How can psychotherapy help you in the face of heartbreak?

Heartbreak is a psychological state that perhaps we ourselves and even anyone around us has experienced at some point in their lives. Each person manifests it in a different way, therefore, there are individuals who go through the process in a pleasant and bearable, and others who experience it with a lot of pain, anguish and frustration that can be compared to the loss of a loved one. darling.

Heartbreak can be described as an intense emotion that appears when ending a relationship. We are talking about a necessary detachment to be able to face a new future without that person. It is evident that this situation generates a significant emotional impact since the life that had been idealized together with the couple collapses and becomes a mere memory or imagination.

In this regard, it is vital to emphasize that heartbreak is not only experienced by those who try to form an idyllic future with their love, but this psychological state is also lived by those who realize that they are no longer in love and decide to end the relationship. relationship. To be well understood, heartbreak appears when the couple encounters an obstacle between the expectations created in the past about the common objectives both in the short and long term and the present where these expectations have already lost their reason for being and are not viable.

• Related article: "The 3 stages of heartbreak and its psychological consequences"

psychological effects of heartbreak

As we mentioned at the beginning, losing someone we love leaves an emotional wound that we must heal and heal. Psychology experts affirm that we need to go through a grieving process, as if it were a near death. It is important to respect each other's times, without judging or embarrassing ourselves. Although each person has their particular way of grieving, there are 4 common stages that we will explain below:

1. the shock

The first hours, days, and even weeks after a breakup are characterized by emotional shock. In this stage, The phrase "I can't believe it" is used a lot.. And it is indeed this. The person cannot get used to the idea of ​​what has happened. It may be difficult to sleep, and even to do activities that you used to enjoy. Fear of separation is also common at this initial stage and is when many desperately try to get back in touch. For this reason, it is important to surround ourselves with people who give us security and we do not make great efforts to leave. It is also not a good time to make decisions since we are biased by our feelings.

2. The negation

When you leave a relationship, you may not get used to the idea, you still have some hope of getting back with that person, and ultimately, you feel hooked on that love. It is a stage in which the individual is not experiencing the deep emotions of the breakup. It is as if he does not accept reality and it even seems that he is wasting his time. It is a vital moment and must be respected and understood. Denial is like a defense mechanism that allows us to move on with our lives, without letting ourselves sink from the initial shock.

3. The emotions

When a few months pass and the affected individual thinks that they have overcome the breakup, it is common for all the emotions related to memories of love to return. It is a confusing stage, however it is extremely important to overcome the breakup. Each person experiences it in their own way. Some feel anger, disgust, even rejection towards their former love.. In contrast, others feel nostalgic for what was lost and what could have been. It is also a moment in which the person begins to feel afraid for not always wanting to feel this way.

• You may be interested in: "The 8 types of emotions (classification and description)"

4. The recuperation

Finally, we manage to be at peace with the lost relationship and this allows us to have a more objective and adult look at what happened. It is a process of reflection and assimilation where we take the mistakes and successes of the past relationship to improve in the future. It is when little by little you begin to rebuild your life, you open up to the world again and you manage to be calm with yourself and with your environment.

5. brain and heartbreak

The pain and mourning that we have explained above is not a simple perception or idea, but an objective and physical sensation that implies powerful changes at the brain level. It is interesting to highlight the research that exists on the connection between certain brain areas and the psychological emotion of heartbreak.

Romantic love is known to trigger the levels of three neurotransmitters in particular: dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin. The first is related to anticipation and reward, therefore, makes the desire to be with the loved one becomes an addiction and obsession, just like drugs, gambling, and even chocolate. Serotonin is related to a good mood, happiness and general well-being. Finally, oxytocin unites us with the loved one since it is directly related to pleasure and affection. This helps the brain to feel affection and, in general, love for the loved one.

Going one step further, in recent research they studied the brains of both men and women who had just ended a romantic relationship. As expected, the brain regions that were most active were the same ones that become hyperactive in pathological gambling when there are big wins or big losses. Not only this, but the activity in those brain regions related to obsessive and aggressive behaviors increased.

Therefore, it is portrayed that when a break occurs, the levels of said neurotransmitters plummet. As if this were not enough, the simple threat of losing a loved one causes the levels of these neurotransmitters to drop, causing stress, anxiety and even depression. Therefore, it is not surprising that a high percentage of people suffer from anxious or depressive symptoms after a divorce and that many even need psychological help after a breakup.

How does psychotherapy help for heartbreak?

There can be many reasons why a person decides to go to therapy to handle the feelings that flourish after a heartbreak. The person may feel that he does not have adequate support in her environment, he does not feel heard or understood by people around him, or even because he has become hooked on that old love and cannot manage his emotions correctly.

Psychotherapy offers ideal support and accompaniment by professionals in psychology, specialized in breakups and duels. With this, the affected person feels understood, listened to and cared for, since the therapist knows what is happening and has the ability to guide the person towards improvement. It must be taken into account that the therapist is a professional with studies and training to help specifically in these cases.

Besides, through emotional therapy, psychotherapy trains emotional intelligence so that the person can manage their own emotions, thus reducing stress, anxiety and harmful emotions. In therapy, invalidating feelings that arise after a breakup are worked on. For example "I'm never going to get over it", "it's been a long time and I'm still thinking about this, I'm stupid", "I should having overcome it already", are some of the limiting phrases that prevent the person from living a full life and of quality. Therefore, working in therapy on these ideas is essential.

Professionals also help design and reorganize a life plan. They are an accompaniment and guide in making healthy decisions for the person, since they encourage them to undertake those personal projects that are important and motivate. Finally, psychotherapy also helps to resolve any other issue related to the personality, experiences, that the individual wants to fix to achieve that personal well-being that we crave so much In short, many times we go to therapy for a main reason and with the passage of time, we realize that In reality, we have a deep, uninhabited world that prevents us from progressing and professional help is non-negotiable.