How to learn to be in control of what I do?

There are many people who feel that, despite the passing of time, they are not capable of learning to take control of their lives.

There are those who tend to act without thinking about the consequences of their actions, being extremely unable to control their temptations or desires; in these cases we talk about an impulsive person.

However, the impulsiveness It does not have to be the only cause of that feeling of "I am not in control of what I do"; In certain situations, this discomfort arises from the inability to stop acting according to the wishes and expectations of others, something related to problems of assertiveness.

In this article we will address the issue of “How to be in control of what I do”, focusing on these two types of problematic dynamics.

How to be in control of what I do without impulsiveness problems?

Impulsivity is defined as a personality trait characterized by react precipitously, quickly and unexpectedly, without weighing the consequences of actions. Some clear examples of impulsive behaviors are: breaking up with a partner for fear of being abandoned, eating uncontrollably, impulsive purchases, constantly having sex without emotional involvement, consumption of substances, among others.

In fact, the abuse of psychoactive substances such as alcohol, tobacco, drugs or other types of drugs is quite common among impulsive people. To this, aggressiveness must also be added, that is, the subject loses direction and can even attack other people and even himself. It seems clear that the most explosive cocktail for an impulsive person would be substance abuse linked to aggression.

In short, impulsivity follows the following pattern: first, the desire to perform some activity completely clouds thinking, therefore, it is carried out. said activity without thinking about what will happen and it is here when finally, seeing the impossibility of going back, feelings of shame, guilt and even repentance. It has great comorbidity with disorders such as ADHD, OCD, depression or anxiety. The causes remain unknown, although a multifactorial component is assumed; In other words, believed to be a combination of genetic and external factors. Following this line, it is interesting to comment that certain areas of the brain responsible for this personality trait have recently been discovered.

American researchers from Yale University, Harvard, and the Massachusetts Hospital have spent years studying the role of the brain in impulsive behavior. Guided by magnetic resonance imaging, they measured the size of brain regions and curiously found that impulsivity in young adults it is related to a thinner cortex in those areas of the brain responsible for decision making, emotional management and self control.

As the authors of this study state, changes in the thickness of these brain structures are related to a subjective perception of young people to act on impulse and of course, with the use of psychoactive substances that we have mentioned previously.

1. Make use of relaxation techniques

At the moment when you feel that insistent desire to carry out an activity, relaxation and breathing are your best ally. Experts advise to take a deep breath, hold it and release it slowly. It is a way of reducing physiological arousal as a message is sent to the brain to slow down.. This allows you to think better and avoid impulsive choices.

• Related article: "7 easy relaxation techniques to combat stress"

2. Know what the trigger is

Identifying whether there is a trigger for impulsive behavior is of the utmost importance. If you can find out what situation, emotion or ultimately what stimulus triggers impulsivity, it will be much easier to solve the problem. For it, introspection can be done to detect the exact moment and it is even recommended to keep a diary where it can be written every time something internal or external triggers said behavior.

3. Learn to deal with frustration

We don't always get what we want or expect. In fact, it could be said that there are more times when things do not work as we had planned than the other way around. We mention this because in many cases, impulsivity is a response to feelings of frustration. In this sense, it is important work cognitive flexibility and learn to have adaptive responses. We must work on managing our emotions and behaviors in situations that generate frustration.

• You may be interested in: "Emotional management: keys to master your emotions"

4. Although it is difficult, to reflect

It is very convenient for impulsive people to carry out a reflection process with the aim of anticipate the consequences of their behavior both in the short and long term. It is important that they stop, and during that pause they can carry out an introspection exercise and reflect to reduce the automatic responses that they are used to giving.

5. In extreme cases, go to psychotherapy

If the problem refuses to disappear and/or has a psychopathological cause, it is important to seek professional help as soon as possible.

How to be in control of what I do without assertiveness problems?

As we have seen, the chains that bind us to short-termism and to reproducing behaviors that harm us over and over again more than what benefits us can arise from the fear of saying no, from the lack of assertiveness in relationships personal. In the face of this type of complications, keep these tips in mind to have control over your life:

1. Set clear boundaries from the start

Yeah shows from a good start what are the "rules of the game" When dealing with you, if someone steps over those lines, it's up to him or her to justify why they did so.

• Related article: "Basic communication skills"

2. Practice self-care routines

If you get used to taking care of yourself physically and mentally, you will get out of the dynamic of constant self-sacrifices to earn the approval of others, since you will begin to value more the way in which you treat yourself.

3. Criticize behaviors you don't like, without focusing on the person

Since at first it will be difficult for you to make an open defense of your rights and priorities, do not complicate yourself unnecessarily: when expressing your discontent with something, do not set yourself the goal of criticizing a person, but to their behaviors that you did not like.

4. Don't assume you owe everyone something

Internalizing the idea that there are no bikes to strive for to fit in with the desires and expectations of others is necessary to gain control over your life.