How to deal with criticism, in 5 steps

The word “critical” comes from the Greek “kritikos” which means “capable of discerning”. Likewise, the word "criticize" comes from the verb "krinein" which means "separate", "decide" or "judge". Currently we can use these words to talk about the action of judging or evaluating a situation in depth; but they also serve to refer to an attitude (critical), and even to a decisive moment (critical moments). In this sense, making a criticism is not always an offensive action towards the situation that is being evaluated; but it can have the opposite effect: favor our ability to discern or decide.

In any case, when a criticism is made to judge or evaluate a behavior or personal decision, it can cause us a lot of discomfort. Among other things, it can produce a feeling of anguish or sadness and sometimes anger. In this article we will explain some strategies that can be useful to deal with criticism in a way that facilitates both social interaction and maintaining emotional stability.

• Related article: "Self-concept: what is it and how is it formed?"

5 strategies to deal with criticism

When we find ourselves in a situation where we hear something we don't like, because it has to do directly with ourselves, It is common for us to react from the emotional filter and we omit the rational part, which often gives us the feeling of not knowing what to do.

However, still not knowing what to do, we act. And the way in which we do it can also generate discomfort or confusion in other people. It can even happen that our reactions to criticism become an obstacle to the development of interpersonal relationshipsOr, for personal development. For all of the above, it is worth doing the exercise of asking ourselves how we are dealing with criticism and how we could do it properly.

1. Assess the situation

Criticism, as it is made up of a series of social judgments, can easily generate guilt. It is important that, before moving on to this moment, we try to put the criticism in context. It means that we can reflect on how other people's perceptions and explanations of the success or failure on performance according to different labels or social values ​​assigned to our own person. This way we can generate tools to establish a dialogue with the interlocutor (with whom he criticizes), before we become paralyzed, either out of anger or out of anguish.

In short, not all of us react in the same way to criticism. Many elements are involved in these reactions, ranging from our self-concept to the possibilities and values ​​that have been assigned to us (and through which we have been socialized); that can be different between women and men or between children and adults or between people of one culture or another. Put criticism in context and assess the situation in which it is generatedIt also has to do with reflecting on the moment, the place, and the specific person from whom the criticism comes. This reflection helps us to know which comments or situations we should "take personally" and which ones should not.

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2. Strengthen assertiveness, beyond criticism

On the other hand, once we have detected that our reaction to criticism causes us problems emotions, it is time to ask ourselves if our coping is directly affecting our abilities social. In case the answer is affirmative, something that we can work on is assertiveness; understood as a skill that allows for communication in a respectful and at the same time firm manner.

Being a skill, and not a personality trait that some people have and others don't, assertiveness is something we can work on and develop. It is about communicating our needs and interests clearly, but at the same time recognizing the needs and interests of the interlocutor (that is, maintaining empathy).

It also consists of discerning between the moments in which it is better to remain prudent and more passive; and those moments in which it is necessary for us to remain active and firm with our decisions. Strengthening assertiveness is a skill that helps us communicate on a daily basis, and that can go much further than improving the way we deal with criticism.

• You may be interested in: "Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication"

3. Review and work self-esteem

Self-esteem is the assessment we make of our self-concept. That is, it is the set of values ​​(positive or negative) that we associate with the image that we have made of ourselves. From the most scientific to the most everyday psychology, attention has been paid to how low or high self-esteem is reflected in an important way in social skills; that is, it becomes visible in effective and satisfactory relationships.

The assessment we make of our self-concept impacts on the underestimation or overestimation of our own possibilities and in the recognition of our limits. Thus, depending on how we perceive ourselves, we may have some problems facing criticism (precisely because of the difficulty of recognizing both limits and capabilities). This can generate intolerance or rigidity regarding the judgment we make of others; and it can generate the same about the judgment that others do about us.

4. Reflexivity and self-awareness

Reflexivity, or the quality of being reflective, refers to the ability to evaluate something carefully, before carrying it out. Or, once it has been carried out, so that the results of said reflection serve us on subsequent occasions. Working on this skill can be useful in dealing with criticism as it allows us to analyze how we affect the criticism of others on a day-to-day basis, and what own actions may be affected by others people. In this sense, reflexivity is related to introspection and to develop realistic thinking about situations.

Ultimately, all of the above means working on self-acceptance and self-knowledge, which means assume our thoughts, feelings or behaviors, and also our limits and possibilities real; as part of ourselves and our context of possibilities. Without expecting unconditional approval, both from others and from us. this last allows us to work on what we don't like about ourselves, and at the same time, not weaken ourselves excessively in the face of other people's criticism

5. Share the experience

It is normal for criticism to cause us some discomfort, and it is also normal for us not to know how to react at all times.

Given this, another of the strategies that can be effective to adequately face criticism is to share said discomfort and said uncertainty. Surely we will meet someone who has felt the same way, and even if it is not an expert in psychology, it can be interesting conclusions about how we have felt about the reactions of others, and also about how others have felt about our reactions.