The journey of Self-Knowledge to unmask the 'false I'

It is common to meet people who have a great deal of confusion between their behavior and their identity. In this regard, we ask you the following question: who I am?

At first glance, it seems easy to answer, but you will quickly realize that it is not. It is easy for someone from outside to answer for you, however, we could put our hand in the fire that the answer would be incorrect. Definitely, the answer is within you, in your body, in your mind, in your emotions, but you have been asleep for so long that you are not able to recognize it.

This confusion has been part of the human being throughout life, and it was the psychologists of the psychoanalyst current who began to delve into all this. More specifically, Donald Woods Winnicott was the one who first introduced the term false Self to make reference to the different behavioral masks that we all use to access the expectations of our around.

As Winnicott explained, we are able to exhibit a social and polite attitude towards the world thanks to fake me. It is as if the person changed their mask depending on the context and the people who are in that moment. Although they successfully meet the expectations of their environment, these people always find themselves empty, dead, or false inside. In fact, only the true Self can freely feel.

It is portrayed that knowing who we really are or unmasking the false Self is a question that has been tormenting the human being forever. It has been studied by many professionals and the conclusion is reached that it takes a reflection exercise enormous with a personal work behind that allows us to be in agreement with ourselves and with the the rest. In today's article, we will talk about what the concepts of false and true self mean, how they are constructed, and of course, we will review several tips to get rid of the false self.

• Related article: "Self-concept: what is it and how is it formed?"

How do the true and false Self develop?

It all starts from our first days of life. From the first moment we came into the world, we need to meet certain needs which, of course, a baby alone cannot satisfy. Here the mother comes into play, whose job is to offer warmth, protection and unconditional acceptance to all the reactions and feelings of her baby. Regarding this, Winnicott talks about the concept "good enough mother" when describing the one who provides care to the newborn in a spontaneous and sincere way. Of course, the latter does not mean that limits should not be set, in fact, they are considered necessary.

In an environment like the one described above, the baby and the later child develop a true healthy Self, that is, they come to feel able to listen to oneself without the need to meet the expectations of others in order to feel accepted, loved and good with oneself same.

On the other hand, completely changing the scene of the "good enough mother" are those children who do not feel accepted or understood by the mother. and therefore, adjusting their behaviors and feelings according to the mother's preferences is the only way they find to feel loved and loved. respected. In other words, they learn that hiding their true Self and removing the false I is the only way to be accepted by the mother.

This does not stop here. The child who had initially learned to hide his true Self in order to feel loved by his mother, in the future extrapolates it to all the relationships in his life and it is here where the bases of the false Self are laid. In addition, it is interesting to note that the false I hides many pathological behaviors in an adult, such as narcissistic disorder, among others. many.

• You may be interested in: "Self-knowledge: definition and 8 tips to improve it"

How to unmask the false I?

We challenge you to imagine your life without the false Self dominating. It is interesting to stop completely and think about who you really are and what your purpose is as a free and independent being with the extraordinary courage to be able to take and decide the course of your destiny. To get to that image that you are projecting, you must go on a journey to self-knowledge and get rid of the false Self.

For this, the work of self-knowledge is important to know in depth the emotions, qualities, defects, limitations and priorities of each one. In addition, the first step is always to accept yourself as you are in order to start working and polish those parts of the Self that you want to modify.

Next, we list some advice from experts on the subject to be able to unmask the false Self:

1. Don't be constantly offended

Not everything that the people around you do or say has to do with you. We have a tendency to take everything to heart when someone criticizes us or does not meet our expectations. Therefore, try not to feel attacked by the words or deeds of people and practice assertive communication.

• Related article: "Egocentric Personality: 15 Characteristic Traits"

2. Do not focus life on successes

Reaching a goal is something that produces a lot of satisfaction. However, we cannot allow our lives to constantly revolve around this. We must get into our heads that we are not just the sum of all our achievements in life. In fact, the motivation and desire that we have obtained when things were not going as well as we imagined weigh more.

3. You're not always right and that's okay

The false Self often leads to the need to always be right since we consider that all our actions and behaviors are the right thing. Therefore, we invite you to give up in some situations to take other points of view and opinions into consideration.

4. You don't need to be number one all the time.

As we discussed earlier, we need to realize the aspects of our Self that we need to improve. Feeling important and the best is sometimes necessary, but we must keep our feet on the ground and realize that the objective is not to be the best, but to improve day by day to try to be a better person both with oneself and with others the rest.

Conclusion

In short, the best way to find the true Self, leaving aside the false Self is to open up to others and stop focusing excessively on oneself. If you have felt identified with the article and would like accompaniment on the long journey towards self-knowledge and the true Self, we recommend you go to a psychology professional.