. Next, we are going to discuss some specific ways in which the opinion of others can limit us.

1. reduces happiness

When we live at the expense of what others think of us, it is difficult to feel happy with ourselves. We divert the focus to others, which prevents us from connecting with what we want and feel. Being happy with our life requires looking within and finding our own path regardless of what others may think.

2. undermines freedom

When what others think becomes the focus, we feel much more limited when it comes to acting. In short, we sacrifice our freedom to fit into the molds imposed from outside. Before taking a step, we do not reflect on how it will affect us, because what torments us is the opinion of others. This it becomes a kind of mental prison, which leads us to stop being spontaneous and follow the path that really fills us.

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3. Prevents self-knowledge

If we only contemplate the opinion of others and silence our voice, it is difficult for us to know each other well. We don't allow ourselves to think about what we want, what we like or satisfy. We do what we think is expected of us, which favors becoming strangers to ourselves. We do not know what we expect from life because we have always taken it for granted that what is correct is what society dictates.

4. wastes time

Living on the opinions of others robs us of one of our most precious assets: time. If we act for and to please and satisfy expectations, we dedicate all our time and energy to things that do not really nourish our soul. We become slaves dependent on external validation to feel good, without accepting who we really are.

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5. Prevents setting limits and saying no

When we care greatly about the opinion of others, we don't really know what we want or need. This prevents us from drawing clear boundaries in our relationships and saying NO on time. All of this leads to doing things that we really don't want to do and living playing a kind of eternal pleaser role.

6. It leads to taking responsibility for issues that do not belong to oneself

People who depend on external validation often do whatever it takes to feel accepted. This can lead to taking blame and responsibility for situations that don't even have to do with oneself. The fear of rejection is such that one's own rights are sacrificed.

7. damage self esteem

When others convey their opinion to us in an unassertive way, it is possible that their comments hurt us. They can even convince us to put aside our plans and ideas, which stop being important and become "nonsense". In this way, being guided by the criteria of others can do a lot of damage to our self-esteem.

8. Prevents achieving goals

Those who depend on the opinion of others to take any step forward often see the achievement of goals hindered. Even if they have set out to achieve something, a contrary comment from someone can be enough to bring down their aspirations.

9. Silence your own voice

We all have our own opinion and have the right to express it. However, when we care too much about what others think, we run the risk of repressing it and even changing it in order to fit in with the expectations of the group.

10. Hinders decision making

Relying on other opinions often makes decision making difficult. Choosing between several alternatives is never an easy task, but it becomes even more complex if we are not able to listen to our inner voice. Deciding necessarily implies giving up and assuming a risk of error, so those who fear the judgment of others can enter a state of blocking in situations of this type.

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11. It makes people fake

When we are concerned about what others may think of us, it is common to try to please everyone. We do not tolerate the possibility of being rejected, so we change our way of being and behaving depending on the moment and the person. This gives rise to fake, false people who are not genuine because deep down they do not accept who they are.

conclusions

In this article we have talked about some negative effects that the opinion of others can have on oneself. Although taking into account the point of view of others can help us broaden our perspective and enrich ourselves, the truth is that giving too much weight to what others think can play tricks on us.

Thus, the opinion of others can become a very limiting aspect that makes us live more aware of the expectations of others than of our own needs. Acquiring autonomy and forming our own criteria is a process that already begins in childhood, when we begin to develop an individualization with respect to our attachment figures. Achieving an increasing degree of independence is key to becoming adults capable of thinking and acting for themselves.

When we are totally dependent on what others think, it is more difficult to lead a fulfilling and satisfying life. We sacrifice our freedom, because we impose limits on ourselves and give up what we want for fear of being judged. In short, we waste time, which we end up devoting to things that do not fulfill us simply because it is considered correct. When we let ourselves be guided by outside voices, we forget our own, which prevents us from becoming genuine people and capable of making their own decisions.